How did you stop the night feeds?

[dycey]

Going back to work any minute and my DC - who is 10.5 months - still wants bf every 3 and a half or 4 hours at night. He eats masses in the day and is now on day time formula. I need to stop the night feeds to see if that can help him sleep through - I am exhausted after this long (I know I am not alone there!).

If you stopped night feeding with an older baby how did you do it? I need to take action asap but don't know whether to go in and out, stay with him, send in DH or leave him to it....

I have kept feeding at night in the forlorn hope he might sleep on his own accord - but no luck sadly!

Any advice so welcome.

Hi dycey sorry I can't help as have the same problem with my 6 month old twin, so will be watching this thread with interest.

We stopped night feeds when DD was 4 months and DS 5.5 months. DD slept through on third night, DS took several weeks. Thereafter, they went to sleep on their own and barring the occasional illness, slept through like little angels.

Since I was still breastfeeding, it was DH who went in when they cried.

Thanks CoteDAzur, maybe I will use DH. Did he pick up or just comfort without lifing? Maybe I should have done it younger. Months of sleep deprivation all in the vain hope that he would sort himself out and I wouldn't have to face the distress. O me, o my!

I stopped night feeds at around 4 months with both DS's. They are both big boys tipping 10 pounds at birth and gaining weight on the 91st centile so I knew they were well fed!

We were down to just one feed a night which was lasting no more than 5 mins so I knew it was for comfort rather than nutrition. So it was relatively easy. Instead of feeding at 4am I would go in and cuddle them until sleepy and then put them down. With DS1 it took three nights and with DS2 it took one night. It did involve some crying of course but I'm not sure there's a way of dropping the night feeds without some tears from both parent and baby.

I'll be watching this with interest too. I have an 8 month old who still wakes at night for a feed despite the fact he's well fed during the day and is a hefty baby!

I've tried going in to his room and patting him to let him know I'm there but after an hour of screaming I give in and feed him.

Mine is starting nursery next week, because I'm starting full time uni, and the night feeds are depressing the hell out of me...

Starting tonight I'm going to try countrylover's suggestion of cuddling but not feeding.

DS is over six months old and eats his head off. He can't need one or two feeds every night as well as the amount of milk and solids he gets through during the day...

I am afraid it is going to just have to be comforting with mine or DH's presence and some persistance from us. Will have to block out the crying........ such a shame to have to do it, isn't it? I too depressed now by night feeding. Been meeting friends who have only recently had babies who are already sleeping through and feel I am in some kind of strange ground hog day thing!

Very sorry for all you sleep deprived mummies.
Are your DCs feeding to sleep?. DD was only feeding once or twice a night, then it gradually crept up to 5 times a night, mostly feeding for a few minutes then falling back to sleep. I thought it was a growth spurt at first, then realised she needed me to get to sleep.
After that I made sure that I didn't let DD fall asleep on me (though not as easy as it sounds!), and also tackled daytime naps (made sure I wasn't feeding just before a nap to disassociate feeding with sleeping). DH would comfort her when she woke in the night, usually picking her up and cuddling her.
To make it less stressful I used to set times before I'd feed (eg tonight I won't feed before 3am, then tonight I won't feed before 4am), which made it easier for me not to give up. At first it was awful, as DD went hysterical as soon as she realised she wasn't getting fed, but I was getting so sleep deprived I was not functioning properly. It took about 2 weeks I think.
I've fed a few times in the night since then when DD was poorly but that's been it really.

Not sure whether this helps at all but hope you get some sleep soon x

Thanks so much notsotinybaba. He settles himself fine at night - tho a cuddle or a feed is what I use for getting him to nap (can't stand the stress of crying in the day)...... I am afraid it was a LONG time ago that the trouble started with a dummy and feeding to sleep then. If I ever have another baby I will do it differently - but I could not stand for him to cry at all.

I wouldn't be worried except am returning to work so soon!

