please help with my sleep resisting 3 month old!

[lu9months]

my little girl has found it hard to drop off to sleep since day one. she has needed the dummy and white noise and her cot,and has also napped on the school run in the buggy in the morning. however, she is now very unhappy in the buggy and crying all the way to school and back , despite being tired. she is spitting out her dummy. at home she just wont drop off even in her cot, and is over tired and tearful as a result. she isnt feeding well because she is too tired, and we are not getting to have any fun together! she has no routine at all, and I think she would benefit from one, but how to get one when she just wont sleep! today she has had 30 mins so far but has woken crying AGAIN. she has rings under her eyes and is beside herself with exhaustion. please help!

Poor thing, and you. Assuming you're sure she hasn't got an ear/tummy ache or anything physical that is causing her pain, maybe wearing her in a sling would help? I've got a 6 week old who will sometimes only settle if I wear her wrapped tight against my chest. I have one of these - cheap and pretty simple to tie if you're new to slings. HTH.

yes the sling does sometimes work, but my back is getting sore as she is getting heavier!

I know - it's agony! Maybe it would be worth investing in a different sling that can help you carry the weight better? Sounds like you're caught in a vicious cycle. I know from my older two that the less they'd slept, the harder it was for them to settle. So if you could get her to sleep for some good chunks of time in the sling over a few days it might help you both to get over the overtiredness. Maybe it can get you to a point where she'll be able to sleep in the buggy/cot again without getting upset.

You definitely need a woven sling which distributes the weight evenly across the back and doesn't weigh on the shoulders. Check out used slings in ebay if you don't want to spend too much

thanks. I do have a good sling, but still get back ache if she is in it for too long. but I think the idea of using it for a few days to see if she can get back into having longer naps is a good one. she is feeding every 3 hours or so, on demand. the problem is partly that she is so tired she doesnt feed well, which has a knock on effect. thanks for the advice!

I have exactly the same problem with my nearly 12 week DD. She has never ever gone to sleep in the cot without crying - not just crying either, she screams. I can put her in the sling and she'll happily sleep (though I do have to cover her eyes most of the time otherwise she just doesn't switch off at all).

I've run out of ideas because I really can't carry her all the time - if for no other reason that she doesn't sleep a great deal at night either (about 5 1/2 hours in total between 8pm and 6pm last night) so I need to sleep at some point.

I have no advice, but it's just nice to hear of someone struggling in the way way. I'm beginning to find the info saying "children of this age should be sleeping 15 hours a day" seriously depressing - I would love that to happen, but DD doesn't seem to see it in the same way. Worse thing is that when she does get a decent stretch of sleep she's a different baby - happy, chatty and full of beans.

Asked the HV about a routine and she said do what the baby wants (sleep, feed etc) but doing what the baby wants is making her miserable. ARGH!

I posted a simialr query a little while ago. Nearly got shot down in flames for daring to suggest that my little one needed more sleep but I know exactly how you feel. If it makes you feel better I notice that another thread with simial theme has just been added. You can follow mine if you want...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/924867-3-month-old-daytime-sleep

I haven't found an easy answer but I do keep a close eye on my little one to spot her early tired signs. She won't settle herself so it's our job to help her to sleep. This usually means walking around the house chatting to her about all sorts until she gives in! Then she goes down in her cot, usually for between 45mins and an hour. Then we repeat about 1 hour and half after she wakes. She has got herself into that routine and god forbid anyone try and change it!!!

The propblem we have is when we are out and about or in an environment with too many distractions. Then she really fights her sleep or gets woken before she's ready. Both scenarios equals a grumpy baby!

I read that thread (and found myself getting very annoyed). Because all babies are different, I find it very frustrating when other mothers say "just do this, don't do that and don't dare do what you're doing".

Seriously DD will not go to sleep without crying even though it's blatently obvious she's shattered. If I try and put her down earlier - screaming. Try and put her down nearer 2 hours - screaming. Most of the time she's only perky for an hour to an hours 15 minutes and sometimes she's feeding for an hour. When am I ever supposed to do tummy time, change nappy, play? I end up worrying I'm harming her development because all I'm ever doing is trying to get her to sleep or feeding her.

