Back at work, no sleep, not coping

[notsotinybaba]

Not sure where to post this.

I went back to work full time a month ago (no choice as main earner, DD is being looked after by DH and MIL). I knew it would be difficult but I can't even put into words how horrible it has been. Aswell as the guilt of leaving DD (13 months), DD is also very unsettled and she seems so unhappy. I am working very long hours (though making sure I spend at least 2 hours with DD every night). I'm getting hardly any sleep, and I'm exhausted.

I know it will take time to adjust but it has been getting worse. DD needs a lot of sleep, but every nap and every bedtime without fail she gets so upset and nothing seems to settle her. She sleeps for 10 minutes and then wakes up and cries for hours. She is usually such a happy little girl and its breaking my heart to see her so upset. She is so tired and grumpy, that the time I do have with her is not much fun.

I have to leave very early in the morning, before she wakes (though still bfeeding very early morning and bedtime), and I'm worried that she won't sleep because when she wakes up I'm not there. I'm wondering if separation anxiety is causing this?.

I am up at 6am, go to work (new job, lots of pressure, no breaks all day), home at 5.30pm to look after DD, then start work again at home until late, sometimes past midnight, then woke several times in the night by DD. It was hard to cope with no sleep when she was a newborn, but trying to function at work is much worse.

I'm not sure whether anyone will have any advice, but wanted to offload this as I feel terrible. DD was premature and I think I still have a lot of guilt about working long hours when pregnant, so I now feel that every time DD is upset its my fault (which this time is probably is as I've gone back to work).

Oh my word, poor you. That sounds terrible. I had a full out sobbing crying break down this morning and I am working much much less than you, and my DS often sleeps through (not this week however). He is 13.5 months.

You can't continue how you are, as I'm sure you know. If you are working 6 am - midnight essentially, your DH will definitely have to take over night wakings. It's just not humanly possible to keep up the pace you have now. As I said above, I had a full out breakdown today over much less! I know you probably feel like you are spending time with her when she wakes at night, but you have to sleep.

Somehow you either have to get rid of the evening work and go to bed early (like 20:45 like I am about to!) in order to cope with the nightwakings. Or else get DH to take over.

I think the key is to get the daytime sleep sorted. Your DH and MIL will have to find a way to get more sleep into her during the day. Will she sleep in the buggy or car if they just keep walking? Or can they find their own tricks to get her off to sleep? Rocking, anything?? If she is waking up after 10 minutes, it may be that she was already too tired when they put her down. Is that possible? What kind of nap times are you working with now?

She may just be tired because she is off routine and not getting enough rest, but it is looking like she is upset and missing you, so you are more anxious when you see her, so she picks up on your anxiety, etc. Overtiredness looks a lot like clinginess and separation anxiety in this house.

You are not leaving her with a total stranger (like I am...childminder ), she is with your DH and MIL and it sounds like you are doing absolutely everything to respond to her and care for her in the few waking hours you have left. She will be grand, your DH and MIL just have to figure out how to get some more sleep in her!

Easier said than done, I know. You are dealing with an unbelievable amount, and I am in awe that you have lasted this long! I would have been a blubbing mess by day 3!

hi, I'm back at work as well, my son is 13 months old, doesn't sleep either and I start work at 7:30am.

He slept very badly at the daytime naps to start with, 10 minutes here and there. Obviously at the childminders they can't hold him whilst he sleeps, but after 2 months they are making some progress and he will sleep in a pushchair in a quiet corner. Still not as good as when I'm around but it's an improvement, unfortunately there is no quick solution with this, just time.

Is you DH and MIL taking her to playgroups? My son sleeps much better after a busy morning, plus if he is bored he whinges so this keeps him happy.

At night we have given up, he now sleeps with us once he wakes up. I couldn't cope anymore with the lack of sleep once I went back to work. At first he headbutted me etc in the middle of the night, but at least I could lie down whilst being assaulted. Now he sleeps well in the bed and we're all finally getting a bit of sleep with just one wake up. However I'm in bed early every night to cope with the early starts, you can't possibly work until midnight, is there anyway you can drop some work?

Also, I've had to put my son to bed earlier because of the lack of daytime sleep, but that will break your heart to get less time with her (I manage to get home at 4:30pm so it's not as bad as you), so I agree with Mom, you need to get him more daytime sleep. How did she used to sleep and what are your hubbie and MIL doing with her now?

Good luck, you sound like you're having such a rough time.