Do I need to just accept that I'm a failure of a mother, and never sleeping again will be my punishment?

[arolf]

DS 5 months is EBF, huge, and has just started BLW, taking to it well thus far.

between new years and about 10 days ago, we'd got him only waking 2-3 times between 10 pm and 6am, which was amazing compared to how he used to be! however, last week, I took him on a 5 hr train journey to visit my parents, and since then he's been waking every 45 minutes at night, and a few times not sleeping at all, but screaming blue murder between 12 and 5 am. he's feeding at every wakening, but seems to find it uncomfortable, plus which he's gone from weekly poos to hourly explosive green poos. I thought this might be teething or a tummy upset, but according to my mum it's all my own fault for not having a rigid routine, and I need to make him sleep. she has told me not to waste any health professional's time with such a trivial problem too, so I've done what she says - she has had 4 kids, so does have way more experience than i do. I just don't know what to do though

he does normally have 2 or 3 naps a day, usually after breakfast, late afternoon, and if that's a short one, early evening too. since he was born, we have taken him to bed at 10 with us, and since new year, put him in his bedside cot, and let him go to sleep when the light goes out.

I just feel like such a shit mother as he gets so wound up with not sleeping that he gets over tired. I give him lots of opportunities to sleep - in the car, in his pushchair with the hood over it, in the sling, in his cot twice a day. he just yells now, like when he was newborn, with occasional 10 minute catnaps, then fury until the next feed. he also has calmed down drastically the 2 times we couldn't cope and gave him calpol.

what can I do, other than accept defeat and let my mother gloat about how crap I am as a parent?

sorry for the epic

An alternative approach could be to privately think that your mother is wrong, and that your DC is teething or about to come down with something.

My blighters go through such phases, especially after a change in routine, and although it seems like a long time, made worse by the fact you are not sleeping, it's "only" been 10 days and I would be surprised if it didn't go back to how it was.

good luck

I mean privately think as opposed to having a row discussion with your mother about it, which for me only winds me up even more.

You are NOT crap!!! No way. Don't listen to your Mum.
Sorry can't offer any advice, my little lo is only 10 weks old.

hi arolf, i remember you were in labour when i was!

sometimes when you start giving them food, they are more wakeful. their digestive systems are coping with completely new things to process. maybe blw needs to wait until after 6 months? if you do want to wean before 26 wks i would stick to baby rice and purees. also, food has less calories than milk so he may be more hungry.

you aren't a shit mum at all x

can you feed him to sleep? daytime sleeps are harder. once they are established eaters, routines just fall into place and so do their naps. just ride it out until then.

if you are happy with what you're doing then ignore your mum. if needs be, lie

see your hv if you want, that is what they're there for!

We had a nightmare with DS around 5/6 months. He was awake and screaming in the night for up to 3 hours and I seriously didn't think it was ever going to end. He had a bit of a funny tummy like you said your DS has (but not every 45mins - perhaps you need to stop the weaning as it might not agree with his young tummy or just check with doctor what else could be wrong).

We just had to go with it because DS wouldn't stop crying no matter have much I BF him in the night. At the time I felt like the worst mum in the world because my friends all had babies who were just starting to sleep through the night and declared how easy life was becoming

DS just grew out of the phase - I seriously can't tell you anything else. He didn't become a great sleeper but at least we got it down to 1 night time wake. Ride the storm, vent your anger on MN and maybe tell your mum that you're doing the best you can.

thanks all! we're taking BLW very very slowly - as in, giving him a bit of broccoli to play with and if he eats some, lucky him. my mum spoon fed him some avocado last week , but he seemed fine the following day. we've not given him food since he stopped sleeping really, as he doesn't seem to be in the mood for it.

I'm glad (not sure this is the right word!) that others have had problems too - makes me feel less crap. my mum is just being a nightmare at the moment, not sure why.

I am feeding him every time he 'asks' for it, which has been 12-14 times a day for the past few days - the other day I calculated he'd had 16 feeds (both sides!) in 24 hrs. It is so frustrating when all my pals have babies who sleep all night, and only feed 5 times a day now. I'd got him down to 8 feeds a day and felt great!

just need to vent, and keep calm and carry on I guess.

thanks

devils - i remember those labour threads how is your DC? my DS is just lovely apart from the whole sleep thing! can't wait until he sleeps well so we can have another one!!

arolf, it will happen. yo may want to think about some sleep training. there are lots of different ways (as i'm sure you know). if your baby can resettle himself back to sleep you may find that he sleeps better at night. i honestly wouldn't worry about the day naps, like i said, he'll fall into a routine around mealtimes in a few months.

sounds like he's still getting plenty of milk so probably just a little thing he's going through atm. i'm assuming your friends who feed 5 times a day are ff? that doesn't happen with bf babies as you well know.

little nugget of advice: don't worry about the future, will he ever X? or will he ever Y? just concentrate on now. things change all the time, before you know it they've stopped one problem but are on to the next. don't try and stay one step ahead of the game, just focus on day to day. HOWEVER, if YOU aren't happy or it's getting too much, then make a change. in your situation i would:

6.30 bath and splashtime
6.45 ready for bed
7.00 lie down feeding time on the bed, lights low, no talking (i read a book)
7.30-45 put him down drowsy with lights out

don't let him nap after 5pm

this is the only 'routine' i have. the rest of the day, he naps where and when he wants!

good luck arolf

Perhaps he is teething after all? I seem to remember my DS would have runny and more frequent nappies when he was teething, which I put down to him swallowing more saliva. Also, if Calpol works then perhaps he is unsettled by teething pain.

