I can't cope anymore and I'm scared of lashing out...

[twinklesky]

breif outline...

My partner lost his job recently and has taken over the role of stay-at-home parent while I work long shifts instead. I was doing everything before, keeping the house, getting up at night with our son who is 2.5, settling him, bathing him, everything.

Now partner is doing okay but since our DS has learnt to climb out of his cot (we are struggling to afford a toddler bed)he won't stay in bed. Usually put him back a la supernanny three or four times when he goes to bed...I can't control his night time routine as strictly as I used to because I'm not there, but usually a story, cuddles, and a bottle (I know, I know, I need to sort it out)and he lies down but them gets up as soon as we shut the door "mummy light on, mummy teddy, mummy cars" if I am there, or just tries to cuddle daddy over and over.

He'll go off to sleep after a few tries and thats fine, we can handle this.

Then about 2am he'll get up and wake me up, wanting to play, get in our bed, have the telly on, start running around shouting and laughing and we try over and over to get him to stay in bed but "NO WANT NITE NITES MUMMY NO WANT NO WANT" we had to put him back in his room 63 times the night before last, and a good 10 or 15 times last night.

I can't cope! DP Obviously can't deal with him himself and I'm so exhausted I can't be up for 4 hours in the night and get up at 7am

What are we doing wrong? It feels like DS hates me, and is doing it to spite me for going back to work and abandoning him. I have been shouting at him very occasionally and I don't want to be doing that

Does anyone have any advice? I feel like quitting work I just can't cope on this amount of sleep. Partner should be taking more responsability but it's hard to get him to understand

There is a website called freecycle, whereby you can put a "wanted" on there and if anyone has one sitting at home unused, they e-mail you and you go and collect it for free! It basically is a way of keeping things out of landfill, that there is nothing wrong with. Offers come up all the time too on people clearing out. Most of my children's clothes came from here among other things. You may find a toddler's bed from that for free. I think a bed would really help.

I posted on another persons thread with a similar problem and some of the ideas may work for you too here

You could go and see a sleep professional for advice? Alternatively there is a book written by a child's sleep expert with 30 years experience which I found amazing and still use all the time. I can give you details of if interested.

Sorry to be lazy and not retype. Hope things get better soon x

Right, take a deep breath, sit down, have a cup of tea before the little one gets up again and GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. You are doing the best you can in very difficult circumstances.
Your DS doesn't hate you, he's not doing anything to spite you, he is 2 and a half and incapable of consciously manipulating you in that way.
There is nothing wrong with his bedtime routine but the waking at 2am needs to be addressed. I think you need to have a frank chat with your partner and point out that you have swapped roles and he now needs to step up with the childcare. If he feels that that is still your job he needs to get over himself fast. Working outside the home and being a full-time mum/dad are equally demanding and you need to share some of the burden or you will fall apart.
Does your DS have a routine in the day? The fact that your partner has now become his main carer has obviously shaken up his little world which is why he is asking for you at night but kids are very adaptable and he will get used to the change in situation. In the meantime though, when he comes into your bedroom at night your partner needs to guietly take him back to bed and tell him that Mummy needs to rest at night and can't play. This may take some nights but your partner needs to be consistent and so do you.You need to divulge some responsibility and let your partner take control, hard I know but this will build confidence in your child and your partner and save you from a possible nervous breakdown.
You can't be everything to everyone, as I said, you are just doing the best you can and things will get better. Sending you a big virtual hug
xx

crikey - you could be me - in exactly the same situation except my 2,5 yr ds also wakes his 6 year old brother! I am off to read the other thread! dh and I have also swapped roles - i work nights 2 out of 4 shifts, and i found out that on these nights dh has been bringing him downstairs at 2am and dozing on the sofa whilst ds plays with teaset and cats .