Hiya Dycey, read this thread with interest as I have a ten month old with same problem, wakes 5ish times per night for 5 minute feed then asleep. I am shattered too! I have also fed him to sleep. He is DS2 and did the same with DS1 who was the 'perfect' baby and slept through from 4 months - yes still can't believe. Just shows you can do exactly the same and get a different result. But point of this thread is to say you aren't alone, and secondly a friend with a similar problem in a 7 month old also recommended cuddling to sleep to break the pattern as she pointed out our babies are probably not looking for food but comfort. For her it worked after two nights. I admit I havent been brave enough to try yet but the time is approaching as not yet returning to work but tired of being tired...good luck.

I stopped feeding DS at night at 10 months. I agreed with DH that he would do the night shift for a whole month (previously it had been about 80-90% me). Ds at that point woke 1-2 times a night and I breastfed him any time he woke after I had gone to bed.

The first 4-5 nights or so DS was clearly v cross that the parent without the milk was there! After that he got progressively easier to settle and started sleeping through much much more often (2/3 nights compared with 1/10). After the month I was able to go down and settle him without feeding him and he didn't fuss too much.

This was 7 months ago and although he still sleeps through only 2/3 of the nights, I only end up feeding him maybe 1 in 10. Those nights there is usually something a bit more wrong like teeth, temperature etc etc.

Thank you both Missytabitha and BacktoSchool. missytabitha, that is really interesting and most reassuring for me that you did the same with number one but different babies etc... I am getting rather down on myself for messing up so badly. Been meeting old friends at weddings over the last few months and every time I hear a new baby is sleeping thru - feel like a proper odd ball for feeding such a big lad so often at night.

Backtoschool, thank you - it obviously works to send in the non milk parent!We should try it but I feel bad for DH with work. I have been wondering what on earth I am going to do about getting DS back to sleep when he is ill without bf. Once I stop the night feeds he will be completely weaned. It is miracle settling stuff for an ill baby isn't it?

hi there, I've had to do a similar thing with my dd. When she was 8 mths, she was eating 3 massive meals a day plus usual milk feeds, so I was confident she wasn't hungry.

I gradually shortened the feeds, so 5 mins the first few days, then 4 mins etc. The plan was a bit waylaid when she was ill or teething. But after a couple of weeks, her feeds were down to 90 secs and I knew that she didn't need them.

I would also agree it's important to put baby down awake in the cot after the feed. Stop feeding before they fall asleep.

Then when she woke up I just picked her up and cuddled her a bit, then the next step was just patting her in the cot. Sometimes dh went in and did that, but I think we started that step on a Friday so he wasn't too tired for work.

Anyway, a bit long winded but we managed it without too many tears. I still do feed her a bit when she's ill or teething, but generally it's a no feed policy at night now.

It hasn't miraculously improved her sleep,being ill or teething still means she wakes up and sometimes I don't even know why she wakes up but it is better.

Good luck, I feel a hundred times better the nights I get 8 hrs sleep, it's hard work, but totally worth it.

Hi, How are you doing with it?

In the last couple of months I have gone from feeding 3/4 times a night to DS sleeping through. We got the shortest time he could go with out a feed (it was 3 hours), and then added 1/2 hour a night. So if he woke before DP changed his nappy and cuddled him, until it was time for me to feed. The aim was to get it down to 1 feed a night, but once we were there and he had done it for a week or two, a decided I wanted to knock that on the head as well. So then I timed how long he fed for (it was 8 mins) and then reduced it by 1 minute every night. When we were down to 2 mins I had a night out and DP was going to give a bottle. He gave him a cuddle and tried to give the bottle but DS wouldn't take it so he put him back down and he went to sleep. After that if he woke DP would go in and shush him for a bit, then leave.

Touch wood and fingers crossed it has been very successful. The worst we had to deal with was DP cuddling him for 20 mins while he cried one night early on. But now we are all getting a good nights sleep.

Unfortunately since doing this, his day time naps have got really short, but that's another story that I'm trying to work out and sort out with the help of mumsnet.

Good luck...

I forgot to say DS is nearly 8 months.

Don't feel bad on yourself either, it sounds like you are doing a great job. It's bloody tiring.

How are you getting on?

Good luck...

