Please help me I'm at the end of my tether!!!

[whichwitchisthis]

Ds used to sleep through absolutley fine and has no probs being put down for his nap in the day or at bedtime and goes straight off to sleep, he's 14 months old

for the last couple of months after teething and then having a nasty cough he has started waking in the middle of the night at 4am, he used to have a bottle and then go back to sleep, but now it has gotten to the point where last night he went to bed for 7.30pm and then woke at 10pm! He wasn't hot,cold or in need of a clean nappy I gave him a bottle and between 12 and 3am he dropped off on my knee several times and I waited until he was snoring before I took him up to bed, but as soon as we get up/slah enter his room the shrieking starts

he then starts squirming to be put down and it all starts again

We tried him in our bed, but that was a no go and dh basically ended up bringing him downstairs at 4am and sleeping on the sofa with him

we've tried leaving him to scream but he just gets more and more worked up and will be stood up in his cot in hysterics

We cannot carry on like this, I have 2 other lo's and cannot sleep in the day he is only having a nap for 2 hours in the morning! I just do not know what to do, ds1 would only go to sleep if you were holding him but would sleep in bed with us, and we never had many probs with dd at this age

TIA

Not sure how helpful this is but i wouldn;t take him out of his room when you are settling him back with milk.....you say he's dropping off on your knee then you take himback to his room...

Also what time is his daytime nap? DD did the same around 14months - she was napping too early in the day, so her afternoons were so long she was overtired at night (this went on for 4 months!!). Like your DS, she'd go to be fine but be awake for hours after midnight. I shifted her nap to after lunch and the nightwaking stopped.

Good luck

Not much advice other than to repeat whats already been said. Under NO circumstances take him out of his room: once he is down for teh night thats it, no coming out for any reason at all until 6am or so.

Unless he was ill or something obviously! I'd also try and not give a bottle.

we had sleep therapist in who said if ds was ok not wet etc leave him in cot and sit beside cot with minimal contact put teething gel in calpol/nurofen etc dive bottle no conversation just sshhhh sleep time

and sit beside cot never leave to scream leave 2 mins then soothe ssshhh sit back again leave 5 mins ssshhhh the sit back again leave 7 mins then 8 mins just keep calm tone and ignore

ds used to lay there looking and crying and probably trying to make me feel so guilty but i knew it would be worth it

each night it took less time for him to settle him self off and he got used to the no cuddles or me talking he got all the fuss in the day none at all at night everything was done with no talking

but i had to do this after every illness as he was getting used to the fuss at night when ill so i had to make sure i was doing the basics when unwell and not over fussing him as would take ages to get back into routine again

each night once settling easier you would then move yourself further away when sitting in room until you felt you could leave the room and keep going back in to soothe

hope this helps and hope it works for you it does take a good week to get used to doing and can be just as tiring but once its cracked i was sitting on the floor less than 5 mins and he'd be asleep id do a dream feed when i went to bed and this would take him through till 6 so was all good

also nap had to before lunch and bed had to be moved hr early as if he wasnt so overtired he actually slept better and longer

also sleep therapist said to continue bottle but to change it early hours to water or keep sippy cup where he can reach it he soon stopped waking for his 2-3 am feed was content on the dream feed at 11-30-12

Yes - we changed milk to water and that gradually put them off wanting it. DS still liked the bottle itself for comfort - so i binned that and gave him a cup (mean mother ) - that worked in one day!

thanks for the fast replies just been taking the other two to school

He's having his nap now straight after I've done the school run, and I've started waking him after an hour or two, he doesn't have one in the afternoon

Do you think I should cut this nap down to one hour and then put him down for another at 12 or one? for an hour?

Then he goes to bed at half seven, we've just changedthis from six even though he is dog tired by the time it gets to six but obv this didn;t help matters any

So tonight I put him down and he goes to sleep, he wakes up at 10.20 I check if he is poorly or wet, I offer a drink of water and then ignore him? Do I have to stay in the room?

I was going to attempt the controlled crying I've not done this before but just not sure what else to do

yes you stay in the room where he can see you and dont interact just soothing shhh go to sleep and thats it

What time does he wake in the morning?

I'd give him 30-45 mins (if that) in the morning...to get him through to after lunch. You'll need to get him down around 12-12.30 for his afternoon to get him in time for your school run! By 16 months my DS was down to just one afternoon nap - was hard to do at first, and he often fell asleep on the way home in the car from school so i;d let him have 10-15 mins max to keep him going....