Plus she really can scream for hours - how she doesn't run of of energy I'll never know. Makes no difference if I pick her up, or put her down. Tried shushing, patting, rocking, singing etc. Only things that work are feeding (and that's not 100%) or putting her in the sling. I end up getting no sleep and that's making me depressed which is clearly not good for me or my child.

She's my first (and very probably only) and I do worry more than I should I know, but I just want to make her happy...

well, at least we are not alone! I know I should be somehow teaching her to self settle, but how? and since she always needs the dummy to go to sleep, she isnt going to learn to suck her thumb! I do think overstimulation makes it worse (she has two noisy big brothers!) and today she was a little better when I made sure she just played on her mat a short while then had quiet cuddle time before I put her down. she slept over and hour and was happy as larry when she woke! might be worth really limiting the distractions/dangly toys etc, and keeping things calm and quiet, but in my house that is nearly impossible! good luck!

No solutions from me, I'm afraid, but sympathies to you all - DS is 11 weeks, needs to sleep most of the time and seriously struggles to get to sleep.

He used never to go to sleep without crying, because he was chronically overtired. However, he has caught up on a backlog of sleep and is generally less overtired now as I've been wearing him in a sling for daytime naps - ie pretty much all day every day. Yes, it's doing my back in, but he is better than he was. DH takes the sling whenever he's home, and my dad has kindly visited to do some of the babywearing. I have this sling which I find fairly comfy.

Nearly 2 weeks into using the sling, he cries when we're getting him to sleep in the day, but not at night - he seems more relaxed. He cries less when going to sleep in the day than he used to. However, it's not been a miracle solution, and I doubt it would work for everyone.

I agree with lazaaroo about spotting the 'tired window' - I'm not that great at it, but it definitely makes a difference with DS if you miss it. We were never able to identify it until DS had caught up on sleep after being in the sling a few days - only then did he start yawning, looking tired etc.

I have friends who had babies like this. They keep telling me it does get better. .

Chin up, ladies - as DH says, every day gone by is another day less to put up with this, and another day closer to things improving both for us and for our little ones.

AngelDog You wanted to compare notes on on the LOs sleeping? Well, it's all gone weird here! DD has had cronic constipation (which I'm putting down to some Infant Gavisgon we tried in order to rule out reflux despite the doctor saying that it shouldn't have that effect) which means she basically stopped sleeping at night, but is having really long naps during the day

Most of the naps are in the cot but because she's so upset, myself and DP have also been having her in the sling a lot to comfort her. All cot naps are treated with the same distain however and she's still screaming when we put her down. Bizarrely though she's started screaming for 5 minutes, calming down for a couple of minutes, then talking to the mobile for 5 minutes (so cute) then back to screaming for 5 minutes.

Out of desperation we tried a dummy a couple of nights ago (I've never ever wanted her to have one, but if it would help it was worth a go) - her reaction was to spit it out! Meanwhile I'm slowly losing it - spent a good 20 minutes crying at the doctor on Wednesday.

How are you doing with cot naps? Any better?

Hello, Littlest. I've gone and confused myself by starting a completely different thread instead of adding to this one.

Those cot naps sound like hard work. No wonder you're struggling.

I got excited yesterday and the day before when DS actually got drowsy after daytime feeds and I managed to rock / pat him to sleep. The one thing that seemed to make a difference was a dummy - we had tried one before, and we had to hold it in, and even then he didn't like it much. This time he seemed to take to it, and went off to sleep. However, he (a) wouldn't sleep for more than 20 mins and (b) was really hard to put down without waking him up. By the evening he was quite tired as a result.

Then he was up 4 times in the night, including one feed that was an hour and half between getting up and him being asleep again (and then he only slept for 45 mins). So I'm not feeling too cheery today. An attempt just now to get him to sleep by cuddling him on the bed was a spectacular failure.

Mind you, my problem isn't that he cries when put down for a nap in the cot - he just lies there and plays ad infitum. The other night he was up between 2.30 and 5.30 just lying there enthusiastically waving his arms and legs in the dark while I held a dummy in his mouth, until he got hungry enough for another feed and went to sleep following that.

Like you, I'm not that keen on a dummy, but I'd be happier with a dummy addiction than a sling addiction!