Questions about controlled crying

[gingerbaby]

Hi all,

I just have a few questions about CC, I am not planning on doing it but my HV keeps shoving it down my throat everytime I see her. My main reason for not wanting to do it is that I can't bear it when DS cries, admittedly there are some times I can't do anything about it (he had awful colic so we just walked him) but he does wake anything from 5-12 times between 7pm and 6/7am. At each waking he isn't up for long and just feeds then goes back to sleep. We're co-sleeping and DS is 5.5 months.

This also isn't meant to be an attack on those that do CC, as I'm surviving on about four hours of broken sleep a night I know how desperate it can get.

1. How do you KNOW they are not hungry?

2. Likewise how do you KNOW they are not in pain/distressed?

3. Do you CC at every waking?

4. How long do you leave them to cry? Eg, if you are checking every 10 mins do you leave them for 3/4/5 hours til they go to sleep? Just as long as it takes or is there a limit?

5. Can you pick them up and settle them?

I ask as if it was a case of DS crying for 10 mins each night for 3 nights I'd probably do it, but I don't know anyone in RL who has done it to ask.

If you co-sleep, they do often wake for feeds, as they smell your milk among other things.

Do they feed for long or is it a quick snack every time at night? Are they eating plenty in the day as well? It won't be long until you wean them and they may sleep better at night once on solids.

You can't do CC when you share a bed anyway really, as the concept is meant to be when you leave them in their cot alone and walk away, so that they learn how to settle themselves. There are soooo many books with different advice on this so you will get conflicting ideas/ opinions. Just pick and choose the method that feels right for you when ready and if it doesn't work over several weeks, try another?

You could try fading, so you gradually reduce efforts over time and they learn to go to sleep/ and or to settle to sleep again, when they arouse in a lighter part of their sleep cycles at night. This may work best for you, but you can't do that very well when sharing a bed at the end of the day.

Sorry I'm being a bit vague really. Ignore your HV though I would say and do things at your own pace, when ready and how you want to do them. Read some books, websites, digest MNs advice on here and do things when you feel it is right.

But as I said earlier, in a few weeks when weaning begins they may sleep better. So maybe hold off on doing anything for now.

Hiya We co-sleep too and DD was a nightmare at that age - the 16 week growth spurt/developmental stage/whatever it is seemed to go on for months. At some points she was waking every 45 minutes. I think it is biologically normal for babies to latch on and off all night and obviously if you're right there then it's very easy for them to do so! If you can learn to doze while he feeds then you will feel much better.

CC wasn't for us either - I was never sure about your first question, and even if she wasn't hungry I thought she probably wanted comfort or reassurance or something. They're so tiny at that age, just roll with it if you can and it will get better. Do you have to see your HV a lot? I tend not to see mine at all and get all my info off MN ;)

I'd second that co-sleeping babies wake frequently as they can smell the milk. I was in a similar situation with my dd at 5.5 months. I could bear it no longer and moved her into her own room at 6 months. She only woke up once and settled immediately after a feed. She was a velcro baby during the day, so this wasn't what I'd expected but maybe try separate rooms (if you have the space) first? I don't think you can cc when co-sleeping, but might be wrong about that.

Thank you for your replies. We're doing up DS's room ATM but I've told DH I'd rather spend money on a king sized bed! I just feel lot of outside pressure to 'get the sleeping sorted', in-laws, HV, parents etc. Have found 2 other mums at my baby group in exactly the same position so I don't feel so alone!

I'd like to ask in a tiny voice how long this might last?

Hi
We started co sleeping at 6 months because thats when the teeting kicked in. Prior to that DS1 was waking once in his own room.

You can't CC in a co sleeping situation, but when we did - and you could consider - if I felt that he wasn't particularly hungry and wanted comfort, we got DP to cuddle him back to sleep. So he was pulled away from me, so couldn't smell the milk and it allowed us to almost take turns with him. I didn't properly sleep when DP was cuddling him, but it took the pressure off and I dozed, so was a little more rested.