And keeping mine up later makes them sleep worse and more overtired.....so no reason why you cant put him to bed early at night. Keeping them up to tire them out always backfires.. Go for 6.30/7pm bed time. Your DS sounds like he's having a very long day. Say he naps 9-11 then he's not getting to bed til 7.30 - thats an 8.5 hour stretch. DS is nearly 2 and the longest he goes is a 6 hour morning, then 3-4 afternoon.

i agree about the later bed backfiring sometimes my ds can go to bed at 8 his up at 5 i put him to bed at 6 he'll sleep till 7

trial and error i find the more tired my ds is the less likely he stays settled at night

I've just changed my DSs nap as he was having night issues like yours. Its amazed me that last week he used to go down between 10 & 11 and sleep for 2-3 hours, but now will happily stay awake til 1-2!

I do wake him up now by 4.30, so today when he took ages to settle himself to sleep he only slept for 1.5 hours, but he's now only waking once in the night and thats getting better - was 12, then 3, last night 4 - so he's sleeping longer and longer.

I did the NCSS and found it really helpful - probably mostly in making me not feel guilty about feeding him at night etc.

I'm on another thread about other 14mo babies and terrible sleeping....I've tried the sitting in his room but he SCREAM at me, standing at his cot, I feel so horrible. I also just don't cope with it well at all and get so upset.

DH managed to eventually settle DS last night but he stayed calm/asleep for the grand total of 20mins before starting up again.

We occasionally bring him into our bed which I know is big no but it's so hard to know what to do when you're so exhausted. This is worse than when he was newborn, at least then once he was changed/fed he would sleep....

GirlWiththeMouseyHair

My DS stands and yells at me too - to the point where he's hysterical and then takes even longer to settle (is why our 1 attempt at CC came to a very abrupt end).

Do get the NCSS, cos from reading that then its saying anything that gets your baby to sleep is good, so if co-sleeping works for you then do it - when you're all better rested after a good night's sleep then you'll feel more able to tackle whatever issues were stopping him sleeping (probably just teething or having a developmental milestone anyway).

I used to feel awful about feeding him at night (anything else made him scream the house down but I'd spend every feed feeling like a bad mother, making rod for own back etc), but now I just think, well it won't be forever, he obviously needs it (even if only for comfort) and I enjoy the cuddly time with a sleepy baby.

Thankyou, I might try it - CC just doesn't work anymore now he can stand (we only ever did it for a min max at a time anyway and always went in as soon as he escalated, I can't bear more than that!)

Thanks as well leeloo, I can feel the panic of being a new mum rising up in me again when I just read everything to find a reason for the colic/crying/bad sleeping...I do try to fulfill his needs without the voices telling me I'm making a rod for my own back.

He's been walking for about two weeks but even though he can walk on his own, he demands to always hold someone's hand, so maybe it's all tied to that?

I'm just wondering if we have a problem with an over tired DD. I'm on the web now cos she's been crying, repeatedly, at 40 min intervals last night. I think I've had maybe 3 hours sleep altogether (if I join all the bits up). I'm not sure whether it's trapped wind or what. Used to sleep ok from dream feed till at least 6am. Then we introduced solids at 6mo (she's nearly 8mo) and the proverbial hit the fan. She has mild reflux so I thought it was maybe to with weaning and that, plus couple of bad nights after 6 month jabs.

She started nursery 2 weeks ago which she loves, but does get tired. Not sure last night whether storm woke her, or stomach, or bad dreams. She would settle on me and zonk into deep sleep (dummy fall out etc) but when I put her back in the cot she would cry again about 15 min later. DH is working away so I have no help with this (and he was sick last weekend - same cold as me which I also had last weekend (!) - so he couldn't possibly do late feeds/early feeds/any of this shit (yeah right). DH's help has consisted of telling me to just sleep during the day when she's at nursery. So that's no life for me, and when I go back to work in a couple of weeks I'm going to be able to sleep.....when exactly??? And the clean bottle fairy, clean house fairy, shopping fairy, etc will all be round to assist out of the goodness of their hearts.

Will ask the nursery to make sure she doesn't kip too long in the morning and see if she'll sleep longer in pm; and early bed. Hell, if I'm going to be kept awake all night I may as well try and get some sleep during early evening.

Someone please tell me this will end. So far, I have not enjoyed any of the last 33 weeks of hell. I thought there was supposed to be some good stuff? Apart from the hours when they're in the creche I mean?

