My 5 year old cant sleep, please please help

[eliselady]

My 5 year old cannot settle at night. I settle her with a story, drink and sometimes lay down with her but she just cant drop off until she is exhausted which is often at 9.30 - 10 o clock.

This has been going on for months, I try to talk to her but she doesn't seem to know why she can't sleep. She is so tired and her behaviour is now hitting rock bottom, getting angry and aggressive She has just thrown a full blown lying on floor tantrum in the library and I have had to carry her, kicking and screaming to the car, with poor DD2 following behind.

I am sure if I could crack the sleep the behaviour would improve. She often says she cant stop herself getting angry and she seems shocked at her temper.

Any ideas? Please?

DS only 18mo so definately not qualified to help!
Have you read 'How to Talk So Kids Will Listen....'? Friends swear by it.

Is she at school? I find that tires them out

You need to look at the following:

What she eats and drinks in the 2 hours before bed time, and cut out sugars, fizzy drinks, anything with additives/chocolate etc.

What she does in the 2 hours before bed time. Maybe she needs to have her story and winding down time before she goes up to bed.

You could try bathing her before her supper.

Try starting bed time earlier - if she is in reception she is probably way overtired and overstimulated. Starting bed time between 6 and 6.30 is what I would do.

Learn to give her a gentle massage using a mild lavender/calming preparation. There are plenty of books on the subject in the library.

Try music relaxation tapes, the sort used in hholistic therapy centres.

Routine is very important.

No rowdy play, no stimulating TV, no loud music or noise in the hour or so before you start the bed time routine.

You will need to stick with it and remain calm yourself.

Spend quality time with her when she comes home from school, so that she is not desperate to stay awake for your attention.

The worst thing for mine at that age was daddy appearing just as they were going to sleep. In the end I had to ask hime to come home later, once they were asleep, and just spend time with them at weekends - it was just winding everybody up too much.

HTH.

What time does dd2 go to bed? Any chance there is competition for your attention, does dd1 feel she is missing out on one to one time with you?

Oh gosh, you all replied so quickly, thank you. (am crying a little bit now) She is currently upstairs in her bedroom crying her eyes out after library incident, so I need to go up and try and talk to her.

Hairymelons (brill name!!)I have got that book, maybe I need to revisit it!

3 littlefrogs We normally eat at 6 -6.30 and then start winding down for bed after that, so it sounds like I need to bring it all forward by an hour. Bath time does seem to excite her rather than settle her so I will try bath before eating.

The Daddy issue is a problem. He leaves very early, before we are awake and so if they don't see him at night they wont see him at all in the week. However, this situation can't go on so maybe I will also have to lay the law down.

They go to bed at the same time, which doesn't really work actually.

Excelent post from 3littlefrogs there. I know lots of APers dont agree but I think tis important to have differentiated bedtimes at that age - a 5 year old deserves some time - even if its only half an hour with you on their own...

I'm having the same prob with dd1 and think it must be either food, hormone or developmental stage related. I now lie down with her and she is asleep within 5 mins (the only problem being my falling asleep too) and I figure it is only a phase so worth doing in the short term.

Feed Dcs at 5pm, in bed by 6 - 6.30. Daddy will just have to accept that if he can't be home by 5, he will have to come home at 7.30. It won't be forever, and you will have calmer evenings and bed times, and peaceful time together once the dcs are asleep.

Dd is losing out on 3 - 4 hours sleep every 24 hours. This will have long lasting effects on her growth and health, and her daddy will surely see that it is worth a temporary sacrifice in the long run.

It really didn't cause any long term problems with mine. They are grown up now, and have a very good relationship with their dad.

Thought I should update everyone! I tried to do some of 3littlefrogs plan today, but didn't start dinner early enough - I'll crack that tomorrow though.

Separate bedtimes worked a treat though and it was nice to spend quiet time with DD2 and she got to drop off early. DD1 stayed downstairs and decided to surprise me by tidying up! Lovely! I did notice how her face lit up when I came downstairs and I do think spending time with me is part of the issue, so I am going to make sure we have some time after school tomorrow.

Daddy arrived and understood he couldn't see her. So it was bed at 7.30 (this is the usual time) and she dropped off at 8.45. Believe it or not this is progress!!! I know it will be a long haul. Have already planned the meals for the week so I can be more organised at get the dinner sorted earlier.

Feeling much more positive than I did at the start of this thread, thank you .

I spent had a period of about 3 years when all evening meals were things I had cooked in bulk, in advance:

Pasta and sauce, shepherds pie, casseroles, all frozen in small portions and doled out as required. I used to sit down with a cup of tea with the dcs at 5 - so that i was sitting at the tablw with them IYSWIM, then eat dinner with DH after they were in bed.

It is so much easier when they are small, and reduces your stress level no end!

There used to be a tradition of high tea, or nursery tea for little children, and I must admit, I think it was a very good one.

When they are older, it is nice to eat as a family, but honestly not worth the hassle when they are small.