Dummy Dilema

[fhutts]

Can anyone shed any light on why my dd aged 4 weeks has become very sucky over the last 3 days/nights? I posted recently that when she was 11 days old she was awake from 1am until 3am and we seemed to have come through that phase by moving her into her own room & encouraging a little more awake time during the day.

For 4 blissful nights she settled straight away & only woke once during the night, however of late she seems to require a dummy & musical mobile to get herself off to sleep. After taking a feed she tries to suck anything she can get her mouth on bless her, thinking she is still hungry I offer her the bottle again which she refuses so she appears not to be hungry. I have read that some babies are "sucky" babies, and so I have offered her a dummy which she takes. I also begun to play a musical mobile when putting her down as this soothes her until either it stops or her dummy falls out.

I realise i have fallen into one of the "making a rod for your own back" traps by giving her the dummy and of course she cries when the dummy falls out but what else can I do? I can't let her cry as she is only 4 weeks and I don't want deprive her of sucking, isn't this one of their strongest natrual reflexs?

Any ideas and can someone recommend any music I can download so it plays longer than 10 mins to at least give her a chance to sleep before the music stops!

Do you swaddle her too? At night time in the early days I used to soothe mine to sleep on me swaddled and then lay down after being asleep about 10 minutes, as then I knew they were in a deep sleep. The dummy is very soothing for them too. Maybe wait until sleepier before lying down?

I fed both my babies after bath time in a darkened room in the quiet and then lay down as described above.

Maybe if you jig her daytime routine a bit it'll fix settling at bedtime without the need for more music? As she'll be more tired.

Keep them awake for no more than 2 hours at this stage and watch for sleep signs i.e. decreased activity, slower motions, less vocal, quieter, calmer, eye lids drooping, yawning, eyes less focused, appears disinetrested in surroundings etc. AND then start the soothing to sleep.

Two hours of wakefulness is about the maximum a baby can endure without becoming overtired. Sometimes babies may need to go to sleep after only being awake for an hour, this usually occurs first thing in the morning. Try to soothe them to sleep before they become overtired. It's OK to soothe to sleep at this age, they're so little, you won't teach them bad habits, BF/ or bottle feed to sleep in a darkened room in the quiet, rocking, swaddling etc. And then gently laying down in the cot should be fine. Putting an item in the cot that smells of you can help too.

You could co-sleep if it helps you all sleep better for now and then when you want to break them of the habit when older, you could then place a cot with the side down beside your bed and then overtime move them into that and then each night move them further and further away from your bed in the cot and eventually into their own room if you no longer wish to co sleep at night.

All these ideas come from a book I use and trust, this one I find his advice spot on.

Your baby is more likely to protest sleep if overtired, they can fight sleep for the pleasure of your Company as well, keep a log or diary and you may see a trend or if an improvement occurs. This can help in the sleep deprived fog of a new baby.

I never really co-slept but used a Moses basket in the early days and then a cot. As long as I soothed to sleep in the early days and then lay them down it was all ok. Once they started to wake up at about 4 months I then had to use the Baby Whisperer pick up put down method from her book to sleep train them once they started to resist naps. This is a gentler form of sleep training. Which worked for both my LOs.

Sometimes if they have wind it can cause problems with settling to sleep. So try to use infacol or gripe water and wind them well at every feed as well.

Things will get easier x

Yes, she is swaddled, and has a little cloth tthing behind her in the mb which I slept with before she was born(they look so helpless in a swaddle ), maybe I am trying to put her down too early before she is in a deep sleep. I feed after her bath in a dimly lit room and try to keep things calm
but when I burp her and then put her in the swaddle,this wakes her up. I have tried to feed and burp with her swaddled but I find it really awkward holding her to feed and burp.

I do indeed use Infacol as she suffered from badly trapped wind in hospital for the first 3 days (the nurses said it was colic) but she does seem to hold onto wind, we find it quite hard to get it out. From methods I have read on the web/books we appear to be burping her correctly but like I say she doesn't let it go and like you say, she could have wind hence not settling, but how long do I burp for if nothing comes up?

