HELP..! 3yr ds wakes in night&early and behavior issues

[shhhh]

HELP please .
Ds is 3 and tbh is like dh with sleep .
BUT nw im at the stage that its getting me down.

Ds no longer naps during the day, has a very active day (nursery 2 days a week, music session,swimming lessons,toddler group etc). He goes to bed any time from 6.30-7pm.

I think he may have ocd as he insists on watching us from his room go downstairs etc. He hates some things being in his room as night (the things may vary from a certain dummy to teddy etc)

I have now removed all toys from his room at night...he was waking very early 4/5/6 am and then playing with the toys and shouting us etc so I guessed these were making him wake iykwim.

BUT no change with the sleep. He wakes most nights at 3/4am just for a chat .
AND often demands dh and not me (another issue is that I think hes got insecurity issues as always wants to know where daddy is, will he be home etc) and often won't allow me to do anything just dh.

May sound ideal to some women but gets me down, not just that he wants dh BUT because if its me who wakes at 4am with him he screams the house down till dh gives in...

WHAT DO I DO...?

He is tiring me out and dh... he then wakes dd up (4 yrs) who is also complaining of tiredness...

Today its mothers day and I feel low and ill and shattered..all due to zip all sleep.

Ds is also a nightmare with behaviour.... will think nothing of throwing dd's crayons over the floor, spoiling her pictures/drawings. He looks through me if I ask him to tidy up, screams at me and refusses to do anything...
The naughty mat is about as much use as a choco teapot, he usually ends up in his rom, sometimes for longer than advised.

BUT he cmes downstairs, says sorry then proceeds to carry on as before..vicious circle really.

Im a sahm and have increased his pre school days to 2 a week as I can't cope with him.

He's constantly emptying cupboards, raiding the fridge, floding the bathroom. Does anything usually in the mins your back is turned..honestly, I could nip upstairs to take washing up,come down and he's waited till I go to do something..

Does he have behaviour issues..?

He has spent time in hospital due to a medical condition and I do at times find it hard to disipline him but now im paying the price...

I guess its true when people say "if you had your 2nd 1st you wouldn't have had more"...

forgot to add:

He drives me insane with repeating "things" To the point that I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I walk to drop him at nursery and the whole 5 mins walk (and quite often since he wakes) he will ask me if I will watch him from the nursery window.

YES is my reply...BUT he still ask's and ask's and ask's.

I have tried ignoring him, changing the subject BUT he ignores me and continues asking..almost to the point that he's frantic by the time we get to nursery. This could also be "I don't want to swim under water" or "is daddy home etc"

Nursery told me fri he was the same with them, they finally told him they would nt answer him again and he lost interest eventually. Doesn't work for me..

Hi, sounds like you're having a difficult time. Your GP or health visitor can refer you to a sleep clinic or sleep specialist to deal with your child's specific sleep issues which might help?

or - i just saw the supernanny programme on c4 is looking for new families - she always seems to sort out kids who don't sleep well - think you can sign up on the channel4 website (if you don't mind being on telly!!)

YOU ARE TIRED!!! Stop and take a big breath! You are doing well!! You need to involve your health visitor for professional help but - make the call you are not failing - phone tomorrow!

Devils advocate:
Are you listening? Doesn't sound like wants to be separated - this is normal and is v young. With nursery drop off - stop - get to child level ask the question - why do you want me to see you from the window? Then - Of course!! - big hugs etc. Is the repeat questioning for attention? Are you smiling? Are you pleased to see your child? Your child is old enough to understand explanations - sometimes it takes more time than you have patience when you are tired!
You are in a cycle that needs breaking but you will come to find the love again - Happy Mothers Day!

aww thanks for the replies .
Yes,you are all right, im very tired...

Feel like I have had motehrs day from hell and blame myself..no reason..

Yes,I think I do need professional help but never find my hv much good esp with ds. Maybe the gp is an option for a sleep clinc..can I attend one of those.? Just for some sleep .

Yes,I do believe ds is trying to tell me something but no idea what. He does pre shcool x2 a week and once there thrives,never asks about mummy&daddy once there but does talk about us (so im told).
He has so many friend there and does come home happy and pleased iykwim.
I greet him with open arms, smiles and lots of love. I praise him constantly both there and at home.
Hmmm maybe I need to look at a reward chart..? So many sleeps and a reward, no asking about "watching out of the window" and rewards.?

Thing is, I ask him why he ask's me the question and constantly and these days the only reply I get is "because I do" .

We put him to bed tonight and before bed he asked the same question again...I answered of course I will watch but please don't ask mummy again, I will reply the same...

Once downstairs he shouts and asks' dh & I the same question..we ended up ignoring him and he gave in as tired..

BTW,sorry about late reply but been to mums do the rounds... Like its my mothers day as well....

I will be back .

Happy mothers day as well, hope its been lovely x

Ohh...and the super nanny idea. Tempting, very tempting...

