Co-sleeping at 6 weeks the start of a bad habit?

[Samkopel]

Well this is my first post and I'm hoping for some advice on co-sleeping which is always a hot topic! My mum stayed with me for 2 weeks and did all the night feeds. But at around 3am DS (who is 5.5wks old) would wake and not settle she would put him in bed with her. She thinks he doesn't like his moses basket. Now she has left and I did the first night feeds in 2 weeks (!) and sure enough after 3am he wouldn't settle so I had to put him in bed with me.
Firstly, is this going to be a bad habit?
And secondly, when my mum comes back to stay again should I insist she doesn't put him in bed with her (or do the night feeds myself).
Thirdly - any advice on how to get them back to sleep when they just won't settle?! (does he really not like his moses basket or is it something else?).
Sorry for the long note....from an ANXIOUS MUM!!

Hello, welcome

I'm very pro co sleeping and think it's a very natural thing to do, and very good for your baby and in fact better for you as it means you don't have to get out of bed so much in the night!

I think you should be guided by your baby, co sleeping is not a bad thing, mine slept in my bed until he was 5 - but school ensured he slept through anywhere, so transferring to his own room wasn't a big problem.

Don't worry about habits at this age, your baby is tiny and is not used to sleeping away from you...having them in your bed helps regulate their breathing, they almost always settle better, it just seems all round a much better idea than a cot.

I know of very few babies who would settle in their moses baskets when they were tiny. You're not alone!

The question of whether it's a 'bad habit' - well, it may become a habit (though habits are very easy to break especially when a baby is young) - but whether it's a 'bad' one or not completely depends on how it affects you. I've co-slept with both of my dds and find it much easier than having to get up and do night feeds. Also very sweet and cosy and cuddly. On the other hand it does tend I think to result in babies sleeping through the night later than babies who are in their own cots. So it's up to you to sort out what matters most to you. The important thing is to go with your own feelings and not let anyone tell you that there is a 'right' or 'wrong' way to do it.

I think swaddling can help to settle the baby back to sleep, though it is very common for wakings after a certain point (say, 3am) to be trickier, and lots of people do end up with the baby in bed with them from that point of the night.

I think your mum sounds great and you should make the most of any help she offers!

HI everyone, thanks for the messages, its so reassuring to get everyone's views and seeing that everyone has the same issues/concerns/anxieties! I need to relax a bit more and just go with the flow. The problem is when you read too many books (baby whisperer) about how your baby should behave. As my mum always says: babies don't read books!

Yes, definitely relax and go with the flow - the most important thing is that you will enjoy your baby more that way. Ditch the books. This is your baby, your life, you can do it your way. And try not to compare notes too much with other first-time mums who think they need to follow the books!

I would say that it is a nurturing thing to do. Generally, people in Britain (ok big generalisation coming...) are too keen to get babies to be independent etc. Babies are just that and they need the love and warmth - your baby is happy cosleeping so I'd continue. Yes, it could become a habit, but that's life really.

It's the most natural thing you can do with your baby. no such thing as forming 'bad habits' with such a young baby. Do what comes naturally to you, trust your instincts as they will tell you wat's best for your DS. I co-slept with my DS right from te beginning as it made BFing so much easier and it just felt so right. He is now 17mths and we've moved him to his own cot in his own room with not much difficulty as he was hogging the bed and waking up for night feeds when he didn't really need them. We all sleep great now and I would do it all exactly the same next time around.

We are supposed to sleep with our young and we are supposed to carry them around with us. It is a fundamental part of their development to be close to their mothers 24/7. Don't let anybody make you feel guilty or that you are making a 'rod for your own back'. We have a long way to go before we change society's views on bringing up children. We've come a long way from the natural, close proximity child rearing pre-victorian times and people are just beginning to realise that. We need to adopt the methods we used to have which were to carry our babies around with us, breastfeed and co-sleep.

I've started off with wanting to follow the baby whisperer advice like you but decided to ditch it all and keep my dd in her bedside cot and cuddle her to sleep. Now that she can roll, she will desperately try to roll into our bed although I lie nose to nose with her anyway. For the last 2 nights, she has just slept in our bed and it has been wonderful. She has been much more settled and I LOVED having her in my arms. Definitely, go for it and let us know how you get on.

co-sleeping saved my sanity in the early days

i would highly recommend it

I fed DD to sleep, co-slept etc and at 5 months she is now sleeping in her cot and goes to sleep on her own - she now WON'T feed to sleep - she unlatches herself

The only note of caution is that i wouldn't let my baby sleep with someone that wasn't me

i don't know what the guidance is and i could be utterly wrong but your mum is less likely to be aware of your baby in bed with her and sleep more heavily

I'm also having the same dilemma with my 2 week old. She won't settle in our room in her moses basket for her first sleep of the night (10pm onwards) so I've been bringing her in bed with me. I think she just finds it too dark and too quiet and gets upset. I also don't want to start a habit but I find that after her next feed (around 3am) she will often settle in her basket then. So we do some co-sleeping and some moses basket, in the hope that eventually she'll do moses basket from the start. We'll see... Good luck!

had a better night last night and DS didn't join us in bed until 7am and I didn't feel bad at all having taken everyone's advice. I even managed to enjoy it! I thought he hated the moses basket, but I've realised that baby's behave differently everyday - what isn't right one day often changes the next.

Much more relaxed about it all, thanks very much mumsnetters!!