We have bought some Dr Brown bottles and although she seems to take in less wind, she falls asleep on them before taking a full or even sometimes half a feed - I think the teat is too slow - have tried to improve flow with needle but didn't work and the next level is not suitable for under 3 mths!

Currently using slow flow Avent during day and last feed to ensure she takes full feeds without falling asleep, but they do appear to be more "windy" than the Dr Browns. During the night we revert back to Dr Browns sso not so much burping is required and she falls asleep on them.

I was so unprepared for the babies sleep patterns and unsettleness. No-one tells you that they don't just drift off to sleep after a feed.

I am getting so anxious when she is due a sleep as I constantly thinking will she settle or won't she, how long will it be before she wakes again etc. Maybe I am just scared because I don't know what else to do for her.

It is horrible when your baby is distressed, it breaks your heart as a mum. Maybe you could co-sleep for now, as that may settle her and then sneak out of bed once she is asleep at night. Put a bed barrier up so you know she is safe.

I just keep winding until I hear that burp to be honest. I used to stroke mine up their left side as that used to force the wind up by pushing the tummy a little I think I learnt that from the Baby Whisperer book, that is a lovely book if you haven't read it.

I preferred gripe water with my colicky boy than infacol, that made him scream harder. Your feelings are completely normal, with my first child I ended up taking rescue remedy far too often due to my anxiousness.

It's such early days still - they can be sleepy feeders, my first child was. I had to take all her clothes off to keep her awake for feeds in the day But they do wake up in the end as the weeks roll by, and feeding gets easier, as does the baby learning to burp that wind up!

It took with my second baby who was very windy up to 10 weeks to settle easier. Even at feeds at night he'd squirm with wind after and be uncomfortable for ages. My usual blurb I give out is basically to try not to worry. It's such early days; you cannot spoil a baby at this age. Do whatever it takes to survive

Soothe to sleep on you and roll with it my lovely. They'll settle down again soon enough.

My second child cried for 2 to 3 hours a night until aged 10 weeks and I spoke to my health visitor about it, she agreed it was probably colic and her tips to try were:

Warm bath covering tummy.
Lying him on his tummy with a warm (not hot) hot water bottle under him to soothe tummy.
Cycling his legs whilst he's on his back. Holding feet palm to palm and rocking legs sideways, whilst lying on floor or lap.
Or scooping with right hand down his right side whilst holding feet palm to palm.
Or rocking him face down well supported on legs.

She also said don't eat anything that gives you wind such as brocolli, cabbage, caffeine, cauliflower, garlic or other stimulants if BF. She said if none of the above did work I could try buying Colief drops from a chemist and mixing in with feed by expressing it first, as she said sometimes colic is caused by a lactose intolerance.

I found that out of all of those the cycling the legs was particularly good. I also found that as he had trouble burping, the infacol made him cry harder as it coalesced the bubbles into one big one that still went downwards but hurt more. But giving him gripe water after every feed straight away really soothed his tummy. I had to do it every feed though without fail.

The warm bath in quiet room was also a real help. Every night at the time he started to get agitated I would put in the bath, in a bath cradle and keep putting warm water on his tummy and every now and then top the bath up with warm water, so it wouldn't get too cold for him. Once or twice he was in the bath for 2 hours in the early days as it was really calming for him. Once he started doing big yawns and it was bedtime, I'd take him out into a dark bedroom and change him and BF him quietly and then often he'd go to sleep straight away. He'd wake for feeds at 10.30pm, 2am and 5 am often at this stage.

Remember things will get better soon lovely, sending you a hug x

Thank you for the reply,I take great comfort in your advise - you helped me last time I was struggling (sure it won't be the last). I will now use Gripe Water - I had to hold off for a little while because the bottle said not for under a month but yesterday she was officially a month!

