18 month old refuses to sleep

[LivsHannah]

Our 18 month old daughter has gradually got worse and worse with her sleeping. There used to be a day (and a night) when she would happily go to sleep by herself and stay asleep. She then started teething, often needing calpol to calm her down before sleep and waking up every 4 hours when it wore off. Great! So we would get up calm her down and she would drift off to sleep again some 45mins later.

I then fell pregnant and couldn't handle the broken nights. Rightly or wrongly I settled for the quick fix - bring her into bed with us. That has worked a treat and even if she wakes up she will still go back to sleep seconds later.

Bedtimes have become a different story. It started to take up to 30 mins of sitting in the room with her to get her to sleep... sometimes more. Walking out stopped working at around a year(she would throw herself against the bars, would scratch her face etc), I basically couldn't handle it and it didn't seem to make anything any better.

Anyway at the start of this week I decided to take the bull by the horns and MAKE her go to sleep by herself. So I did controlled crying. Two hours later she was still crying. My DH came in, lay her down and she went straight to sleep. Her nap time (which only is 45mins) was pretty much the same the next day. Her screaming and screaming. When it came to the bedtime routine that evening she started crying as soon as she got in the bath. Calling "Mummy" and saying "no". She was totally freaking out and seemed to be afraid of her cot. I felt like I had totally betrayed her trust... and so caved in. In fact she then wouldn't sleep without holding onto my hand.

Now she is taking 90 - 120 mins to go to sleep even if I'm in the room. Tonight she had a full blown screaming fit (60 mins into me sitting in the room with her) cos I told her to lie down.

During the day she won't play by herself but hangs round me or whoever is around. She obviously hates to be alone... but I'd quite like to have some space.

What do I do? Do I ride it? Or is there no way but through? My DH and I have started thinking about doing the Gina Ford routine again (we did it with her when she was a baby) but it seems such hard work and I'm so scared of screwing her up.

Sigh

I really could do with some advice! Please help

Hello there, no-one has got back to you on this one yet, but you must be desperate. I'm afraid I haven't experienced the same as you, but the only thing I can possibly think of is that the Baby Whisperer book has some brilliant pointers about sleep especially when they fall out of a routine. My little one lurches from one miserable sickness to the next at the moment so all night through seems a distant memory. I know its going to take a couple of weeks of damn hard work and routine to the letter to get him back to sleeping well (fingers crossed). My only other thought is that she sounds scared or nervous. Has something happened you don't know about?? Has she perhaps seen something scary on TV? Even these damn trailers are scary now! I can remember as a very small child seeing a flash of a vampire film my babysitter was watching and it took months for me to get over it. I think you just need to hold her hand again and again, leave the light on, be there and she'll get over it however long it takes, but the time you need to give her now will pay massive dividends in the future to have a secure little girl. Good luck to you.

Only me again, I re-read your post and feel so much for you. I just wanted to say that please don't let her cry at night alone, I can't think of anything worse - I wouldn't let my mother/husband/friend cry at night without a hug or hold them until they were ok, so its definitely not ok for a small child. She's just trying to tell you something. Never ever think that you are 'caving' into a child, especially when she is screaming and freaking out as you say. It's only the books that tell us we're caving in, our motherly instinct lets them snuggle with us in bed until they move on. Warm wishes.

I'm really really sorry to say this, but it sounds like you've broken her trust. (sorry again)
i'm not one for co-sleeping normally, but it sounds like she needs a lot of reassurance. How pg are you?

Also, it may sound a bit early, but if she's scared of her cot, perhaps you could ditch it completely, let her sleep in with you for a little while, and then make a HUGE deal about her getting her own bed?

I'm sorry if I sound harsh..... it does sound like she's just desperate for your attention.

Gradual retreating sounds like an option. (can't remember the proper name) first night next to her cot, holding hand if needed. next night, further away. gradually retreating further away from her, using your voice to reassure. Don't give in. Just do it slowly.

Neurofen works like a dream with teething as it's also an anti-inflammatory, so relieves the pain and has a longer lasting effect by reducing the swelling on the gums.

also... I don't know if you do this, but I had a tendency to look at DS like he was a problem that needed to be 'fixed'.
Look at her, remember that she is a little person, pretend she is older and maybe change the way you see her behaviour
(god, I sound patronising)

Sorry... it's late and I can't think of a better way of explaining myself.. I'll be back in a less insulting manner tomorrow x

hope you get a good night's sleep

Thanks so much for your responses. Its what I needed to hear, its easy to feel all confused and alone when it gets like this (tiredness doesn't help.)Everything you both said really does make perfect sense and was so normal and unbookish.

I lead a very busy life often cooking for 20 people. While my work means I'm with my dd it does mean I'm not giving her the one to one attention that she needs. We have a very large extended family and often it is other people playing with her rather than me (cos I'm running around looking after them). This oska, is probably what is causing her to feel unsettled and insecure. Our family, in her eyes has become too big

When I stop to think about it the only real time when I'm totally focused on her is at meal times and at bed time. The thought makes me cry. Things are going to have to change. I wish it hadn't got this far before I realised.

Anyway on the plus side, I read your replies this morning (after a hideous night) and decided to dedicate the day totally to her. She rested in her cot for 45mins but didn't seem to go to sleep (maybe some of the reason she is taking so long to go to sleep is cos she doesn't need a nap?) Whatever it is it has worked. Its 7.30pm and she is asleep!!! Even more impressive is that it took only 10 mins.

Thanks again for your help and for most importantly being honest.

P.S PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow - I'm 26 weeks PG