Back at work, no sleep, not coping

[notsotinybaba]

Not sure where to post this.

I went back to work full time a month ago (no choice for me as main earner, DD is being looked after by DD and MIL). I knew it would be difficult but I can't even put into words how horrible it has been. Aswell as the guilt of leaving DD (13 months), DD is also very unsettled and she seems so unhappy. I am working very long hours (though making sure I spend at least 2 hours with DD every night). I'm getting hardly any sleep, and I'm exhausted.

I know it will take time to adjust but it has been getting worse. DD needs a lot of sleep, but every nap and every nighttime without fail she gets so upset and nothing seems to settle her. She sleeps for 10 minutes and then wakes up and cries for hours. She is usually such a happy little girl and its breaking my heart to see her so upset. She is so tired and grumpy, that the time I do have with her is not much fun.

I have to leave very early in the morning, before she wakes (though still bfeeding very early morning and bedtime), and I'm worried that she won't sleep because when she wakes up I'm not there. I'm wondering if separation anxiety is causing this?.

I am up at 6am, go to work (new job, lots of pressure, no breaks all day), home at 5.30pm to look after DD, then start work again at home until late, sometimes past midnight, then woke several times in the night by DD. It was hard to cope with no sleep when she was a newborn, but trying to function at work is much worse.

I'm not sure whether anyone will have any advice, but wanted to offload this as I feel terrible. DD was premature and I think I still have a lot of guilt about working long hours when pregnant, so I now feel that every time DD is upset its my fault (which this time is probably is as I've gone back to work).

Poor you. Sleep deprivation is hell!! It's hard to cope when you are exhausted and really hard to think straight. Being a Mum is full of guilt no matter what the circumstances so cut yourself some slack and look at the good stuff - she has a great Mum who loves her and is out working to make the best life she can for her.

Could you stagger your starts and finishes so that some mornings you are there a bit later but miss out on the evenings - sometimes a long day in the office (as long as it takes) and bringing nothing home can be better all round. You might get a few "happy hours" in the morning.

Remember whatever the circumstances, a new job is stressful, don't kill yourself getting up to sprint speed in the first month, the first 6 months are to learn the job, the next 6 to do it well and from then you can start to fly!

As for her sleep - I've had two poor sleepers, and one good one in the middle. I've read every book and tried every "method" and the best thing I did was pay £100 to a sleep consultant to help. Evening home visit followed by 4 follow up calls at my convenience. Puts the "blame" at someone else's door and encourages you to keep trying as it was not your idea, also it's a bit of a "last chance saloon" given that you hand over hard cash to "fix" the problem. These days, most sleep consultants buy into "gentle sleep solutions" so you won't be "forced" to leave her to cry it out.

Good Luck!

notsotinybaba - I feel your pain!

I went back to work 3 days a week when ds was 8months then full time at 12months and it was horrible. He also would wake several times a night screaming and went through a phase of not going to sleep at 7 as normal but standing up in his cot screaming.

I too thought it was my fault as I had gone back to work. Ds goes to nursery and dp does all the drop offs and pick ups as I work far away.

However, I want to offer you reassurance. It is NOT you. If your dd is 13 months it is more likely a combination of teething (molers are horrible and take ages to show and hurt like hell), a little bit of seperation anxiety and development changes (is she walking?).

Have you tried giving medicine to see if its pain - calpol, nurofen, medised? A little bit before bed might settle her.

Then extra cuddles until it all blows over. And it will, trust me! I have been there. Without wanting to scare you, it did take several months before ds was back to normal and we started getting some more sleep (once the molers and fron k9s were through).

Work is horrible when your sleep deprived, but just remember what is important: your DD and you!

My ds is now 19 months and a very happy little boy who knows when mummy is at work, and knows that she will always return with a big smile and a cuddle before bed

Hope it all gets better soon

Hi. Somehow it looks like there are two threads the same. I commented on the other one. [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/909596-Back-at-work-no-sleep-not-coping Here it is], for what it's worth

Duh....sorry:

[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/909596-Back-at-work-no-sleep-not-coping Here it is]

ARGH!!! Sorry. I am useless today. Not sure why I'm giving advice about sleep because I clearly need more of it myself.

HERE IT IS

If this doesn't work, I give up.

I'm just going to cut and paste :-)

hi, I'm back at work as well, my son is 13 months old, doesn't sleep either and I start work at 7:30am.

He slept very badly at the daytime naps to start with, 10 minutes here and there. Obviously at the childminders they can't hold him whilst he sleeps, but after 2 months they are making some progress and he will sleep in a pushchair in a quiet corner. Still not as good as when I'm around but it's an improvement, unfortunately there is no quick solution with this, just time.

Is you DH and MIL taking her to playgroups? My son sleeps much better after a busy morning, plus if he is bored he whinges so this keeps him happy.

At night we have given up, he now sleeps with us once he wakes up. I couldn't cope anymore with the lack of sleep once I went back to work. At first he headbutted me etc in the middle of the night, but at least I could lie down whilst being assaulted. Now he sleeps well in the bed and we're all finally getting a bit of sleep with just one wake up. However I'm in bed early every night to cope with the early starts, you can't possibly work until midnight, is there anyway you can drop some work?

Also, I've had to put my son to bed earlier because of the lack of daytime sleep, but that will break your heart to get less time with her (I manage to get home at 4:30pm so it's not as bad as you), so I agree with Mom, you need to get him more daytime sleep. How did she used to sleep and what are your hubbie and MIL doing with her now?

Good luck, you sound like you're having such a rough time.

Thanks everyone for your messages, and sorry about the double post, no idea how that happened

Had another busy day today and no amount of makeup is covering the dark circles!!! On the up side though, I can now work one day a week from home, which means a bit of a lie in at least!.

And thanks for the reassurance that its not my fault. It could be development (she has been walking for the last month but has REALLY got going in the last week and wants to walk all the time).

No idea if its teething as she still has no teeth whatsoever!.

DH takes her to playgroup twice a week but MIL doesn't (they are not really her thing and I haven't forced the issue as she's really helping me out by looking after DD). I did used to take her somewhere pretty much every day so thats a change in her routine too.

Thanks again, just writing this reply is making me feel better. Now if only DD would go to sleep.........