I think you should firstly visit GP and try to get DS seen by a behavioural specialist/child psychologist to rule out any other disorders. I know it's scary - I had 2 DS with lots of difficult and strange behaviour (one is undiagnosed, but probably has Attention Deficit, the other was diagnosed with autism).

GP may try to fob u off, so be firm - ask preschool for any evidence of strange/difficult behaviour.

Does he have any repetitive behaviours/collections of odd objects/line up toys/have a thing about certain objects/flap his arms/get hyper and need to run up and down to calm himself/get unnecessarily stressed in certain situations/get stressed if introduced to new things?

Sorry, in a rush to go out! Let us know how you get on. Take care of yourself and good luck.

Sorry if last advice sounded over the top, which it does to me a bit now! Just thought it worth mentioning some of the ASD stuff, as it can be so easily mistaken for terrible 2s and 3s, as it was with mine.

I also forgot that ASD usually has language difficulties, which you haven't mentioned at all, so ASD is probably not likely cause.

I do understand how difficult it is - you desperately need help to get sleep sorted or you'll just never feel well enough to cope and feel better all round. i had years of sleep disruption with my first 3 DC and it's all I could think about.

sorry I didn't reply akanga but I didn't hang around mn to much yesterday as not the best day iykwim.

Your advice wasn't OTT at all,quite helpful. Oters had suggested the same on another thread and it got me thinking. Also got dh thinking.(btw,to answer about language..ds's language/speech is excellant for his age..)

We had a huge row yesterday and tbh I felt my marriage was over but today I can look at the situation a bit clearer.
Dh & I finally dcided yesterday to allow me to get back into the routine and although dh is home atm he will take a back seat.

Ds woke today at 5.30am and I planned for us to wake at 7am. I went into him as he needed a wee and explained it was still bed time and said he could either sleep or play quietly. Thought maybe if he stops up he will realise one day that he doesn't come out his room anyway till everyone is ready for breakfast so around 7.45am.

I went back to bed. He was fine then around 6.30am was shouting for daddy. I got up early and ds never came out of his room till 7.45 once dd & I were ready.

Yes,he shouted and screamed,and played and shouted some more...BUT I succeeded iykiwm.

Today I have had a lovely day with him and realise I do love him . He's been tired and I have told him maybe waking at 6am isn';t helping...

Maybe/hopefully tomorrow will be easier. I guess if I persevere it will get easier...
Thanks thought for your help x

Hi there,

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I have permission to put this post up by Mumsnet HQ.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Nastasia
x

ohh..off to speak to dh about it . I would gladly do it but you know men ...

will be back.

What you describe about your son only wanting his dad is I think what a lot of fathers feel. It's a strong attachment to one parent and it's normal, just frustrating. Nobody bats an eye when only mum will do, and so you shouldn't bat an eye at his attachment to his dad. It doesn't in the least mean anything negative about your parenting or his attachment to you.

I have a boisterous 3yo boy who never listens, gets into everything, etc. It's just his personality. You can discipline him to your hearts' content, but I find that the best I can hope for is that he learns how to behave in public. No, seriously, we still persevere with discipline and he does slowly get better, but it is exactly this part of his personality that has allowed him to learn so much. To stifle this part of his personality and teach him it's wrong is to possibly set him up for later failure. The trick and I'm not saying I've found it is to somehow direct this energy. Be able to see his trajectory and redirect him from negative situations. With my son, "will you help me" is the magic phrase, unless he's over-tired.

Over-tiredness is a real enemy. Nursery wasn't telling me when my DS had not taken a nap, and I was letting him stay up to his usual bedtime when he should've been in bed two hours earlier. We were having some horrible issues with rage, but haven't had one since I started asking every day "Did he nap today?" I'm not at all above taking him for a strategically-timed car ride to get him to nap, or, if he doesn't nap, getting him asleep by 6:30pm. He sometimes puts up a furious battle, and lately his delay tactic is "I need to poo" come final lights-out time. What you described about hating things in his room sounded like classic delay tactics to me.

Wow your 3 yr old sounds JUST like mine!!! I'm almost glad in a way that i'm not the only mummy going through this. My eldest wakes 5,6,7 i lose count how many times a night. we've had medication from our peadiatrician for him which didnt work. he looks ill and has suitcases under his eyes. his behaviour is also a major issue as is his speech. just wanted to say i empathise with you as i know its so hard to function when you are so unbelievably tired xx

Mine slept "through" until 5:15 am today -- a record. It's the 4th time in his life he's gone past 2am. Of course I had to go and check on him when I woke up at 3:15 and he wasn't in bed next to me. When I went to get him at 5:15 I told him what a big boy he'd been sleeping in his own bed and he just said "I was lonely." I hope you find something that helps your son soon. We co-sleep after first waking and now he goes through after that. There were days in his second year that I wore my shirt inside out most of the day at work without knowing because I was so tired.

Hi,

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We have recieved permission from Mumsnet HQ to contact individuals about the show in hope we are able to help them.

Please, please do get in contact as soon as possible as we'd love to try and help.

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Children "refuse" to sleep through the night?