4 month old - unhappy being put in cot awake. Any advice?

[maldivemoment]

Hello folks

I apologise of this has been done to death but would appreciate some advice / suggestions.

Our baby is 16 weeks and breastfed. He is generally a very content wee soul but our problem arises in the evening when he simply will not settle in his cot to go to sleep. First of all, is he still too young? Are my expectations too high??

We are trying our hardest with a bedtime routine and I watch for the sleep cues and try to anticipate them in advance so that he does not become overtired, but I am failing every time! Even this evening after feed, bath, story, etc, when he was sleepy and content I put him in his cot and within 3/4 mins he was cross! I've tried it all and nothing seems to do the trick! For example, tonight I stayed with him and 'shushed' him when he began to cry. After half an hour of getting himself more worked up and by this stage very awake we brought him down with us. This is why I am wondering if I am expecting too much at such an early age?

Left to his own devices, he will generally fall asleep around 9ish (by which point he is over-tired and we have to rock him to sleep in our arms) and we waken him at 11ish for a dream feed. He will then sleep through the night.

I don't mind at all if this is normal behaviour for a 16 week old. I'm just worried in case we are not doing enough to help him.

Thank you all in advance!

My son is 20 weeks old. I put him down awake after a similar bedtime routine. If/when he gets upset i pick him up and soothe him, then put him back down.

He has a going to sleep cry, which is different and if he does that i sit with him and put my hand on him until he is asleep.

Hope that helps- he doesn't sleep through night thoug, i am jealous of that!

My DD2 is 16 weeks and she is usually awake when I put her to bed at night and for her naps. Getting the timing right makes all the difference - her routine (I stress this is HER routine so may not be for all 16 week olds) at the moment is sleep at 9-10, 12-1, 3-4 and then bedtime begins at 6pm and she's asleep after a bath and super long feed by 7:30.
At naptime she sometimes has a little cry and I just leave her. She is usually asleep within a minute or so. If I don't let her sleep when she needs it she gets really grumpy and cries much more.
At night she rarely cries and is usually awake when I put her in her cot. I feed her to sleep and then the action of putting her in her cot wakes her slightly. If she cries immediately I put her down I assume she needs to burp, so I wind her and then put her back down. If she has been in her cot and then cries after a few minutes I listen to her from the bottom of the stairs and she is usually asleep in a few minutes. I know she is OK so I don't disturb her.
If I've timed the day wrong and bedtime has got late and she's overtired I find the fastest way to get her to sleep if she is crying is to just leave her. I time it and make sure I don't disturb her for 10 minutes. Usually this is all it takes, if not I feed her, change her and put her down again.
Good luck with whatever solution you find.

I really struggled with this and I have to say I think it is quite tricky to put them down awake without a fair bit of crying at this young age. My DS just wanted to be held or rocked or be sucking. The other posters are doing really well but just so you don't worry LOTS and LOTS of Mums will bfeed to sleep or rock their babies at this age and beyond. But I am not a good example as sleep has never been v good.

It definitely is a good idea to get your DC to settle themselves but I know most babies cry themselves to sleep until they are old enough to settle without crying (maybe around 6 months in a dark room?). Not an expert and I have no idea what the answer is! I know that my DS learnt to settle without crying at about 7 months. TIl then I did a lot of rocking.

Hope that didn't confuse you!

maldivemoment - yes this is normal behaviour for a 16-week-old . Have you tried the Baby Whisperer Pick-Up, Put-Down? It worked well for us, and I seem to remember is suitable from 4 months. It worked for our dd as she would cry 'up' rather than 'down' (like your ds) at that age, which meant that leaving her to cry for a few minutes to see if she settled wouldn't work, as she would just get more upset. If we just sat with a hand on her or just next to the cot she would also get more upset, so having a method which involved picking her up but not rocking her for hours was very useful. (And she began to self settle by about 22 weeks, and also took a liking to a cuddly toy her grandmother gave her, which helped, so you won't have to do it for ever!). Hope that helps.

We found that warming the cot with a hot water bottle worked. DD would always cry when I put her down after feed, now she will be put down happily asleep or awake. If she is awake she snuggles into the warmth her thumb then goes in her mouth and I leave the room, 90% of the time I don't have to go back to her.