help cant get my 4 week old dd to sleep without dummy

[lu9months]

my dd 3 needs white noise and a dummy to fall asleep. trouble is it takes hours to get her to sleep, and every time the dummy falls out she screams and I have to get up and put it back. I'd love her to learn to get to sleep without the dummy eventually (my other 2 never needed one) but she gets really distressed without it. I dont mind, but I am getting exhausted spending an hour or more getting her to sleep after each night feed and during the day too, especially with 2 other kids to look after. any advice?

Is she 3 years old? Is that what the DD 3 means? Or am I getting confused and it's 3 months.

Does she like taggy blankets? My friend substituted the dummy for a taggy blanket, as she liked sucking labels and that worked a real treat.

I'd be tempted to go cold turkey on the dummy and do a little sleep training. As this situation can't really continue, as it sounds like you already try the feeding to help get her to sleep already and that's not working.

If you have a nice routine for bedtime already, and a good routine in the day so she's not overtired at bedtime. Short of lying down with her every night or something similar (Making a rod for your own back). It maybe better in the long term, to have the short term pain and guilt of sleep training but then a happier child at settling herself. Depends on what you feel comfortable doing though.

Must be so waring, with 2 other children. You poor thing x

Maybe some other MN may have a nicer idea though x

Being stupid again for the second time in 24 hours, you title says "4 weeks". Sorry.

It's not wind is it? Is she lifting knees up into chest and crying a lot? Do you use infacol or gripe water at every feed? Do she burp well after feeds?

Don't want to sleep train her this young. Sorry ignore previous suggestion. I think 4 weeks is too young for anything but feeding to sleep and other gentle methods.

thanks very much, I put DD 3 cos third child but probably not using right terminology! yes she seems very uncomfortable after a feed, and sucking the dummy seems to calm her, have tried infacol without much luck, going to try gripe water now, thanks for the post!

My second child had severe colic and cried for 2 to 3 hours a night for the first 10 weeks, towards the end though it was no where near as bad though.

I found my health visitor really great and she had so much helpful advice for me. I've just spent 5 minutes looking for her original advice, just in case you find it helpful as well, as now that he's 12 months old, the sleep deprivation has suitably caused my brain to forget it all

Her tips to try were:

Warm bath covering tummy.
Lying him on his tummy with a warm (not hot) hot water bottle under him to soothe tummy.
Cycling his legs whilst he's on his back. Holding feet palm to palm and rocking legs sideways, whilst lying on floor or lap.
Or scooping with right hand down his right side whilst holding feet palm to palm.
Or rocking him face down well supported on legs.

She also said don't eat anything that gives you wind such as brocolli, cabbage, caffeine, cauliflower, garlic or other stimulants. She said if none of the above did work I could try buying Colief drops from a chemist and mixing in with feed by expressing it first, as she said sometimes colic is caused by a lactose intolerance.

I found that out of all of those the cycling the legs was particularly good. I also found that as he had trouble burping, the infacol made him cry harder as it coalesced the bubbles into one big one that still went downwards but hurt more. But giving him gripe water after every feed straight away really soothed his tummy. I had to do it every feed though without fail.

The warm bath in quiet room was also a real help. Every night at the time he started to get agitated I would put in the bath, in a bath cradle and keep putting warm water on his tummy and every now and then top the bath up with warm water, so it wouldn't get too cold for him. Once or twice he was in the bath for 2 hours in the early days as it was really calming for him. Once he started doing big yawns and it was bedtime, I'd take him out into a dark bedroom and change him and BF him quietly and then often he'd go to sleep straight away.

But let's face it all babies are different and these may not work for you but it's always worth a try!

Goodluck x

Have you tried swaddling her - worked wonders for my DS2 when we started at 10 wks,(should have started much earlier) so don't think you are too late to try.

If she fights against it initially, stick with it for a few more mins, it's the ones that fight that need it! Do it tighter that you might think too.

Definitely worth a try.

4 weeks is so young though. I think at this age you just have to do what needs to be done to get them to sleep. I know it's hard work (I do, DS2 was a NIGHTMARE before we started awaddling) but it won't last for ever, really it won't.

Try settling her out of the way of the other kids. I was trying to get DS2 to drop off amidst the chaos of DS1 and accompanying noise and it was never going to work. Stick the telly on and give snacks to the older ones, and take lo upstairs in the peace and quiet.

Good luck

thanks so much for the advice. things are worse than ever, so appreciate it! yesterday she cried and cried in the day, hardly slept at all, and at night was awake from 11pm to 5am, and very distressed (as was I by the end!). she seems really uncomfortable and unsettled, and even when she nods off will often wake up again crying. going to try gripe water, and have found cycling her legs helps for a short while. I dont think I can do another night with zero sleep...

try colief, expensive but worth it! wish we'd discovered at 4 weeks instead of 3 months of screaming. are you breast feeding or formula? if the colief works and you are formula feeding there are lactose free formula's available which are less of a faff.

other than that also second the warm baths. etc.

Awww honey it does get better, I had real trouble bonding with my second baby as all he did was scream at me because of the wind, he was only happy for a short while after a feed before screaming again and at night he grunted and writhed about in cot with wind for ages before going back to sleep after each feed. I threw a blanket at his feet in frustration after no sleep for weeks and weeks and cried and cried.

My HV was great though, give yours a call if you need some more tips as often they can be great.

I also found that the bouncy chair actually made his wind worse in the early days despite winding first, so he was often in a baby bjorn on me after feeds so he could try and burp wind up whilst I cooked dinner etc.

It will get better x

thank you - am already dreading tonight.. but nice to know I'm not alone!

Swaddling and raised head, books under crib so she is still lying flat but her head is several inches higher than her feet.

Try her on her left side - well supported along her back and front by rolled blankets/hand towels.

Vibration can help so light very rapid patting if no vibrating chair.

Imagine yourself in a quiet calm place as she will pick up on your upset and become more upset, she needs you to be calm so she can become calm.

Cycling the legs and also doing a froggy movement whilst cycling was recommended by my midwife and seemed to help my DD.

Also, dare I suggest that if the dummy helps and you want her not to lose it yo can get things that hold it on - straps that attach to the grobag or sleep suit - or there's sleepytot which is a toy thing that you can attach the dummy to. It stopped mine from losing hers so she relaxed more.

I am about to break the dummy habit soonish.. not looking forward to that.

How's your little one at bedtimes now? Things getting better?

thanks for all this - she is still very distressed, can be in day or night, took her to the gp who has given gaviscon, though I am not convinced she has reflux (no vomitting) but she certainly sounds in pain, seems a bit more settled today after 1 day on it, but now constipated because of the gaviscon! still I will persevere for a bit because she was much calmer today, though she is stirring now, hope the night will be calmer too.

Oh the poor thing, she must be in so much pain. Really hope things get better soon, sadly apart from my mammoth message below on suggestions from last week, I'm all out on ideas - but it will get better, keep in touch with all the lovely MNs and maybe someone else can help x