Another unsettled night to start with last night using Infacol - in fact I was just about to post again last night but as I started, dd started to grizzle . Anyway, after going up to settle her on and off for over 2 hours from 7-9pm, we gave her some gripe water and i bought her downstairs and let her go off on me. I left her on me asleep for half an hour then put her into her mb and she slept for another 2 hours .I didn't hear any wind come up but it did seem to calm her squirms and knee drawing.
When she woke at 11.30pm dh said she settled down fine, I did her at 3.15am & 6.30am and again she settled fine (a few murmours) and we used the gripe water.

How long can you use it for, will it have any long term effects or is it like Infacol and not absorbed? Also, when do babies start to be able to bring wind up themselves (I don't want to be still subjecting her to back thumping (!) for ever .

Gosh, I really know nothing about babies do I?

Thank you again so much.

The Baby Book by Rachel Waddilove is a nice book that has a lot of useful advice in. Her routines are based on 4 hourly feeding that doesn't work with a BF baby (unless you're very lucky), but her nap times and bedtimes and other advice was and is brilliant. She was a maternity nurse for 30 odd years so she knows what she's talking about.

The Baby Whisperer book by Tracey Hogg, I take with a pinch of salt tbh. I like her sleep training method, but some of her stuff just didn't sit right with me personally. Do some reading up, it'll increase your confidence. But if your baby doesn't do exactly what the book says, try not to worry.

Every baby is different, generally by 6 weeks things are getting vaguely easier and by 12 weeks things are usually going great by then... Don't set a time limit on it. Try to enjoy your baby as it goes so so fast. Cannot believe mine are now 2 and a half years and 13 months.

As far as I am aware, Gripe water is perfectly fine to use every feed until they get a little bigger.

fhutts, what do you use to swaddle her with? We used to swaddle DS with a sheet, which was difficult to hold & burp him in, as he'd come 'unwrapped'. Now we've got a Mothercare miracle blanket, which is fantastic - holds them in really tightly and it's not too difficult to then hold them for burping / feeding.

I have to burp for ages before DS will bring up his wind. I vary it by holding him over my shoulder & patting for a bit, then sitting up straight on my lap, then back to my shoulder. It makes it a bit less tedious!

Hope tonight is a bit better for you.

We found rubbing DS's lower back - much lower than you might think - was the best way to get a good burp. Anyway it adds to the variety of techniques you can use!
I'd second the miracle blanket too, you can feed and burp them in that, and you can order online and mothercare will deliver. Online shopping is THE way to go with a teeny one.
Good luck, my son had colic for the first few weeks and it was soooo incredibly tough. I grimace even remembering it, and at the time I didn't think it would ever end as he too is my first and I didn't know much about babies either. Life was so much easier when one day it just vanished! He's now six months and I wonder where the time went.
Anyway chin up and I hope the colic passes very very soon. Hugs

Thanks for all your advice, it is very reassuring to know that it appears that I am not doing anything "wrong". I burp dd in the ways mentioned and I do have the Miracle blanket, but I am still very cack handed with her in this .

Last night was quite bad, she was awake from pretty much lunch time until 8.30pm, we just could not coax her to sleep. She finally settled asleep over dh shoulder, at 8.30 and we kept her there asleep until 11.30 when we finally had to go to bed, and she woke at midnight for a feed. Mercifully she went straight back down in the mb until 4am. I can only assume it is colic as she was very grizzly early evening (thankfully not screaming, although lets see what tonight holds). I think she was overtired of course by that point also - why do they fight it so much?

I hate myself for wishing time away but I am just clinging on until this magical 8-12 week improvement that I keep hearing about .

There's always something to feel guilty about as a mum, it's perfectly natural to look forward to your baby settling and not crying in pain every night. I felt the same with my second child. It is heart breaking when they cry in pain so much as a mum. However when I look at my cheeky chops now at 13 months, I still feel guilty for my early thoughts, when he was screaming every night. But it is a very difficult time when a baby does this, the crying can seem to reach a peak at week 6 then start to improve slowly over the weeks until 3 months old. Have a chat with your health visitor if need be, they can be quite helpful on ideas and offering support through homestart if needed etc.

If things don't get better in the next month, maybe speak to the GP in case it is a lactose intolerance or something instead.

