"Babies will eat when they're hungry and sleep when they're tired" is a LIE

[ZabM]

My 9m DD has never been a good eater or sleeper but can someone tell me will she ever get better?

I finally got her onto a bottle at Christmas and she's started sleeping through the night from 7.30 til 5.30, which is great. We've done controlled crying from 6 months which took 3 weeks the first time but she usually is quite good now, we sometimes have to leave her to cry for a few nights if she gets out of the habit.

But in the day she's tired half the time. She has 2 half hour naps a day, has done since 3 months - didn't sleep in the day at all before 3 months. Really really. And I"m still rocking her to sleep, I got it down to just 3-4 minutes of singing/rocking but its creeping back up to 20 minutes which is killing my back and just cannot go on forever as she's getting bigger! So I've tried to leave her to cry today, she was really tired, I left her for 20 minutes and she just cried, then played, then cried. I gave in. I don't think she had a clue why I'd left her on her own in the cot. I've tried doing the less extreme forms too but she just thinks its fun that I'm there with her until she gets bored then she just cries and stops being even slightly sleepy.

I tried to rock her to sleep but she was too worked up. I brought her down for lunch. She refused finger foods cheese and broccoli and pureed sweet potato and corn I think because she is so tired. She ate some yoghurt and a bread stick. After 40 minutes I put her on the floor. She's now eating the cheese she dropped earlier and smearing the rest around the floor. Is she trying to wind me up?

How can I get her to go to sleep and stay asleep until she's not tired? And why won't she eat? Sorry for the rant, I'm climbing the walls here.

Pick the cheese up. She's 9 months old, and she's being the annoying, unpredictable baby that most babies are. It doesn't matter if she deosn't eat her lunch of carefully prepared healthy things - sometimes my lunch is crap because I don't fancy healthy food. She hasn't 'not eaten' - she had a yoghurt and a breadstick. Her stomach is the size of her fist. Go an look at her fist!

It doesn't matter if she doesn't want to nap. Take her for a walk in her pushchair and swing her on the swings for a bit.

if you're going to sleep train her, you must be consistent. giving in after 20 mins doesn't help the situation. you need to do the same thing each time you put her down, eventually she'll get the message. if you teach her to fall asleep by herself, she'll stay asleep for longer. the method you choose to train is up to you, give it at least a week of the same routine every nap and bedtime before trying something else. don't worry about food at 9 months, let her lea the way.

She's not trying to wind you up. I know it feels like that, but she's tiny - still such a baby. Milk is still a really big part of her diet, so relax about the food - think about her intake in terms of a week, not a day.

Can you go for a longish walk in the pushchair around the same time each day - roughly when you think she's tired? Think of it as a walk, but also take a book and a drink in case she does drop off, and you can stop and have a break. If she naps for half an hour and then stirs, try watching her after about 25 mins and rock/stroke/push pram at the first sign of stirring - this might push her into another sleep cycle. If you do this regularly it will help you feel better, and may help her get into a little habit of sleeping at around the same time each day.

Thanks everyone, I should go for a walk, that's how I got her to start napping at 3 months, but its snowing again and it hasn't really stopped since Christmas, its so hard to motivate myself! Can't wait for spring. I should also be consistent. You're right. Maybe I need to stay in for a week so I can do the same for naps every day. It may drive me crazy though!

I think the thing with controlled crying is it doesn't teach a baby to self settle or fall asleep, it just means they often cry until exhaustion and fall asleep because they're knackered.

Are you able to pick up on her sleep cues? Rubbing eyes, getting clumsy, yawning etc. As soon as you see the first signs, take her to her room and prepare for a nap.

Can you put a chair in her room? You can then sit and rock or jiggle her, which is a lot easier on the back. It doesn't matter if she needs a bit of help to get to sleep and it doesn't mean she'll never be able to self-settle.

Try and take a step back (hard I know when you'll feel like a coiled spring) and think about what it is you want and how you want to achieve it.

Everyone has days like you've described.

i think you are taking this too personally and you really need to relax - you child is not going to starve herself to death and if you are becoming so distressed at mealtimes the dd will soon work this out as a tool to get what she wants. How can eating cheese off a floor be about winding you up - my son always prefers food that has been rolled around in floor dander a bit - no harm will come to her.

If she wont sleep do something else - and she sleeps well at night. Controlled crying sounds like horrible torture for you both but if it works for you then great. i would also suggest and this is only my opinion that leaving a baby to cry for 20 mins is a long time - not sure if gina ford would agree to me but you sound as dsitressed as she does. Go or a walk in her pram - get out of the house.

Just relax a bit for goodness sakes.

there are other training methods other than cc that teach them to self settle...

Don't stay in the house for a week just to fiddle with naps. As soon as you sort it to your satisfaction her needs will change anyway, and you'll spend 6 months trying to make her do something she no longer needs to do. It's a waste of life. Stop worrying about food and sleep and get out of the house to enjoy your lives.

agree with coltits.
just if you are putting her for a nap in the house, follow the same routine!