What are the cons of Controlled Crying? We know the pros...

[Bubbasmama]

My baby has been a good sleeper from the beginning (6 months old), but she has never slept through the night. She is BF and now, BLW. Not eating yet, still playing with her food. I imagine that being BF makes her wake and she, sometimes, seems genuinely hungry at night or wakes with a dirty nappy and is very chatty- at 3:30 am! The good sleep comes in waves and then vanishes! Sleeping for chunks of time- 4 hour stretches and then all of the sudden she will have a week of interrupted sleep and waking at 5am. My hubby and I have been thinking of trying CC. The one thing that stops me is that there is no talk of the cons of this method. And when I look around at most adults theses days, well, let's just say that most people seem pretty maladjusted. (especially city dwellers) I can assume that most people were left to cry it out. I really don't know what to do. I am tired.

DO we know the pros? Personally I don't see any pros to CC apart form to the parents.

The cons, well, babies cry for a reson, it's their way of communicating. To ignore that just doesn't seem right to me.

Not sure you can look around you and make sweeping generalisations about adults being maladjested and put that down to them being left to cry it out as babies though. If only it where that simple.

It's thought that a large amount of cortisol can be detrimental to a baby's developing brain and cause emotional problems later in life. Plus it is thought that CC "works" because basically a baby learns you will not attend to it's needs so it stops bothering trying to communicate them to you.

Totally sympathise with you - still having lack of sleep after 18m!

Of course you are tired, but not sure CC will help that. Will you sleep through crying?

It is tiring having a baby, but sleeping through for 4 hrs at a time sounds good actually, and it won't be like this forever, she'll soon be sleeping for longer and later.

Now that my DS is 7 I don't even remember the sleepless nights and early mornings that went with him being a baby.

Riven that's fine in your case.

Agree that leaving babies to cry is just sending them the message that they might as well not bother as you won't repsond to their needs.

I don't see any pros whatsoever tbh

She will be confused and distressed, unable to understand why mummy or daddy are not coming when she calls them.

There are no pros imo. Makes me shudder just thinking about.

I think that in young babies controlled crying is a bit harsh as they do not understand. I have just started using CC for my second son (he is 21 months). He slept fine until last month when I moved him into a bed - in hindsight bad move, but now have to stick it out. He cries with anger and frustration as I am no longer at his bedside rubbing his head until he sleeps ! A baby though might be crying for different reasons (ie lonely, confused)
When my first son was young I used to settle him, leave the room, go straight back in when he cried, settled him, leave the room, go back in when he cried, etc etc - and it could last up to 2 hours, but I think it took about a week for him to start settling himself. You have to be mentally prepared to do it.

Oh and meant to say I BF my second son until 7.5 months and I am very very for BF, so do not take this the wrong way, but once he was weaned he started sleeping through !

Do you mean we know the reasons AGAINST CC and you want to know the benefits? And do you mean most adults are well-adjusted or maladjusted? Sorry, maybe me being dense, don't understand.

My Ds's osteopath has said that babies who had a traumatic birth may need more reassurance when they sleep as they are still dealing with the birth trauma. Leaving them to cry if they are scared seems cruel to me if that is the case. He has however said that osteopathy helps them deal with the birth and that cc might become something to consider if waking is just habbit. Ive no idea if this is the case or not. I just think that while my ds may not sleep much he does things that other babies who sleep through the night dont do and that i would not swap him for a nights sleep.

I ahven't really read thread properly but from title...It depends how you do it,

it has the potential though if carried out in a less than ideal manner, to turn your baby into a very troubled person. That's extreme but there's much research to back up a lack of being responded to as a tiny baby creates a huge amount of rage and can also cause severe attachment problems.

JMO and please don;t take it as a general attack on CC as I am sure in most people's hands the effects are not nearly this serious. Just be very very careful indeed and don't ignore your instincts.

Nature makes us respond to infants because it is necessary for their safe development. Don't mess with it.

Crying every night, parents no sleep, baby no sleep.

Controlled crying for two nights max then parents sleep and baby sleeps. Parents not sleep deprived therefore happier.

Happier parents = happier baby.

Seems a no brainer to me..

[runs and hides]

Yebbut, babies don't just cry for no reason. They do tend to sleep at some point, it might just be an awkward time.

I covered this the other day so am repeating. Happier parents = happier baby is a load of old crap.

It doesn't work in any of the ways you want it to. At worst it causes problems later, see other comments and links about cortisol.

It doesn't teach a baby to sleep happily and safe in the knowledge that its parents respond to its only method of communication. It doesn't teach them that bed is good and lovely. It teaches them to give up asking for you.

Nightime parenting, imo is as important as daytime parenting. My child doesn't stop having needs because it's dark. She certainly doesn't stop having needs on the day I decide she does as I enter into a method of sleep 'training' that she doesn't understand, isn't prepared for and is quite upsetting for all concerned.

I find it amazing really that you would do something to a baby, a being dependent upon you for its welfare, that you wouldn't do to an adult. If dh is sad/upset/lonely/can't sleep and wants a cuddle or needs a drink then I wouldn't block his only route to it. I certainly wouldn't do it to a baby who has needs that extend beyond 7pm at night.