'He's been walking for about two weeks but even though he can walk on his own, he demands to always hold someone's hand, so maybe it's all tied to that? '

Very probably, any milestone like this is meant to upset their sleeping pattern, because they practise in their sleep and wake themselves up. (sorry, you probably know that)

GingaNinja Aw, sounds like you're having a rough time of it. Are you meeting other mums in the day? Just I found having a support network, or at least going to the odd baby group where you can share the pain for an hour or so made all the difference! It also reminds you of the 'fun' side of babies - the cute stuff they do etc - so its not just all about the sleepless nights!

Your DD could be overtired, at 8 months (just consulted book) she needs 2 naps of 3-4 hours, but all babes are different - think DS was having 3 at that age, although last one was a catnap at 4ish to get him til bedtime at 6.30. Weaning is meant to help the reflux, so if it isn't then maybe talk to dr? Or since she's only sleeping badly since weaning then could she have an allergy to something thats causing her pain?

Starting nursery might mean that she's missing you so catching up with cuddles with mummy at night? If she sleeps on you then could you co-sleep for a couple of nights? (Sound like I'm an avid co-sleeper on this thread - not IRL as DS gets v excited and won't sleep in bed ).

Can't help at all with the DH problem, mine has never helped with nights, even when he doesn't have man-flu ('he wants milk, he'll just cry if I go through' - thats when he's not wearing earplugs!) but if you find a way to get him to then let me know!

Any help? I do sympathise as DS has never been a great sleeper - although from around 8 months he became a fab napper and now (at 15 months and with help of NCSS) he's finally getting better at the sleep thing.

Thanks leeloo, sympathy gratefully received. No mother and baby groups nearby (we live in a field on the extreme west coast of Ireland. More cows than people and there ain't many of them). The only group I heard of never actually met.

She's not sleeping much at nursery - I think she likes to know what's going on too much and is afraid she's missing something. The reflux is much better in general on solids (v little sick these days) apart from one episode involving spitting up blood a month ago which gp checked out and gave all clear.

I'm going to try early bedtime tonight eg just after 6 rather than 45 mins later, unless she'll have a power nap after I collect her from nursery - she's refused the last couple of days. Plus I'm always afraid that it'll end up with her being up really late - and then all night....

DH is on duty this weekend; even if he has limbs missing. I collapsed on xmas day (exhaustion) in the kitchen and I felt like this then so he's going to have to get his finger out. And I think we're overdue for a 'chat' about childcare, life and whether we should even be staying married. He's not here now so I can't see there'd be much practical difference in terns of his actual parenting. If I was still in the UK I would have left by now - bit more difficult when it involves a plane and small child to do a runner back home!!

Oh, and DH doesn't use ear plugs - he just doesn't hear her yelling when he's asleep. Even when DD is at full tilt and I'm holding her over him. And he is genuinely asleep. Was meant to be asleep now (having lapped up sympathy from creche staff) but beginning to wonder if I have insomnia to add to all the rest.

Why do baby books concentrate on birth and stuff and not the nitty gritty of exactly what bastard hard work it is, and not just for that mythical first six weeks? I'm having to resist the urge to respond to newly pregnant /just delivered friends with 'Welcome to hell'. Actually, that's mostly just during the hours of darkness - even when I'm broken tired I can just about cope in daylight. I don't know how people with winter newborns cope. [Smiley of Admiration and Respect]

Oh bless, you do sound like you're having a rough time! I don't know how you cope with no moral support nearby. (((hugs))) Are there any mums at all or anywhere at all you could go (nurseries or children's centres or anything?

I think DHs just don't get how hard it is... mine can literally watch me weep with tiredness and the misery of it all but still go on to insist that he needs to have his 'me' time (he works don'cha know - obv not like me lounging around - I do work from home 2 days pw but I'd say DS is more than a full time job!)... he is good with DS when he's around and switched on but I sooo wish he gave more practical support...

Sorry thats not much help, but if its any consolation then because your DD is so little she should be more 'trainable' sleep wise...

well thanks for everyone's help over the last couple of weeks we seem to have solved the problem

started controlled crying with one of us in his room and this just seemed to make him really angry, so we left him for 5 mins on his own and then went in gave him a rub on the back and laid him back down, then went back in after ten, the fifteen and then twenty and then he went to sleep

second night just slept straight through, third night got up but just repeated the first night and he went off after the first ten mins, and since he has slept through every night

he still gets up early at 5.30am but I can cope with this if I have had some sleep...so thanks again