Need urgent help with dd's sleep or lack of?

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DD is 3 yrs 9 months. We have had problems beofore but have resolved them but nothing seems to be working this time. About 1 week and a half ago dd started waking at night again. When she wakes we go to her, let her go to tooilet if needed, put back to bed and leave but as soon as we leave the roo she is up again and this goes on and on, each time claiming she needs the toilet but rarely doing anything.
She has a special clock which till last week worked, her staying in bed till its eyes open.

Dp gets up occasionally with her but it is mainly me and I am physically exhausted.
(I work 3 days a week for 9 hours a day but there 10 hours but dp seems to think as he has to be at work slightly earlier he needs his sleep more!!!).

I dont like to admit but I get cross with her as I really cant see a reason for it. But we have tried the calm approach of putting to bed, singing a song then leaving the room, the cross approach of telling her to get straight back into bed and we will see her in the morning etc but nothing is workking!!!

Please any advice would be greatfully received. (Please dont flame me for feeling cross with her I know she is only young and this is exactly why I am asking for advice).

getting on this thread, DS is a year younger and ok atm but i wouldn't be surprised if this is me in a year

have you tried bribery btw??

Yep, tried that, was supposed to take her to a new drama club on Saturday and told her if she doesnt stay in bed she wouldnt be going and we didnt as she didnt stay in bed. At the moment she is meant ot be having a friend ovon Friday and am telling her if she doesnt sleep she will be too tired to play with him but dont want to keep doing this as I dont feel I can put her life on hold like that till she starts sleeping.

Just feeling so awful at the moment as feel so cross with her over it.

So please any advice from anyone gratefully received.

Have also said that she can have a small treat in the morning if she sleeps or just stays in bed.

Trouble is dp let her into our bed at 4am this morning and really dont want to get into this habit again as we ahve been there before and it took us months to get her out of it and buying her a new bed!!!!

The easiest thing to do is a kind of gradual withdrawal. Get into bed with her and give her a cuddle, tell her that she needs to be still and close her eyes and not talk (otherwise you will get out of bed). Once she is asleep go back to your own bed. Do this for a week or more just to catch up with sleep. Once you are rested then you can start being a bit tougher. imo although being tough makes the sleep problem go away faster it makes you so tired that you stop enjoying your children and causes other problems in your relationship with them

don't forget that the ability to sleep all night alone in your own bed is not "natural", most people in most societies prior to now would have always had someone with them. This is not to say that children should have to do it, but that we should blame themselves and us if they can't

should not blame (of course)

Hi, have tried this in the past and you lay there till she is asleep but as soon as you leave the room she gets up again.

I was thinking of getting a sleeping bag and putting it on her bedroom floor, not ideal but at least I get some sleep.(Only to be used if she gets up in the night though not all the time).
Dont know if this is a good idea though or just making another rod for myself.

In an ideal world i would have dp looking after her the nights before I work and me the nigths before he works but this wont ever happen if our house!!!

What does everyone think about the sleeping bag idea?

Bump

Oh you could be me 2 weeks ago, DD up 2/3/4 times anight, won't go to sleep without a story or sleeping with us. I burst into tears on the HV and then a kind MNer pointed me in the direction of Millpond Sleep Clinic.

This is what they told us to do.

On HV's advice we slept with DD in her room (we saw HV on a hursday and had consultation booked on the following MOnday), this gave her the opprtunity and us to actually sleep the whole night through as it gave her the confidence to do so.

When we talked to the clinic, we were advised to go down the gradual withdrawal method. We followed what they call a nightime hygiened routine although we have stopped this now as it didn't work for us as a family. This took place 15 minutes before bedtime so a quick but warm realxing bath, pyjamas and milk and then into bed. DD's natural falling asleep time was 8pm. So the idea was to get her into bed by 7.30, read to her until 7.45 or read and a massage and then we sit quietly on the sleepy cushion until DD is asleep and for 10 minutes after as this is how long it takes for children to fall into a deep sleep. If she woke in the night we took her back to bed and again sat on the sleepy cushion for 10 minutes after she went to bed. DD also has an ipod with stories on which lasts all night. You move the sleepy cushion every 3 nights until you are outside. Now we have introduced a light on a timer that she is not alowed out of her room until that comes on, we are working on that one though, but in 10 days the difference has been amazing. Yes she still wakes sometimes in the night but take last night, she cam in to our room at 12.15, and it was straight back to sleep without me having to stay there.

Hope this helps.

Thats wonderful Five,

We have done that before when we have had problems and she seemed to home in on it and force herself to stay awake!!! Will try anything again though. We have to have the radio on all night as otherwise she wont sleep, she has the hallway light on and her door open as she wont sleep without them amd we have a special clock which she knows when the eyes are closed she cant come into our room, she has to stay in hers, we had to move it the other night though as she had started pushing the button to open the eyes thinking we wouldnt notice the time!!!

This was why I was thinking of the sleeping bag and when she was asleep i would retreat to my room?

She used to wake before in the night but a quick good night and song and she would happily go back to sleep until 1 and a half weeks ago!!!

bump

Please any advice would be gratefully received.Tonight is the worst night yet and she has only been up there 15 minutes.

Dp really not helping with his attitude, with me downstairs not with her!!!

Am dreading the rest of the night.

Well she is finally asleep, dp ended up laying on her bedroom floor until she was asleep.

Oh, it's horrible isn't it? I don't have any magic suggestions but it seems very unfair if you're the one constantly having your sleep disturbed. If DH can't possibly be disturbed during the week, can he take over at weekends? That way you might at least get a night or 2 off.

My DD went through a very drianing phase of getting us up 4/5 times a night every night and I hate to say, but it went on for probably 6 months. Sagring the work load between me and DH was essential to keep us sane. However, the good news is that she did grow out of it and is a good sleeper now.

Unfortnately not, he works mondays, fridays, saturdays and sundays and i work tuesday, wednesday and thursdays.Would like to say I could get him to do monday, tuesday and wednesday nights but he is such a deep sleeper it is hard to wake him at the est of times!!!

He is ok during the first part of the evening she goes to bed, its after we go to bed that it all falls apart so to speak.

She just constantly cries and says she needs a wee. Yet last night when dp let her in with us she stopped asking for it as soon as she came in with us. And tonight will dp lying on the floor she went to sleep and stopped asking to go. SO really not sure if she is doing it to get attention or if she has an infection of somesort so we are thinking of a trip to the gp but dont want to waste their time. Dont know if a trip to the hv may help too, just feeling like a crap parent at the moment and like such a failure.