Thanks so much Shirleycat1, your plan sounds an excellent one.... I wish I had tried that back before the autumn. DS has pretty much been ill except for about 3 weeks intermittently since October so I never get a chance to sort it out. When he was 7 months I managed to get him from 3 feeds to 2 by not feeding unless it was 4 hours since the last one - that worked very easily.

Now I am only bfeeding at night and I think my milk supply is much smaller (morning nappy is not so heavy now!) so I think if I cold turkey the feeds he won't be so shocked by lack of milk.

Feel I need to do something that works quickly because he will get ill again and am back to work in 10 days. But at the moment he has a NASTY cough.... So am just bfeeding all night to get him and us some sleep!

Once he is well I will be trying something!

Sigh. Mine slept through for one night since last posting. But it was just a cruel joke. He was up again at 3am last night for full feed...

I night weaned DS when he was 14mo. Could probably have done it sooner but DH wasn't available to help out at night until then.
Used the dr jay gordon method loosely but adapted it to suit DS.
The biggest thing that helped was getting DH to deal with the night wakings. There were lots of tears at first and I couldn't help going in and 'rescuing' sometimes but in the long term it's really paid off.
DH does offer him a bottle in the night if he wants it but I think, sod it, DS knows better than us if he's thirsty and he doesn't always drink it.
He's not a perfect sleeper yet (sleeps through one week on, two weeks off it seems) but as we're not up for the tough love approach, it'll take time.
The softly softly approach suits us but the results can be slow.

HI there, my lo stopped night feeds at around 4 months and slept through (and I mean from 7-6ish) But it changed when he started teething at 8 months, had growth spurts, colds. I'm now trying to see whether he needs a night feed by giving him a dream feed at around 10, and if he then wakes later during the night, I'll stay with him and comfort him or give some water. This is the plan, but then he got a cold again! In any case, here are two useful links:
www.babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=87815.0
www.babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=46907.0
I'll keep you posted...

Thank you all.... there are so many ways to do it and everyone has been very helpful. The cold is still causing tricky nights so we are just going with the flow (as I have been for 10 months!) and I think going back to work will be disruptive for a bit so I am going to postpone decisions just for now. The feeds will stop but not quite sure how yet. But I will keep everyone posted when I do take action!

Thanks to everyone!

Wow, mumsnet! So glad I read this one!

Have been doing a cold turkey sort of bedtime routine as recommended in 'Your Baby Week by Week' written by a paediatrician my mum knows at the Institute of Child Health. It's like controlled crying but you don't go in and check because she suggests that's a bit of a tease - you try to check on baby without them knowing you're there. Anyway, it took about 4 days, and we have a good bath-feed-story-bed (while still awake) routine now. Get between 30 secs and 5 mins of wailing and then he's sound asleep.

So the next challenge was the night feeds. I was dreading this. I'm already back at work and there is only so long I can run on 5 hours net sleep. All last week he'd be asleep from 10-1am and then up about every 90 minutes.

Read this page yesterday and thought, right, that bit about the four-hour stretch is going to be right for us. He went to sleep at 8pm and I crept into bed at 23.30 (we only have one bedroom) knowing that I only had half an hour until I'd likely be up comforting/feeding him. Well, he started wailing at 23.45, drat, and so I was torn between "well, that's nearly four hours" and "no, I will stay strong". By midnight, he was doing that wail-whimper-silence-wail-whimper-silence thing. I left him, fairly sure that he was settling himself back off to sleep.

And the next thing I knew it was 5AM!!!

(I know, one swallow doesn't make a summer).

That is brilliant Lexilicious - were you trying to stretch him to 4 hours? Keep us posted on your success.

dycey I was trying to make 4 hrs the minimum as I knew he had regularly slept for that long previously, IYSWIM. And then he just self-settled for the rest of the night.

You are right that the cold is having an effect - we are keeping the heating on overnight now. Also he has had a snotty nose today so that might cause problems tonight.

I do see the logic in the idea that various things you do thinking you're soothing them are actually making a light stirring into a full wake-up. For example we think that he has been roused a bit out of deep sleep when we have turned over or made a noise in our sleep, so putting him in his own room when we move house soon (fingers crossed) should help.