Totally unable to sleep myself - very worried

[MoragG]

Not sure if this is the right place to post, but I really need some advice. My DD is just over 2 weeks old. During the last few weeks of pregnancy I had difficulty sleeping, and I was then in hospital being induced and after the birth for a week, during which time I could not seep well either. Now we are home I find that though I'm absolutely exhausted and like a zombie I just can't sleep for more than what seems like 20 minutes at a time. At night time I lying awake listening to DD and wondering if the noises she is waking are normal - basically even is she is asleep herself but is snuffling or whimpering I can't sleep. Trying to catch up during the day is not working either. I've even tried sleeping in a separate room for a night while my DH got up, but this didn't really work either! I am starting to get very anxious about this, which is no doubt not helping. I am starting to wonder if I need to see the GP and get him to give me something that will make me sleep, as I'm starting to think that I won't be able to cope any more if I don't catch up a bit. I also start to worry that this may be PND or turn into it.

Sorry for such a long post - any advice welcome.

The sleep deprivation of the early weeks is horrible, no question. I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety and being unable to sleep properly. Also, newborns are really noisy sleepers and with dd2 in the end I had to start wearing earplugs to get any sleep. It did help actually.

I was also crap at sleeping in the day, even if dh took dd2 away i found it impossible to let go and just sleep. But at least resting is better than nothing. Maybe try watching TV to take your mind off things. Got any good box-sets?

It will pass and it will get better. I think we are programmed to sleep really lightly once we have babies!
It's easy to say but do try and let go of the anxiety. It's a vicious circle, once you start worrying about how little sleep you are getting, it makes it even harder to sleep.

How are you feeing your dd? If bf-ing, feeding in bed lying down is good, and much easier for you both to get back to sleep. If bottle-feeding, get your dh to help.

I will say it again- the first few weeks are dreadful. This time with dd2 I felt terrible and depressed and spoke to the HV-her solution was for dh to take dd2 away for a day and night and bottle-feed her while I rested. Well we did that but it was such a mistake, I couldn't relax at all, in fact got totally stressed out so it was a bit counter-productive. So am not sure I would recommend that!

If you can't sleep, rest as much as you can, and eat well. I have no idea about drugs, perhaps someone will come along who can give you better advice.

Good luck x

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I had this with DS - it's truly awful. I was terrified something would happen to him if I fell asleep and didn't hear him. It was such a vicious cycle that I ended up begging my GP for a 2 nights worth of sleeping tablets so I could rest and get my brain back to sensible level. I wasn't breastfeeding by then, and DP slept in with DS for the two nights.

Really helped me, don't know if this might be an option for you .

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This was exactly how i was. I had a difficult pregnancy and insomnia towards end, was induced, unable to sleep after the birth even when DS was sleeping. Long history of depression and insomnia too, was on meds for years. My main problem aside from dealing with newborn was how will i cope if i just can't sleep, will i get ill again? How will i ever be able to sleep to the baby's schedule of napping in between every 2-3 hour feeds? People think the sleep deprivation is due to baby keeping you up but sometimes it is just everything - hormones, sleep anxiety, depression etc etc. In the end i surprised myself and did slowly adapt and managed to sleep. It helped that people kept telling me it doesn't matter if you don't sleep, just lie there awake and you will recharge a bit. Once i had accepted the zombie-like existence, i started to sleep. There is no shame in getting some meds from the doc either if nothing works. This is one of the most challenging things you will ever do so give yourself a break and get all the help you can.

P.S I wouldn't have slept without earplugs (you can hear the baby cry through them)!!

I've been going through this too! my thread about postnatal insomnia

I went to GP, took sleeping pills (which I hated taking but they did give me a break from the anxiety about sleep), and now hopefully coming out the other end and getting to sleep better. It is so frustrating because it really is about teaching your mind to relax and sleep again. I don't want to count my chickens yet but I'm hopeful I'm nearly better - only two bad nights this week so far. I use Paul Mckenna on my ipod at the moment which helps me get off in the first place. My DS is in his own room too now so I don't hear the snuffling. I've also used a homeopathic remedy specifically designed for getting the body clock back in a normal rythm.

Just thought it would be reassuring to know that you are not alone. It is quite a common reaction to having a baby it seems. The key is to work out whether it is something more than just insomnia and how to deal with it.

Thanks for all your replies - it's reassuring to know I am not alone. I saw my GP this morning - he was not terribly interested in suggesting much, but prescribed some sleeping tablets without me asking for them. So I'll give them a go, but don't want to become dependant on them. I do feel that if I could get at least a couple of decent night's sleep I would feel so much better!

Morag I took them (zopliclone) for two weeks under extreme duress for the fear of dependency - but I didn't get addicted. They say two weeks is acceptable, four weeks maximum. Just enjoy the couple of nights you get and hopefully your sleep will get better with some good night's sleep behind you. I'm still struggling, getting better, but I feel bad today because my DS2 was awake 3-5am having nightmares and DS3 (the baby) was awake from 5am! But that's motherhood for you. My issue is that I need to accept that I will feel like a zombie on some days and I need to think positive thoughts: I will sleep better soon. I was talking about this today at a toddler group and we all said that our sleep is much lighter and more easily broken since children came along. I think it just takes time to adjust and some people are better at it than others. But nothing lasts for ever.