HELP! 19 mo good sleeper transforms into cot screamer

[Yankunian]

My 19mo dd is usually a good sleeper - generally goes down without a whimper at 7:30 and sleeps through til 7, happily goes down for naps, etc. But just over a week ago she transformed into a screaming terror at bedtime. She's fine until we put her in her cot, then stands up and howls. Nothing will calm her.

We've tried going back to the pick-up, put down method that worked when she was small and it's a total disaster. Doesn't work at all, she screams and pops up again. Staying in the room seems to make no difference either. DH ends up bringing her downstairs where after an hour or two she falls asleep on his shoulder and can be brought to the cot. She then wakes again at 1 or 4 and screams some more - sometimes we then can't get her back to sleep at all. Naps in the cot are out - it's the same story. She'll only nap in her pram or in the car.

We are both like zombies (and I am pregnant with number 2 so am zonked anyway). Has anyone had this before? Does she have some kind of psychological aversion to her cot? Could all this be caused by her last 4 back molars moving up? (They don't seem to be bulging out yet but it's so hard to tell) It is a complete nightmare!

My son did exactly the same thing a few months ago but he stopped almost as quickly as he started without any obvious reason. It may be nothing, maybe she had a bad dream recently and is worried about falling asleep and having another one. It could also be teeth or even growing pains which are worse at night when lying down. Hopefully she will settle soon. Good luck!

we are having just this issue with 17mo ds.

he has always gone down without any problems although he has not been a sleep-througher regularly (though it has been much better lately).

NO idea how to tackle this. some friends tell us to let him cio, others say stay with him... No idea what to do. dd was a dream at night so this is all a baffling new problem for us!

Dd3 is now going through exactly the same, and I'm afraid we are resigned to it just being one of those phases they go through.

I think there are a lot of developmental changes at around 18 months, to do with how they relate to other people and their perceptions of themselves. They realize that there is a world and a family beyond their bedroom door, and they want to be part of it. Plus there are the problems of teething etc to wake them up in the night, and once they are awake they want company.

I know dd3 will grow out of it, just like our older dcs have done - but it is jolly exhausting going through it. We do go and check on her if she's upset, but we try not to get her up or take her out of her room, because that just sets up an expectation in her mind that we will do that, when really we want her to learn to settle herself off to sleep again.

I wouldn't worry about your dd having a psychological problem with her cot, beyond not liking the fact that she's on her own in it. But if you want her to learn that it's OK to be on your own in the night, and that you can settle yourself off back to sleep again, you need to help her do that gradually eg. going in to her every few mins and reassuring her, but not taking her out of her cot/room, extending the period of time between visits so that she eventually drops off by herself.

It is exhausting for you, but it won't last forever, and it's worth perservering with good sleep habits in the long run.

fatsatsuma - that helps me a lot. Reassures me that the plan of action we are going to start tonight is the right one. Fingers crossed.

I will be thinking of you as we go through the same thing

I think it helps to remember the big picture - lots of 1-2 year olds are poor sleepers, but most 4-5 year olds aren't. Remember the mantra "this too will pass..."

If you are calm and consistent in the way you handle her night time issues (most of the time) she will soon learn to love her cot again. My older dc's are brilliant sleepers now, but we went through tricky phases with both of them at different times.

That's really helpful, thanks. We have ended up instinctively taking that approach (after a few false starts) and it seems to be working. The night before last we let her cry in her cot, checking in to comfort her every ten minutes. After 35 agonising minutes she fell asleep. And curiously last night she went right down without a single whimper and slept for 12 hours. So perhaps we are on the way out of this bout.

From the start it felt to me like something that was caused by an outside factor we had little control over (teething or developmental changes) and that it would eventually go back to normal. Since I posted the original message I've done some more reading on the internet and found a lot of helpful stuff about sleep regressions around 18 months. This post on the Ask Moxie blog was especially helpful: www.askmoxie.org/2006/04/qa_18month_slee.html

It is such a difficult thing to deal with, though, and from the sound of it it can go on for quite a while. Good luck to the other sleep-deprived parents out there!

To update on our progress:
On Sunday night it took 50 mins of me sitting outside ds's (ajar) door ssshhinng him.
Monday dh sat there for maybe 20 mins then ds started chattering to himself
Tuesday onwards it has gone down and down to maybe max 2 mins. He is not going down happily and silently as he was before this started but he gets that bedtime is bedtime and although we are "there" (outside" we are not going to keep picking him up/giving more milk.

we have decided to night wean him at the same time - so (mwah ha ha) dh is on night time duties. Only had about 3 wake ups this week though and i think 2 have been before we were in bed and although it took maybe 15-20 mins, ds clearly gets that there is no milk and is merely protesting rather than being desperately upset.