A long-term sleep deprived mum seeks advice

[Em3]

I have three children which all have woken me up at all times only the youngest slept through sometimes when a baby. My oldest is nearly 6 and he improved when he started reception, to have a four hour stretch of sleep without being woken is as good as it gets at the momment.

The problem is that I have suffered with PND and other issues which have stayed with me, I have changed since having children and I am trying to get to grips with myself. I have always been a bit shy and quiet but BC I was also outgoing, sociable and confident these traits seem to have left me.

I have tried all the mother and toddler groups since we moved 3 years ago and I was very optimistic about making new friends but at the time we moved I was depressed and I think maybe burnt bridges with other mums, I struggled with my shy and quiet side.

What I like best is staying at home popping out when necessary and busying myself at home with my husband, 3 small kids, a cat and dog. I don't like socialising in groups now and as I am so sleep deprived it affects me in many ways eg to string a sentence together of more than four words with an aquaintance is a struggle which then makes me feel inadequate and boring.

Recently I have been asked to 3 different events which is good but I now look for a way out, I like the people but feel I will make a fool of myself. How do I politely get out of these dates without offence, possibly repeatedly with the same people, when all I feel I have the capabilities to do is be with my family? I hope things will improve as the childen get older and are not so dependant.

Oh hun that sounds like the depression speaking - I don't think it's the having children so much as it's the PND that has caused your outgoing, sociable and confident traits to disappear temporarily. Ditto the feeling inarticulate and confused - that is such a trait of depression.
Remember it is an illness, this is not the real you, this is a reaction to the PND.
If you want to concentrate on what you feel you can manage - ie your family - then do it. But you might find that taking a few leaps every now and then, like attending some of these events - even just for a little while, might help the black fog lift a bit. I've never had PND, but I have had the normal non-preggie type depression though, and realise that suggesting you try to attend a couple of the events is a pretty big ask.
Good luck and think about speaking to your doctor, if you can get the old you back a bit, I'm sure you'd be so glad you bothered to ask for help.
Hope things start to get easier real soon.

Thank you for being so understanding. I have been to the doctor and I went to a CBT counsellor for nearly a year it did help me get out of a rut and face up to some social issues eg not everybody is interested in you nor you in them!and everybody is busy, has their own agenda, I have started to believe in myself more.

I have been to events and felt the groups were very clicky but I think this is probably me seeming awkward and kinda putting people off.

Maybe if I do try to focus on a particular event where I have been invited but when I do it starts endless worry and insomnia. I feel this is a neverending story and I have to learn to get by as best I can.

You sound as though things have got better for you, which is reassuring.