What have we done?!

[Galena]

DD is 10 months, although only 7 months corrected due to extreme prematurity. She has never slept 7-7, although about 3 weeks ago was sleeping 7-11-6:30 with a feed at 11 then straight back down to sleep. I could cope with that!

4 weeks ago she got a nasty cold and had unsettled nights. 3 weeks ago she got another nasty cold, which ended up with us spending 3 nights in hospital with her on oxygen. The day after we got out of hospital she started chicken pox. We are just reaching the end of the pox (all her spots are crusted over so no longer infectious hooray!)

However, last night is a fairly typical night now - 7-10:15 awake till 12:45, then asleep till 5, then feeding till 6 then asleep till 7.

She is still bf overnight so I am the only one who can go to her. There are slight concerns about her weight gain so when she does wake I feed her as she drinks VERY little milk in the day. During the 2.5hrs awake last night, she would feed to sleep, then as soon as I put her down she'd scream. If I put my hand on her chest in the cot she'd quieten down, until I moved away from the cot at which point she'd scream. If I cuddled her she'd sleep - until I put her down (Seeing any pattern here?!)

The thing is, over the past few weeks while she's been in hospital and then poxy, she's been so miserable we've been cuddling her for all her daytime sleeps. She's seldom tolerated sleeps in the day in her cot (putting up blackout linings today to see if that helps) but will usually sleep in the pushchair if we go out. Because she's been infectious, we've not been out so we've cuddled her. We've also been giving her her dummy at night, which was always just a daytime thing before her illnesses.

I really, really can't take this any more. I can't handle so little sleep. I get her to sleep, go back to bed and think it's all quiet when she'll start again (last night it was about 10 mins of peace at one point and I was just drifting off to sleep when she started again). I've tried leaving her to yell, but a) I'm aware the neighbours can hear her and b) she just keeps screaming and screaming.

So... Where do I go from here? I've spent much of the last 3 nights in tears as she screams. How can I remind her that she CAN sleep without me holding her? How can I get rid of nighttime dummies again? Have I ruined her sleep habits forever? HELP!

Poor you and DD! Don't panic - she's had a rough run, and it will just take a bit to get her back on track. It sounds like she was a very good sleeper and she will get back there (7-11-6:30 sounds really good to me!).

I'm not an expert on dummies (we ditched ours at about 5.5 months, using a combo of No Cry Sleep Solution and Baby Whisperer approaches), but can she put it in and out herself? You can either try to tackle the learning to be okay without holding to sleep part, and leave the dummy (if she is able to put it in and out herself, this could be a good option) or else ditch the dummies full stop and try to work on the whole thing at once. Personally I would either go with dummies day and night or no dummies - could be confusing for her otherwise.

I have always had good luck with a gradual withdrawal type approach. Especially because she was a good sleeper - she just needs a bit of reminding. So you start by holding her until drowsy but awake (less drowsy and more awake as the days go by), put in cot, stay with her as she falls asleep, even sleep on the floor beside her cot for a few nights, and hopefully she will gradually feel better about going into her cot awake and drifting off. I put a mattress on DS's floor and sleep there when he's going through a bad patch - I have never had to sleep in there for more than 2 nights in a row before he seems to improve and will be more easily soothed by a bit of shh/patting.

Problem is it might take a while to see results, and it will be tiring for you in the process. Will she take a bottle? If there is any way that you could get a few unbroken nights yourself just to rest up before you start the re-training process??

There are more drastic things, like the Baby Whisperer Pick Up Put Down approach. But this will also be very tiring for you at least for a few days so it is important that you somehow get some rest to steel your strength!

So sorry to hear you're having such a hard time Galena. You must be exhausted. But remember how very poorly she has been over the past weeks, and she's not yet properly better.

Try not to worry about how you're getting through this, as DD just needs your support as she'll be feeling totally overwhelmed by the illnesses she's had and clinging to you as her only constant.

She will begin to feel better soon, and you'll know when the time is right to start trying to gently wean her off the props you've had to introduce while she's been poorly.

Can anybody be conscripted in to give you a bit of night-time relief in the meantime?

Thanks for the replies. Unfortunately it's just me and DH as both our families live far away. We made progress yesterday though. No dummy all night and 45 minutes yelling instead of 2 hrs at her long wake. Did our understanding of CC halfway through this 45 mins and she was asleep 20 mins later. Woke up to a happy smily baby girl this morning too, so I guess the time was just right for her.

Well done on the dummy, and it sounds as if you made some good progress with helping her get back to sleep. You know we've had to resort to CC with DS, and it took him much longer than 20mins, so I think you're definitely right that she was ready for it iyswim.

It is such a pain parents being so far away. I suspect mine are actually reasonably close to you, but no good for me in London!

3 minutes to settle for nap time this afternoon (with dummy). I actually find it easier to have the dummy in the daytime, and she had been coping for about 3 months with dummy in the day and not at night, so I don't think it confused her too much. Here's hoping it's the way to go!

Thanks guys (and IsItMe, your parents are welcome to adopt me as a surrogate daughter if they want - especially if your mum's a good cook!)

Sounds like you have had success today, fingers crossed it's the shape of things to come.

mum does a lovely roast! If you're craving some good food, these people are pretty good if what friends served us from there for a dinner party is representative of their range.