Aahhh!! Almost 19 months and still won't sleep!!

[oxocube]

Unlike ds1 and dd, my ds2 has never been a good sleeper. We co-slept until about 4 months and then he went into his cot, but at 8 months, was still waking about 3 times a night for b/f. I eventually turned to controlled crying which took almost 2 weeks and was horrible but he learned to go to sleep by himself and would sleep through the night.

BUT ... every time he was in pain with teething etc or a cold, the pattern was broken and it took a while to re-establish. For the last 4 months or so, there has been practically no routine, although I don't really know how this came about. I think he was poorly and slept in our bed for a few nights and since then, his sleep has been a nightmare. He would scream when left in his cot, despite same procedure of b/feed, quiet, curtains and door closed. Eventually, I began sitting in his room with a book (and a glass of wine!) but with my back to him, just so he felt reassured and after about 10 mins he would fall asleep, although not sleep through the night. Two weeks ago, he learned to climb out of his cot and no amount of putting him back, staying calm, getting cross, dh trying instead of me seems to be working.

Ds is now sleeping in our bed again and this is making both dh and I unhappy. We literally have no time together away from the kids. I know this issue crops up often but I am feeling very desperate at the moment. Should I stop ds's daytime nap (about 30 mins to 1 hr), although this is hard as he tends to drop in the car when I pick other two up from school. ALL suggestions very gratefully received.

Sorry, meant to add that ds is now going to bed with me at anywhere between 9.30 and 10.30 (ie much too late)

Hi Oxoxcube, I can't offer much advice only loads of sympathy. My ds is 20 months and like your ds2 has never really slept through consistently unlike his sister. I have often ended up sleeping on the sofa with him so my dh gets some sleep. My ds learnt to escape from his cot at Easter and so is now in a small bed. 6 weeks later he is just learning to stay in his room at bedtime. He has gradually stopped coming to find me in the middle of the night - it's usually about 6am now.

I decided that I'd rather get a little sleep on the sofa than end up with him waking the whole house up. I tell myself that he won't being doing this when he's 16!!

I hope you get some good advice, and that your ds starts to sleep through soon!

All I can think of is that he's just not getting enough sleep during the day. It could be that by 9:30pm and with only 3o mins, he's just totally whacked and overtired. From what I understand, even at 19 months, he should still need up to couple of hours during the day (13-14 hrs recommended a day)
Your bedtime routine sounds great and consistent, but could you shift it forward to about 7-8pm? You might have to adjust it gradually, by 10 mins or so each day. If he's just overtired and you know he's already learned to settle himself in he past, you might not need to do controlled crying again.
A friend of mine suggested taking lunch and a novel on tape in the car and going for a long drive until my ds (9mths) dropped off, then at least you're not bored and you don't have to disturb him once the car journey's ended. I would say that's definitely temporary though - noone's got that much time to spare!
Not sure what you think about Gina Ford's books but her "From Contented Baby to Confident Child" has chapters in it describing your ds2 almost word for word and the suggestions seem spot on. Your ds2 seems to fall into the totally normal 19 month old category. You know he's able to sleep through - he just needs a bit of reminding. and you might get your bed back!