20 mo up for 2 - 3 hours most nights - desperate

[Katharine19]

I'm at my wits end and wonder if anyone has any useful advice or support if you've been in a similar situation (please no-one shout at me because I honestly think I'll break down!)

My DS is 20 months, and has never been a great sleeper, but I always have just gone with the flow and assumed it would get better. But he's now up most nights for 2 - 3 hours, talking, laughing and then crying when he can't get back to sleep.

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, and just feel like I can't cope - plus I'm terrified that it won't get better before DC2 is born as it's been going on for a year now. I've always been very anti CC, so have gone in and soothed him (once I stopped bfeeding at about 12 months when I would feed him at night). DH has to get up at 5 for work, so I've always done the nights (and DS doesn't want anyone other than me then anyway).

So, current pattern is - wake up crying, I go in to soothe him (patting and shushing unless he's really upset when I pick him up). Then 2 hours of chatting (very very loudly), with occasional crying when I go back in. So far we've tried telling him to be quiet from outside the room when he's talking/ ignored him (just the talking, have never ignored crying)/ taken away most of his soft toys. None of this works - it's as if he's on some kind of timer, and once he's up there's no way he'll go back to sleep before at least 2 hours.

He's great at going to sleep by himself for his nap and in the evenings, so he knows how to settle himself. He has a 1 1/2 - 2 hour nap after lunch, I tried cutting it back but if anything that made it worse.

It was ok for a while, because I work very flexibly part time from home so could catch up a bit during his nap, but now I'm pregnant I just can't cope. Lots of people have suggested ear plugs and ignoring him, but I hate the idea of not being able to hear him if he's upset. We live in a very small flat and I find it impossible to sleep through (DH wears ear plugs). I've read lots of books, but none of them seem to address this problem.

Sorry for the waffle! I just feel like a total failure and like I'm doing something really wrong.

Goodness go back a couple of years and I could have written most of your post. My partner gets up at 5am too, I did all feeds as breastfed and didn't express. My dd was 19 months when my ds was born and had never slept through, I tell you what I did, I saved all our sanity and we brought her into our bed everynight so we all got some sleep. Not the best solution, but a solution for the time being, and there's no law to say that children have to settle themselves/sleep all night by x age anyway.

Obviously having my dd in our bed everynight then became a bit of a worry that she would still be doing it when our ds was born. But I can give you hope that suddenly out of the blue, coincided with me being in hospital having ds, she started sleeping through the night and hasn't spent a night in our bed since. (Wonder if it was a change in routine).

My ds is now 18 months and he has been the same, bad sleeper, if doesn't settle in his cot,comes straight in our bed and straight asleep. Lately he is waking less and last night he even slept through so stayed in his cot all night (I'm still in shock!)

Some babies/children do take longer to sleep through, best thing I ever did was just accept it. I would never do controlled crying either, it's not the only way of getting some sleep for you all. Please don't think you are doing anything wrong, still go with the flow and deal with it in the way you feel comfortable with.

Goodluck!

I have a 21 mth old and had similar probs with her and my now 4 year old.

With my 21 mth old, we have been strict for the last 3 weeks - absolutely no napping in the day ever. She has slept well at night. It will be hard at first, but if he starts flagging during the day, you can stick him in the bath to wake him up or get some paints out or something exciting.

Thanks very much! To be honest, although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it is a real comfort to know that other people have had the same problem - everyone I know seems to have children who sleep pretty well by now.

We've had him in our bed, and much as I secretly love having him there he doesn't actually sleep as he spends hours patting my face and saying hello (cute the first time). But maybe I'll be stricter on his nap and see if that works - I think part of the problem is that it's been so cold we don't get out to the park as much as usual to wear him out.

Just wanted you to know my 17 month old is just the same, has never been a good sleeper, at mo shares room with 4 year old bro who is a fairly good sleeper. Usually if ds2 wakes up in night he will be awake for anything between 1 - 3 hours, initially crys so we go in as prolonged crying wakes 4 yr old up then we try to settle him in his room but if distressed and crying for too long we bring him in with us but he quite often will not go straight to sleep, talking and clapping very fidgity etc.
We can't do cc or anything that means he'll cry lots as his bro will wake up. I wouldn't mind so much if he settled quite quick but being awake for a couple of hours is knackering, especially if he wakes at 3 and doesn't go back to sleep till 5/6 as is there any point me going back to sleep as have to be up by 7!