Have you started a thread asking for other advice? There are other ways that are gentler and easier for anybody. I don't think most controlled crying advocates recommend it for a 6 month old anyway.

That all sounded preachy and judgemental. It's my opinion.

Can I just reassure you that 4hr stretches are good and their sleep changes all the time according to developmental needs and stages.

It is far easier to look at what you're doing than forcing a baby to bend to your will ie you are tired so how can you sleep more. During the day for example. Co-sleeping. Asking for help with things and taking it easy. It gets easier with time. I'm firmly in the 'sleep is developmental' camp and forcing it, imo, is unnecessary in the majority of cases and quite cruel.

Whether the child is six years old or a baby, I suggest that you get your GP to check your child over. I did controlled crying with my son at 14 months old and his ear perforated on the third night. I felt so guilty. I also think its good idea to enlist professional support if possible.

I don't see any pros in doing CC with a six month old (and a lot of babies don't sleep through at that age). They don't understand. Different kettle of fish with a much older child.

You can explain to an older child that it is night time and they need to sleep. Did CC with DS when he was about 2 1/2. He screamed and shouted mostly out of anger and frustration that we weren't what we had done previously.

CC works for some babies and some parents, you just have to go with your gut feeling. Could try topping up with ff last feed before you go to bed.
ds 4 and still wakes at night for a cuddle,lost teddy,hot,cold, needing covers on,off, you name it.
Ds1 5.5 has slept through scince 6 months and I bb both untill 11 months. Very different births,ds1 cs and ds2 drug free and sooooooooooo painful.( waited for dh to arrive home from work and got to hospital too late for planned epidural!!)

One of the dis-advantages that I have not seen written here is that parents become 'switched off' from their child's crying when the do CC. I had a friend who did CC with her baby from a very young age and she once said 'I just don't notice the crying any more'. That was after her LO cried for 2hrs one night. I have to say it broke my heart.

Another disadvantage is that it is not a one fix wonder. My friends who have done it have had to do it at least 3 times over a year or so and have to go through the trauma each time. I did the gradual withdrawl/retreat and never had to repeat it all from the beginning just take a few steps back when needed with no upset and a speedy return to whole nights sleep.

The book 'teach your child to sleep' has lots of different techniques (as well as CC) and the book 'the no-cry sleep solution' has the disadvantages of CC

I see no pros whatsoever
at all

the cons are quite alot
too much cortisol
'breaking' their trust that they will alwasy be responded to
leaving them scared and wondering why the hell noone is coming

hideous awful thing that I have never and will never do

and just incase you think I'm sitting here able to say these things becasue I've alwasy had sleeping babies

dd1 didn't lseep through till she was two
dd2 didn't sleeo though till she was 3 and a half

and by sleeoing through I mean more than a four hour stretch

gecko just turned three, she wakes every two to three hours a night every night

I go to them
they alwasy feel that they are secure and that I will always come

this leads to them not needing to call me in the night eventually as they know that if they need me, I will be there

and obciously this is oh so more important since thier dad died

Pros for me were all about not having the willpower to do it myself and leaving it to dh. I had no idea about cortisol, breaking trust etc.

It only took two nights.

I had previously always gone to ds1, day or night if he so much as thought about crying.

When ds2 and ds3 were little, I often had to let them cry because I was in the middle of something (day or night). We didn't need to do cc with them. By not going to them straight away, I was giving them a chance to 'sort themselves out'. I would say they are much better adjusted than ds1.

Not sure which (if any) of those are pros, but given other advice on here, I wouldn't again do cc as 'lightly' as I did with ds1.

We did cc with our dd at 14 months(after 14 months of no one in the house sleeping) It took 2 nights. A whole happier family. I wouldn't have tried it with a younger baby though.
She's a well adjusted almost 3 yr old now, and when she wakes in the night (which isn't often) now I know there is something wrong.

I am a bit opposite-leaning - I think that babies are meant to sleep by their mothers and feed in the night, and that works - so why change it? I don't tend to think of the "cons" of controlled crying but of the benefits of co-sleeping, which include:

• Sleep-feeding - everyone gets more sleep, baby gets more milk, even if a sleepy baby, which stimulates supply (v. important in early days)
• Much less risky than trying to feed a baby sitting up when you are sleep deprived as you could drop them or squash them in sofa cushions etc.
• Mother more aware of baby during the night - I can adjust blankets etc (ie to control temperature) practically in my sleep and I remember once he somehow managed to get his blanket caught around his face/head, I ripped it off so quickly in a panic as soon as I realised, but his face wasn't even hot so it must have only been there a few seconds. I was completely asleep when I suddenly realised this. This has been studied (not my particular experience, obviously, but generally) and is thought to reduce the risk of cot death but there is not enough evidence to say whether it does or not.
• Night time cuddles and all the benefits which come with this. (I am sure there are some)
• It stops me being naughty and wanting to smoke It has also cut down my drinking because if I have a drink I have to concentrate more and make sure he is properly in his own cot section (I use a sidecar cot) and sit up to feed him etc.

Was going to say something else but I have completely forgotten what now. Gah, it is nearly 3 o clock