please help not happy with hv advise reguarding 6 1/2 month old DS

[lydiathetattooedlady]

Ok, DS is 6 1/2 months up until xmas EBF, ended up in hospital dehydrated, stopped feeding from me, was then syringe fed (as he wouldnt take a bottle/cup etc) and finally he now accepts bottles, though not alot, he will take about 16-20 oz a day. Up until xmas he always fed to sleep, and would generally feed every 1/1/2 to 2 hours in the night, he would start off in his cot, then end up with us from about 12/1 am. now he's on formula and we're doing BLW. He cannot get himslef to sleep without me holding him and wakes for a bottle at 10 and then 2. he cries on and off through this time, and i go to him and settle him b y cuddling him.

today the hv said i need to use cc with him and that i should only give him water. this is ok in theory but he has reflux so if he is left for 5 minutes+ to cry he is inevitably sick. she told me to just wipe him down and put him back in cot when he is sick.

so...tried cc tonight, only managed 10 minutes before he was being sick, i couldnt do anymore.

is there any other way to get him to sleep without leaving him to scream??

i suppose i still feel he is a little young to be left to cry, plus he was so used to our close contact when bf that i think he misses me, and i have to admit i really miss it too, and it makes me quite upset i had to stop bf before i was ready.

i also think that although yes i am tired is this so bad?? he isnt up screaming all night he just seems to want me, yet hv and friends all think that it is wrong and he should be sleeping through and not in our bed. after all he wont be doing this when he's 10 (i hope!)

can anyone offer any advise for me??

he's in his cot crying and i dont know what to do, he's not full on screaming...yet!

personally i don't believe in letting them cry to sleep. dd1 was same and breastfed to sleep until weaned at 2yrs.

once weaned and was able to be given supper read to etc. she now has no trouble settling.

if it isn't causing you any grief to nurse to sleep then why change it now?

this is the problem im not mursing him to sleep anymore, after his illness at xmas i wasnt able to express to keep up with the syringe feeds and it inevitably stopped. have tried getting him to feed from me but he wont

Id say to just follow your heart, he is still very small and i have abandoned a form of cc today with my 7.5 month old because it just felt wrong......give it another night of just muddling through and do some more research into other techniques if you arent happy, maybe look at the no cry sleep solution??

your HV is an idiot.
if you don't want to do CC then don't

he is your child, not hers.

Best piece of advice ever given to me by a midwife when my ds1 was born:

Trust your instincts. Take advice you like, ignore what you don't like.

That's it. Trust in yourself. Ignore HV if you can't cope (late at night, tired, change of clothing endlessly, bad day etc etc)

Take hv advice when dh is around to support you, you feel strong, had a good day etc etc.

I know that's not the sort of advice you were hoping for but i really do feel that we need to be kinder to ourselves as mums. We do an amazing job and we need to recognise that.

So pick him up, breastfeed him, cuddle him. You'll feel better, he'll calm and you'll feel like you are the only person in the world who knows him better than anyone else.

Ps I used cc and it worked so I'm not one of those who totally disagrees with it. But it sounds like you need to feel more secure with his feeding, his vomiting etc before you have the emotional / physical strength to try cc.

Oh and it is my personal experience that HVs generally are a bit hit and miss with their advice

If your DS waking in the night is not a problem for you then there is absolutely no reason to do CC or give him water. It's completely irrelevant what your HV or others think. Just carry on doing what you are happy with.

I agree that you need to do what you are happy with and that HV advice is hit and miss. If he has been in hospital poorly it is probably too soon to be hard on him and yourself about sleeping through. If cuddling works go with that for a while until you feel ready to make some changes.

Will he let you cuddle him then put him in his cot awake and sit with him until he falls asleep? If so this might be a gentler way of teaching him to settle himself.

Both mine have BF to sleep at bedtime and not responded to cc. Each time I went in the room the crying escalated into hysterics and so I just felt like I was making it worse. Eventually I just let them cry for ages without going in at all and 2 nights later they slept through. Broke my heart listening to them but I had made the decision to do it and was able to stick to it.

DS1 also had reflux and I found that until this was sorted letting him cry was a disaster. IMO its pointless letting them cry if you are only going to need to go in to change their clothes anyway. You may as well give him attention straight away and save the tears.

You poor thing. Your HV sounds like an idiot and if it's working for you then it's none of your friends' business how your DC sleeps! As the mum of a 16 mo who still doesn't sleep through the night (we co-sleep and bfeed, so she latches on and off all night) I get really pissed off with sleeping through being the benchmark by which all mums and babies are judged! He is still tiny and it's quite normal for babies to wake up in the night at that age. People expect far too much from LOs imo. Ignore your HV and get him to sleep anyway you want - cuddles sound great to me

Re the breastfeeding, I am no expert but I'm wondering if it might be possible for you to relactate, if you wanted to. I think it would be hard work and you would need RL support (eg from LLL) but might be worth a go if you both miss it. What happens if you try to latch him on now? If he will latch on then he might still enjoy the comfort of sucking and being close to you even if he doesn't get much. It might be worth reposting over on the breast- and bottle-feeding board maybe.