Coping with newborn

[Joy27]

I'm sure there are many threads like this out there, but I could really do with some support.

My baby girl is 16 days old and I'm finding the exhaustion hard to cope with. On balance, I suppose my daughter sleeps well- on a good night she feeds at 8.30pm. 10.30pm, 3.30am and 6.30am. On a bad night, like last night, it was 8.30pm, 1am, 4am, 6am, 8am. In the day she feeds every three hours (sometimes needing waking up to do so).

The problem is that she takes so long to settle after a feed- the whole process often takes two hours, leaving very little time for me to sleep before next feed. She grunts and groans and generally seems to be suffering with wind, and nothing I have tried seems to sort it out. Often she seems settled but when I put her down she starts to make windy noises again and I have to rub her tummy for half an hour or more.

We've developed a routine of sorts, more for our sanity than to try and "train" her: bath at around 6.30pm then quiet time all evening. Sometimes this allows us to eat dinner together, sometimes it all goes to pot and she's up squeaking all evening.

My partner has gone back to work, and though he does change nappies at night, I don't think it's fair to ask him to be up for hours settling her.

I know this is all normal, but I'm finding it very hard- I barely feel recovered from the birth tbh. I adore my daughter and I feel sad that sometimes the tiredness feels like it's stopping me from enjoying her as much.

Any tips for settling a windy baby? And just generally staying sane?

Sorry for long post.

what's nonsensical about co-sleeping?

zebedee.

Just because you don't agree with co-sleeping doesn't make it nonsense.

If you're breastfeeding then co-sleeping in the early weeks makes a huge difference zebedee. After trying to keep DS in a moses basket and get him out for every feed at night (then him falling asleep on me) it was easier and safer to cosleep properly. I don't think I would have kept up the BF otherwise.

Like I said, co-sleeping from the off is the one thing I would do if I did it again - it makes an enormous difference to how rested you feel, and if you try and get the day time naps to be in the moses basket you may be able to transfer him easily to the basket in a few weeks time for night-time, if you so wish. I was always so tired because dd would wake, feed quickly and then take an hour to resettle: it was the resettling that would tire me out, not the feeding...

I also found the early days so so so tiring: I remember not being able to see out of my left eye during the Wright Stuff as I was so knackered (some might say that was a good thing...). You may or may not get more sleep in the next few weeks, but you DO get more used to it, and it DOES get better. One day at a time! Best of luck...

i second the swaddling was a life saver with both my dds,

with my second i would keep her swaddled during feed enless she needed changin (only if dirty i wud change)

wind her swaddled to then put her back into mose basket which was slightly upright on a pillow all this seemed to really help, also used a dummy sometimes if she stirred again n it hadnt been long since previous feed to get her to go slightly longer.

she was never keen but if settled her down again for a while n she refused a bottle until7mth n completely rejected dummy around 11wk when she found her fingers..which was great n still is she is 23mth n settles herself if she ever wakes.

she didnt sleep throu consistantly until 7mth but did get to the stage of 1 4am feed long before that

I second the advice on getting as much rest and sleep as you possibly can by letting relatives come in and help you out, by taking the baby for an hour or two. Forget housework, that will wait. let your relative put a load of washing on for you, or tidy up the kitchen.

I wish I had taken my own advice with DS really, because I was so exhausted I couldn't enjoy the very early days with him. It is sad looking back but I just wished the newborn stage away!

Second time round I will be making sure I take my own advice and sleep is SO important, you have to rest for your own sanity.

Congratulations btw. It does get easier in some respects, but they do have a wee growth spurt around 6-8 weeks so be prepared to feed alot more!lol

The dummy saved us! It just helped DS/us settle for the first few months and we took it off him when he got to 4 months when his wind and general new born grumpiness went away!

Things got better for us at about 8 weeks - believe me, until then your baby is just getting used to being in the real world and coping with all the new things he can see. I don't think I've heard of many babies who just get on with it and settle and sleep well in the early weeks.

You will survive! Keep letting your relatives/friends take the baby out for a walk and be strong with visitors - just say you need a rest and if they do insist on coming round (and you trust them) as them to take DD for a walk. Or at least make them bring you a bloody nice lunch!

Hi Joy, the early days are so, so hard. You imagine it's going to be oh so blissful and suddenly you're awash with hormones going crazy, severe sleep deprivation and this huge responsibility.

I suggest you get as much rest as you can and if you find it hard listening to your baby's grunts and moans (they are noisy little blighters) try sleeping in a different room to her when you nap in the day. I used to wear my hubby's power tool ear muffs on my head because I just couldn't sleep listening to my little one's noises. It made me worried.

Take a look at some good advice on getting your baby's sleep on track here - baby sleep advice.

For me, things got easier at about 6 weeks. Give yourself time to adjust though. X

congrats on your baby!

ds was waking constantly and we worked out he is cold. he now has a sleepiong bag (gro bag thingy), and is swaddled and has a cotton thin hat on at night. worked a treat, so sleeps like your good nights. I also feed 2-3 hourly in the day to tank him up. I have older kids so reaally can't manage being up all night too.

Try getting out for a short time each day, fresh air can help you both sleep better. And no housework! I find that one reaaly hard as 2 minutes and the kids have it like a bomb site.

sorry no punctuatrion, feeding and typingf at once

Swaddling, keep her swaddled during feed and winding.
No nappy changes in night unless there is a poo.
Ignore the snuffly noises unless she is upset etc. All my dc's were very noisy at night, but they were asleep, just sleeping noisily!!
Don't wake her to feed. Again all my dc's fed better if they fed when they wanted it and woke accordingly.
Deffo learn to feed lying down. Very important that one.

wow when I saw the title of this thread
Coping with newborn
I thought - wow someone has actually cracked it!

Congrats, all advice here is brill, don't wake to feed, and cluster feed all evening, put babe on her tummy over your knee to wind her, and don't change nappies at night if there's no poo.

Get blackout blinds for her bedroom window, if she's in your room, get them for your room!

And take babe up to bed for a few days - all these suggestions are good.

Leave any non essential work for later.

Enlist the help of someone (or TESCO) to do your shopping etc.

Enjoy, and remember when the tiredness is getting to you that it gets better with time, (about three months) and also that they're so tiny for such a short time, just spend hours gazing at her.. she adores you you know!

Joy27, our DS was a very windy baby and it would often wake him up. That seems to have improved recently (he is now 10 weeks).

His sleeping at night improved between 2 and 6 weeks, and then improved lots more at 9 weeks, when it started to take him less time to settle after night feeds (although last night was a notable exception!)

I think the key thing I've learnt is not to wait for things to change and stay changed - they change all the time in both positive and negative ways from your point of view.

I've not co-slept myself, as DS has usually needed rocking back to sleep, but some research quoted in the No-Cry Sleep Solution says that breastfeeding mothers who co-sleep end up with sleep cycles which are synchronised with the baby, so waking up is less painful.