That's my opinion for what its worth

Your opinion is very much appreciated so thank you!
Unfortunately I type whilst blinking away tears, I feel so useless when she wants to sleep - there is just no two days or nights the same.
She was awake from 6pm until midnight last night (although did sleep thru until 6am) but needed comforting during the evening as she was both in pain (I think) and so so very tired. Eventually settled asleep on me after much cuddling, sushing and white noise turned up very loud.
She had a little sleep this morning until 10am when I fed her, then when she started yawning and getting droopy eyes, I put her in her mb with her mobile on as she wasn't quite asleep (this is at half eleven) and as soon as the mobile stopped despite being asleep (I peeked thru the door) she woke up crying and didn't settle back to sleep until I fed her again at 12.30 and feel asleep on the bottle about 12.50. Currently she is asleep in her bouncy chair. Surely a 5 week old shouldn't be awake for this long? Why does she fight sleep so much. Is she being a monkey at this age, wanting picking up to go back to sleep on someone.
Should I let her cry for a while? I just don't know what I am doing .
I speak too soon, she is stirring now.

Oh honey how about after she's been awake for an hour and a half you feed her lying down in the bed on you and she goes to sleep and you too at each nap time? So lie on your side to feed her? Just do a bit of co sleeping with her at nap times? Forget about household chores! Get your mum to come by once a week to watch the baby whilst you do a few and your hubby can help out when he gets home. Forget dusting right now. Just do the basics until your baby settles.

Or wear her in a sling all the time and she can sleep in that?

It really does get better. It is exhausting in the early days, I have shed many many tears with both my babies in the early days. But truly it does get better. All you can do at this stage is soothe to sleep. I personally do not advocate sleep training until about 4-5 months.

Once they are overtired it is virtually impossible for them to settle to sleep easily. They just scream and scream.

Another musmnetter called Jeffily did this with hers:

Hi there. Don't know if you will still be checking this, but thought I would just add that I wore DD until she was 4 months for naps, then gradually started trying to get her to sleep in the buggy as her naps settled down into more of a routine, then when we had established that (which I think was about 5 months) started trying to get her sleep in her cot for one nap a day, in sling for others, gradually upped it to all naps in cot by 61/2 months. We did have to have some crying to get it established, but she will throw herself into her cot now when she is tired, and refuses to nap anywhere else (which is it's own problem...) I still carry her everywhere now though, and she is 11 months now! It does get easier...

I did read about a sling and if this goes on much longer I might invest in one. My only worry is what do you do at night when I go to bed? Unfortunately she is not bf, but you are right I am just going to have to soothe her to sleep and deal with training later.
What makes things worse is that I live abroad with no family at all here apart from dh who I have to say is brilliant. I do have friends of course, but they all have young children themselves!
Housework indeed has gone for a ball of chalk, although I have started moving DS from room to room for her to watch me do things, in the hope this a)keeps her amused and or b) bores her to sleep!
I guess she will sleep when she wants and wake when she wants for the time being.

If she is bottle fed, try changing bottles to anti colic ones like Dr Brown. Also try changing the formula to one such as Easy Digest? Feed her to sleep in a dark room, swaddled in a miracle blanket and try laying down gently. The swaddling will make her feel she is still being held by you. Or buy a sling. You can ask for recommendations on mumsnet.

Are you still using the gripe water as well?

My earlier advice about watching for sleep signs and starting to soothe to sleep, is still well worth following. Babies need naps every 2 hours maximum at this age. Even if it is by taking for a walk in the buggy, or being in a sling, or being swaddled and rocked to sleep by you for now. It's such early days but they can get themselves so worked up if overtired at this age. I've only learnt this the hard way with my two and being a complete book worm...

Have a read of this thread if you haven't seen it already: here

You must feel very isolated if you're living abroad. See if your hubby can babysit one night and you can go out with a friend or go for a swim and jacuzzi or something. Or even just put some ear plugs in and get an early night. Try and treat yourself, it'll help to keep you sane.