When the teething was at it's worst it was on /off the breast all night and it went on for a couple of weeks at a time. However, in the interim period he then went back to waking just once or twice, we always put him to bed in his own cot, then he would come in with us at the first waking. He didn't sleep 12 hours till all his teeth were through, but then we also had bad eczema to deal with too so it's not surprising.

Ignore your HV and do what is right for you. HTH

On the question of how long it may last. There are too many factors to give an answer alas. Every baby is different. But it won't last forever, just hold onto that and eat lots of chocolate to cheer yourself up

We've been co-sleeping half the night (from when she first woke) until 10 days ago. I thought it was the only way for me to get enough slep, even if not quality sleep. Daughter (13 months) then helped herself to boob for remainder of night,

However we realised that none of us 3 slept particularly deep in this arrangement, so the husband suggested to try and cut out the nightfeeds to see wherther it was only the milk she was used to waking her up.

We didn't do cc, but the husband got up and cuddled her back to sleep. Thew first couple of nights were difficult and he had to get up often, but then she started sleeping through.

I haven't done CC, but as to the questions. My ds does have a very different cry when he is hungry. When he wakes other times he sort of grumbles, if I offer bottle (FF) he takes half an ounce and doesn't want more.

As to the pain thing, I am not sure you do know. The friend I know who has done it, it took 3 days and the longest he cried for was 45mins- she checked on him every 5 mins.

I have 4 dc's, the oldest is nearly 9 and the youngest is 7 months. Have done cc with the 3 oldest but in my opinion its unlikely to be succesful much before they are 1 year old and is most successful from 18 months to 2 years. Its also unlikely to be successful if you're not totally committed to it and do it in a consistent manner. So at the moment I really dont think that cc will help you much. You're better off doing what you're doing now, what feels right and natural for you. Altho agree with whoever said that you may get more sleep if he goes in a different room

DD (16 months) still doesn't sleep through the night. Well, she does technically "sleep through" in the sense that she generally goes five hours, between 7 pm and midnight, but since I don't go to bed until midnight, that doesn't really help me rest! We co-sleep and she still wakes up at least once, usually more to latch on and off. I generally snooze through it and it isn't too bad.

HOWEVER the hellish constant-snacking-no-sleep-at-all section that you are currently in shouldn't last too much longer, though I do know it felt endless at the time. Plus all babies are different of course

Have you weaned yet or are you waiting til 6 months? Once DS gets more food during the day that might help. You could try looking at 'No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley - unlike some sleep books, she does have ideas for what to do with co-sleeping babies.

Having said that we've recently (and very reluctantly as at end of tether) done cc. DD2 was 1 when we started and I wouldn't have done it before then. Never left her for more than 15 mins without going in to check her (usually less), and after a few nights she went from 3 feeds a night to none, and from never sleeping more than 4 hours at a time to sleeping at least 9 or 10. She is in a different room though, and there is no way I could have done it with her in the same room, let alone same bed I would have thought.

Good luck - it does get better....

I wasn't sure about CC either, but I got so desperate we had to try something. Once I was convinced she was a really healthy weight and ate 3 meals a day at 6 months old. I went from breast feeding over to the bottle at this point too, which made me feel content that I knew she was getting enough milk during the day.

We were doing a bit of co-sleeping, first half in her own cot in her own room, second half of the night in bed with me.

I've gone from an average 25 wakes a night to sleeping through, with the odd wake but she's able to get herself back to sleep now. Her day times naps have also gone from 20 mins to an hour plus. (we also went cold turkey with her dummy at the same time, as it was one of the waking factors)

It felt very cruel on the first night, and I cried for the first hour she did. But once we saw results (in 3 nights) and she was a happier baby in the day and we were getting better sleep it all made it worth while.

Our HV said to do 5 minutes of crying on their own, and 2 minutes of minimal comforting them. (hand on chest or a bit of shooshing). and repeat. As they get towards 8 months HV said we can begin to leave them for 40 mins crying (which seems alot) but she seems to do so well at the moment I hope we don't get to that point.