Advice on best method to get a 14month to self settle

[LadyN]

Until a month or so ago my DD would fall asleep on her last bottle of the day so I would just pop her into her cot,
Over the last month she has got used to me cuddling her to sleep before putting her to bed - a habit I should never of enforced but lovely nonetheless ( at the time !)
Over the last week I have tried to place her in her cot whilst she is still awake but instantly she stands up and starts to howl. I have been picking her up, holding her again until she has calmed down and then putting her back but she instantly stands and howls again. She seems to know that as soon as she stands up she will get picked up again. She also seems to know that as soon as she stops crying I will put her down so has adopted a moany sort of cry to elongate the holding part of the process.
Most advice I have garnered is to stay with the child and pat the back etc to soothe - but my DD never lies down long enough to establish this.
Do I dig my heels in and continue with the pick up put down method or leave the room if she stands. I just can't work out what woudl be best !! Heeeelp !

It depends on what you are comfortable with, the more strident controlled crying, or the the less so, gradual retreat.

It may also be worth shifting the bedtime forward by 15mins as she may be overtired?
Is she teething?

We did CC. So night time would be a big cuddle, kiss etc in his room. Put night light thing on. Lay him down. Then let him cry for 5 mins, go in, lay him back down- do not pick your baby up. Repeat after 10mins, then 15mins and then every 20mins for as long as it takes. It took us 3 horrendous nights and then a truly awful 4th and then peace perfect peace. You have to be ready to do it though, it is not nice!

I hope things get better.

Thanks thatsnotmymonkey!
I think I will take your advice and try the CC method. So when I go in and lie her back down do I leave immediately even if the crying has not stopped ( or probably increased !) ?
Another concern I have is that when I have left her to cry previously, she has gotten so hysterical and cross that she bangs her head against the cot. Do I ignore this too ?

HIya,

I have to say I am by no means an expert, but I can tell you what we did and it did work.

In cot, lay down, if he stood up and started to cry, I would lay back down, pat/rub his tummy and say again "It is time for bed, I love you. Night night" I would spend no more than minute on this and leave the room. Then the count would start. 5 minutes, then when I go back in same again, lay down, say "Its time to go to bed, Night night" and leave. It is short and sharp the following times. No tummy rubs or pats.
If she is having a benny and throwing herself around the cot, maybe leave her for shorter intervals, 2 minutes, then 5, then 10, then 15 and maybe never more than 15 to check on her.
I think it is a judgement call about the head banging! Would a cot bumper help? www.vertbaudet.co.uk/baby-nursery-maternity-clothes/ZOO-Organic-cotton-Cot-Bumper.aspx?ProductId=V70 2303069&DocumentId=V701&CompanyId=V&Path=2816/3063&source=
What I noticed when we did this was to distinguished between an angry cry and a need something cry.
I also used the Millpond Sleep Clinic book. I found reading it reassuring! www.mill-pond.co.uk/

Good luck, let me know how you get on x

Hi LadyN. This link might be helpful.

It describes two ways of getting an older baby/toddler to settle without cuddling/feeding, etc. If the idea of leaving the 5, 10, 15 minute intervals seems like it might entail too much crying, these methods will take longer but may be more gradual/gentle for a baby used to lots of cuddling to sleep.

I have a 14 month old too - we are in major teething mode with molars and canines coming tthrough. Just a thought that if her settling to sleep seems worse than usual, it could be that? We had trouble weeks before the teeth were evident - the molars have mostly now cut through (6 weeks later!) and we have seen huge improvements in his sleep.

Good luck!

Thanks so mcuh for the advice. DD is def teething - 2 molars already cut so I am expecting more on the way soon. However I don't think this is the main issue - I believe its her absolute disbelief that she could possibly be put in her cot before she is fast asleep ! I already have a bumper in the cot but she stands to bang her head and flails and bangs when she has occassionaly lost it a bit !
Mmmm - now undecided again on best method for her ...though I am not against the tough approach of CC, I am obviously against allowing DD to get so upset she hurts herself. (thinks) ...am now favouring the WI/WO approach as its a bit more flexible - if possibly longer in its success.
Will let you know how it goes ....( once I've psyched myself up to DO IT !)

Good luck! Start with whatever time of day or night is easiest. I.e. naps if she is a decent napper or bedtime if she tends to be knackered at the end of the day and will give up the fight a bit quicker! Middle of the night is the worst. No, 5:00 AM is the worst of the worst.