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Is there any point me trying to sort DS3 and his sleep before I move??

10 replies

ToccataAndFudge · 13/02/2010 01:22

I'll try and keep this short.

Back in September when RL really kicked off here at home it also co-incided with DS3 (now 2 3/4yrs) getting a horrendous cold and chest infection.

I ended up sleeping in his bed to get him back to sleep - which quickly progressed to him wanting me to lie with him until he went to sleep. He also started waking at least once in the night and wanted this repeating (lying with him). Before then I would pop him over the stair gate in his room and he'd take himself off to his bed and settle himself off to sleep..........sleeping all the way through the night.

When H came out of hospital a few weeks later we managed to move ourselves from his bed to the sofa bed in his room. Then whoever was getting up with the DS's in the morning would go and lie on it again to get him back to sleep when he woke in the night.

This quickly progressed to whoever was getting up in the morning simply going to bed in the sofa bed (was much less disturbing for our sleep to do that).

So this has been going on for months. DS3 started creeping out of his bed some nights and climbing in with whoever was sleeping in the sofa bed.

Attempts to get him to go to sleep on his own, either at bedtime in the middle of the night have been met with absolutely hysterical crying - and either H or I have been feeling up to sorting it.

Last few weeks its been me in there every night because of currently sleeping arrangements now we're separated but living together.

Wasn't going to try and sort his sleep out until I'd moved (hopefully only a few weeks away). BUT tonight he woke up at 11.45 - I thought he'd gone back to sleep at 11.55 so crept back downstairs.

Only to hear him get out of bed and stand at the gate doing his usual whine of "want to go downstairs".

I was a tiny bit short with him as I went back upstairs and told him to get back into bed, it's bedtime.....he did actually do that. So I went in and tucked him back in and told him he was a big boy and didn't need me to sleep with him.......and left him.

And he went back to sleep after just a couple of half hearted whinge/cries.

Now.......I wasn't expecting that to happen at ALL and am wondering if it's worth persuing the getting him to fall back to sleep on his own again before I move out.

tbh it's right pita especially at bedtime. I frequently fall asleep on the sofa bed (and have done the last 3 nights) and it's messing up my evenings, and my studying!

Problem is though that while I may manage to get him to go back to sleep on his own when I'm still up........I'm sleeping in there at night so if he wakes after I've gone to bed any "work" that has been done to get him to settle on his own again is then going to be undone straight away........because I'm there....

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Joolyjoolyjoo · 13/02/2010 01:31

Hmm, it is a difficult one. Are you now sleeping on the sofa bed every night? IME when they learn a certain pattern they tend to keep carrying on with it, unless you somehow change it. I've always done the "I am here for you, but it is sleep time, so it's bedtime" thing and that has worked ok, but I'm maybe not the best to advise you. I think if you and your DH have recently separated he could be picking up on that and need a bit more security, so it might be easier to just give in to his apparent needs at the moment and let him into the bed. Maybe you could even do with a cuddle!

In the long run, I guess there are star- charts, sticker charts etc for the nights he stays in his own bed, if he responds to that kind of thing.

thumbwitch · 13/02/2010 01:35

I so knew this was going to be you when I read the title!

Pursue, pursue - BUT don't expect it to work again necessarily. So don't be too hardline about it? just keep trying and with a bit of luck he will get the hang of it soon enough.

I am trying to get away from DS too but having spent the last 3 weeks with no option but to sleep in with him, it's not happened yet.

Can you sleep downstairs? Or is that not an option? With DS, if he has gone to sleep by himself, I can usually manage to get back in without waking him later and I try to stay clear of him so that he doesn't know I'm there.

ToccataAndFudge · 13/02/2010 01:45

yes I'm on the sofa bed every night until we (DS's and I) move out.

We only split up the week before Christmas (but are still living together - nightmare lol) - so there's been no change there - as I/we have been lying/sleeping with him since September.

He has just woken up again, tried leaving him adn he howled (and legged up onto the top bunk with DS2 ) - he's lying there quietly at the moment, told him that I just needed to finish up downstairs and then I'd go and sleep in my bed.

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ToccataAndFudge · 13/02/2010 01:48

lol thumb - x posts with you (started typing before he woke up again)

Thing is with persuing - what do I do when he wakes in the middle of the night and creeps in with me/goes back to sleep with me in the bed?

I can't sleep downstairs as I won't hear him when he wakes up. If I had a monitor I could as then I would hear him.

I can sleep more comfortably on the sofa that I can on that wretched sofa bed so that aspect wouldn't be a problem.

I can creep into the sofa bed without me knowing he's there.

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ToccataAndFudge · 13/02/2010 01:50

or when you say persue do you mean - try it, if it doesn't work do the "normal" thing and then try and sort it properly when I move >>

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ToccataAndFudge · 13/02/2010 01:51

urghhh - not going to work now - he's just got out of bed and called for me - told him I'm just coming (need to go to bed now anyhow).

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Joolyjoolyjoo · 13/02/2010 01:52

Aww- if he has his brother, maybe that's all the security he needs. I have 2 dd's in the same room and they comfort each other. I love to feel that they have that, as I was an only, and always felt lonely at night.

ToccataAndFudge · 13/02/2010 01:53

no - he disturbs his brother so no comfort for DS2 (and DS2 REALLY needs his sleep)

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thumbwitch · 13/02/2010 19:53

sorry, I had to disappear - yes, by pursue I meant see if it works again but if it doesn't work out then carry on the normal thing until you move. Although it looks like it was a transient thing anyway

Are you still trying to get hold of a monitor - or, let me guess, you sent yours off to someone else, didn't you?!

ToccataAndFudge · 13/02/2010 20:40

well it didn't work out again last night. He woke up again and I had to lie down. I did initially manage to get him stay in his bed......but at 4.30am when he woke, and with no other bed to retreat to he ended up in with me again.

No I didn't send mine to anyone - DS3 finally killed it off early last year (it was 8 1/2yrs old though so already on it's last legs).

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