You're not a crap mum by the way!

also, feel free to pop in to the oct 09 postnatal thread, there are lots of lovely ladies there all having the exact same problems with sleep

arolf
xx
no advice but you're not crap!

no, it's at least 3 friends with BF babies who are 1 week +/- the same age as DS! all on 5 feeds a day. god alone knows how.

we've been trying not to let him sleep in the evening, as one the few occasions we have let him, he's done his 5 hr stint before midnight, and we're then up all flaming night. well, I am! I've been making DP sleep downstairs to make sure he's refreshed enough to give me a break at the weekends

sleep training - well, we'd been doing that to a degree. let him wake and whinge for a few minutes before feeding. dummy in if he's awake before we feel he's actually hungry (i.e. he goes 5 hrs one night, then is up after 2 hrs the following night - dummy in, shush pat back to sleep). it was working really well until now! now he just refuses the dummy (saves me worrying about weaning him off it i suppose!), and proper full body rigid screams until we cuddle him and he can calm enough to feed.
he's conked out now, so may try and get him into bed, eat my dinner, then sleep myself. fingers crossed, and thanks for the support, it really helps to whinge to folk who have been there more recently than 20 years ago and thus know what they're talking about

yes, i think people tend to be delusional remember things differently from how they actually happened.

i even found that with ds1 and he's only 2 so god knows how little you can remember after 20 years or so!

aaawwwww! i just had a look at your pics, he is GORGEOUS

hate to say it, i've forgotten everything i ever knew about babies, but have you seen a doctor with him?

Another one who thinks it could be teething pain. My dd always wants to feed constantly when she's teething. The suckling relieves the pain apparently, and there's something analgesic in breastmilk too iirc.

I'd put my money on your first idea - teething (although you may not see the results for weeks or months). The green explosive poo could be due to swallowing more saliva, or to lots of small frequent feeds which he's switched to because it hurts when he feeds.

Perhaps I crack open the Calpol too readily, but really, if there's a solution, I'd say use it (carefully of course). Personally I tend to save it for the nights and deal with the grumbling during the day if I can (and if it's apparent the pain is bearable).If he's had a decent nights sleep (and you have too), you'll all deal with the days better. You could also try infant neurofen (I think you can use alternately with Calpol but you could check that with your local pharmacist).

Oh, and do go and have a chat to your HV. That's what they are for. And you don't have to tell your Mum!

Hi arolf,

I'm not sure we've ever spoken before, but I had a non-sleeper who is now 3 and I wanted to back up something a PP said.

Calpol - paracetamol - doesn't "settle" infants or sedate them or anything. It removes pain and fever. It'll do nothing for a child where there is nothing wrong.
If calpol makes your DS sleep then it sounds like he is teething or something similar and it is relieving his pain.

Your mum is wrong - you sounds like a fab mum, you know your DS, and you would not be wasting either a HV or GPs time if that is something you feel might help you and DS.

I'm sure your Mum is lovely, but what a very unhelpful thing to say. Agree totally with the poster who said that people forget the lack of sleep with their own DCs. My DD1 was appalling until she was 3 (she now sleeps perfectly). I too have only hazy recollections of the hell and she is only 3.8 now.
Certainly sounds like teething to me.

Hi honey. Everyone has different ways of parenting, esp. when it comes to sleep, and the important thing is to remember that the way your mum did things worked for her. However you decide to do things is up to you. You need to find your own way and you will as time goes on.

Here's a funny video about baby sleep I got emailed yesterday from Sleepytot which will make you laugh - and help you realise that we're all in the same boat!

And they have some good sleep advice on their site as well which might help you think about the way you want to do things.

My mother in law was always telling me what to do and in the end I just stopped listening and started doing things my own way. Which was liberating!

Hi arolf I'm convinced we have the same DS sometimes!

How's his feeding? Is it still very frequent? I had something similar with DS where he had a run of green explosive poos. I started block feeding (offering same boob in a 2-4 hour window) which meant he didn't get too much watery foremilk. It's cleared up now.

We've also had a bedtime routine going although DS falls asleep on the boob so can't get him to self settle as he drops off so quickly! He has done it in the night with no prompting though. Anyway he wakes up loads in the night and usually wants feeding.

Have you tried those teething dummies? They're really good - my DS loves to chew on his. Much easier than a teething ring and as they're rubbery, he can have a good chomp. Maybe one of those will help.

I know what you mean about friends with babies sleeping through. Well I've decided to ignore them and you should too. I've read so much which indicates that some people just get lucky.

I hope you're ignoring your mum!

What is it with mothers sometimes? Mine is much the same. When my first son was waking early she bemoaned the fact I didn't have a large enough house that I could just dump him the other end and sleep through his early morning noise. I mean, I ask you. I didn't appreciate the 5 am wake up, but he was still my baby and I wouldn't have wanted to just abandon him elsewhere in a large house, even had we had one!
Another friend has commented the same. We concluded mothers just don't like to see their daughter suffering and prefer to blame baby or said daughter's own poor judgement, rather than admit how hard caring for a baby really is.
I can't help with the sleep - but with the mother: you just lie. I have been claiming that my second baby, now six months, has been pretty much 'sleeping through the night' since her birth! (On a good night she wakes 3 times between my bedtime and 6.30 .. and that's a good one...) Don't turn to your mum for advice or sympathy about baby's sleep, and if she asks, just lie or throw her of the scent - 'oh fine, getting much better now ...'. You think your mum will be a great support, turns out they're not. Just don't talk about it!
Hope the sleep gets better soon!