Getting a bf co-sleeper into her own bed

[dorisbonkers]

I've posted before, and I know other people have had the same problem.

Briefly, bf to sleep DD who has slept with me since birth. She's now 16 months and on a bad night can take 2 hours to bf to sleep and frequently wakes. Some nights are quick and easy but the situation is still quite bad.

I've gone back to three days a week and DH looks after her those days. Some days I have to get up really early but she's attached to my boob so wakings involve crying, and in many cases DH driving us all in to work.

I think I want to start trying her in her own bed (she's never been in a cot) and was going to buy a single bed from Ikea.

Can someone talk me through gradual withdrawal?

Do I get a single bed, bf her to sleep on that first, going in as need be, then what?

I have frequently said I've come to the end of my tether, but now I work, I really, really am feeling like I need a couple of hours. Plus I don't think 1-2 hours of thrashy breastfeeding is really doing her many favours either. We both seem crabby and pissed off!

Plus, sometimes she sleeps well but I am so tense and wired and expecting her to wake that I don't sleep. One day a week I go to work on almost no sleep at all.

DH is cool about co-sleeping but would like some more room in bed now (she sleeps horizontally)

Oh, she is a napper in the sling or on me so I don't even get those nap times to get some space, so I feel I need space especially keenly by evening.

Thanks in advance, Best try getting her to bed for the third time this evening.

bump

Hi,
I had a similiar problem but my DD was a bit younger. After countless months getting nowhere with NCSS, this is what I did. Up to a point it was so much easier than I thought it would be but, mind you, my DD was 7mo, so less able to express herself than a 16mo old.

First 3 nights (all NWings and days after), after bedtime routine, I deep bouncer her from standing. Kind of like what she was used to in the sling. If she cried, I bounced deeper (quite a workout!) Then when she was asleep, I sat down and held her for 10 min. Then I VERY CAREFULLY laid her down.

The next 3 nights, we sat in the rocking chair and rocked together until she was asleep. 10 mins, then down. I expected tears but amazingly there were none.

(BTW, at this point NW started to decrease)

The next 3 nights, we just sat still til asleep, 10mins then down.

Then, and this is where we started the transition out of my bed, I put her cot mattress on the floor of her room and I cuddled her to sleep. I slept next to DD but not on her mattress.

Then for the next 3 nights, i just put mt hand on her back/tummy. Slept in her room.

Next 3 nights, I moved her mattress into her cot and put my arm through the bars. This was the first time I got tears and it took her 2hrs to fall asleep. it was totally traumatic but after all the work I'd done, I didn't want to go back and I felt better prepared to brave a few tears than I had before. This was the hardest phase but after the 3 nights she slept through and seemed to settle better if I wasn't with her.

You might have to keep slowly withdrawing, moving closer to the door each night, etc.

Now, things are a bit better. We still have ups and downs. She still ends up on my lap napping sometimes now. Teething and illness set us back but, I was really surprised how the above worked for us and felt like it was very gentle.

Good luck with yours. Let me know what you are planning to do.

Dorisbonkers - your post could have been written by me. In almost identical situation except that I am feeding DD (15mo) on and off all night - last night there were 7 occasions between 8pm and 7am! DH now in spare room - one of us has to sleep. Will be v.interested to hear how you get on if you follow advice of Eliamum. Good luck.

Will watch this with interest! DD is 19 months old and I see the need for a bed on the horizon too.

at thsi age. i stopped bfing dd at night. dh would offer a cup of milk instead. she was still in the bed but it helped. good luck! it is hellish.

Me too, dd4 is 16 mo and im starting to get knackered!

Ooh there are quite a few of us in this (sleepless) boat!

I will be reading suggestions with interest...

DS is 15mo and bf to sleep for naps and night time. If tired enough he bf to sleep fairly painlessly at night and wakes at 11 for a quick feed, then on a good night through til 6, then snacky-feedy-sleep til 7.

Bad night- lots more wakings in between 11 and 5 and constant snacky-feedy-sleeping from 5-7.

He is in his cot with one of the sides down and up against our bed (DH has built a wooden platform to achieve this!) So he is on his own most of the time but night feeds/early morning feeds he is snuggled in against me and bf lying down.

My plan was to make this a bridge from being in our bed to being on his own. But I feel we're a bit stuck- might work for you though dorisbonkers? If there's enough room in the bedroom.

I have also stopped feeding him to sleep in the day for his nap. I have more of a set time now (1pm), we go up, he has two books read to him and then I sing and rock him to sleep. Going to try and stop the rocking and step by step reduce this new sleep prop...

I also read on MN on another thread of a woman who bought her DD a double bed for her room, and went to her and slept with her in the night, bit by bit retreating, and occasionally going back.

It's a tough one.

have you read this dorisbonkers?

Another one here watching with interest.
DD will be 2 in April and last night I stopped BF - it had been once at night to get to sleep and sometimes a couple of times in the night.

I have put a toddler bed up next to my bed for her to get used to, and I'll take it from there.

Hey dorisbonkers - I could have written your posting too!
Have recently had success with night weaning DS who is 19mths. Tried it last Nov and failed so I guess he was ready this time. Made big fuss about milkies going night night as he fed to sleep then when he woke at night said milkies were asleep. He fussed a bit for the first couple of nights but accepted it amazingly quickly and will now settle with cuddles.
Still have to feed to sleep at and during nap times and still have to be there all evening and night to cuddle back to sleep though and am also desperate for space. Thanks mrsmotmot for link - gonna try it out starting tonight!

I have been trying 8 month old bf co-sleeper to go to sleep firstly, stay asleep and finally actually be in a cot. Not sure if we've cracked it, but we found that the key is carbohydrates at teatime. She was waking really frequently etc, and since feeding lots of carbs.... it has all been much better (she says being interrupted by said 8mo...waking up) Anyway it is not perfect yet, but last night she just did not wake up for a feed, and the night before she woke up at 4am....a big improvement on previously. I just wanted to try to avoid the whole refusing to give milk thing just as we did with DD1, who just stopped waking up, she also used to eat a lot of carbs.

How is everyone getting on?

well my son is 27 months and STILL wakes up arnd 5 times a ngt! I tried da cryn2 slp routine, he cried for an hour and still wouldnt fall aslp! Whn he FINALLY fall aslp he'l be up in 10 mins tme! I tried rockin hm 2 slp bt whn i put hm dwn in bed he wld wke up! So im gritting my teeth and bearing the pain. . . . .i look like a zombie and feel like 1 too! Lol

After experiencing pretty much all of the above I bought the No Tears Baby Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley - an expert who was breastfeeding and co-sleeping when she wrote the book!