Help needed desperately with 13 month old DD's sleep... DC2 due in 8 weeks

[Phee96]

DD is 13 months old and has never slept through the night, apart from a brief period of about 3 weeks when she was 11 months old so I know she CAN do it.

Most nights she wakes 2-3 times but lately it seems to be every hour or two. Last night it took up to 40 minutes to settle her each time she woke and she was awake from 1.30 to 5am then up for day at 7.30.

We follow the same bedtime routine each night whenever possible (bath, pj's and grobag on, bottle of milk in rocking chair then into bed). I think the main problem is that she doesn't really know how to settle herself as she has always been put down asleep. She now only naps in her pushchair, usually for 1.5 hours at a time. She has been fighting the second nap some days but I'm sure she still needs it as she sleeps better at night when she has two naps.

We had her 12 month check yesterday with the HV and of course her suggestion was CC. She seems to think DD is reliant on the motion of the chair/pushchair/car to fall asleep. She also suggested that it might be a good chance to get rid of her dummy too. DD has a taggie blanket for comfort so maybe it is time to get rid of the dummy.

So, before we resort to CC, has anyone got any suggestions on how I can teach her to settle herself and go to sleep in her cot by herself (both at naps and bedtime)??

I also meant to say that I can't really see a reason for her waking. She has been walking for months, she doesn't want feeding, she sometimes has a drink of water but doesn't really seem to want it. She's not too hot/cold and she's not ill at the moment. She's got no teeth yet but doesn't really seem to be showing any signs of teething at all. All she seems to want is a cuddle and rocking back to sleep

hi i am sorry to say that from what you have described, your LO has become accustomed to being rocked to sleep. you have become her prop to fall asleep and whenever she comes into light sleep, she needs you to send her back to sleep.

it will be hard for her to learn but it can be done. there will be crying involved. if you cannot bear her to cry then you have no choice but to continue with what you are doing now.

there are many different levels of crying and with a combination of gradual withdrawal, shushing, and patting, with lots of patience, she can be taught to sleep in her cot and settle herself.

Hi phee, you must be really tired with being pregnant too, Has your DH tried putting your DD down? If not maybe worth a try. When I had DD1 the mw told me not to rush at her everytime she cries and if she cries then pauses shes just trying me out, I have kept this advice in mind with both DD's and they usually stop after a few mins (obviously you know when the crying changes). Has your DD got a toy for her cot that lights up and plays lullabys, mine like the winnie the pooh that sleeps on a pillow and it talks and plays like water sounds with birds and such like. I take it you have tried shushing her and stroking her while she is in bed without lifting her. Sorry not being much help am I good luck anyway.

Hi
We also have a DD who is nearly 13 months. She has started waking again at night usually just once but often awake for 1-2 hours. No idea why, could be teeth, doubt its hunger as she eats like a horse and she goes into her cot wake for naps and at the start of each evening and settles herself so I don't think its sleep association. I think she just wakes and wants us to come and help her get back to sleep. I think ellielou has some good suggestions. Don't withdraw all the comfort in one go but put her in her cot to sleep and don't lift her out, just rub her back or sing to her or stroke her face until she drops off. Once she's got that cracked do gradual withdrawal.

All that said I think after New Year we are going to do controlled crying to get DD back to sleeping through.

Probably not much help but i hope you find something which works for you.

My little darling (20mo) has also had problems with sleep, as we also rocked him to sleep, then carefully decanted him into bed, etc. However, the Baby Whisperer is very sensible and humane about withdrawing your support, in such a way that you (feeling hormonal as you are) won't feel like you are murdering the poor LO. After all, BW, points out, we have conditioned our LOs to certain expectations, and it's not kind to suddenly abandon them (the expectations, not the child).

However, I must note that there has been an element of controlled crying in the way things have developed with DS, as sometimes he starts up at 5:30, which is really too early. The BW does counsel leaving a child for a bit to settle, but to be honest, sometimes I am so tired that the "a bit" is "a bit" more like CC! However, I have only done this after he did demonstrate he could settle himself, so my conscience is almost clear.

Sitting in a comfortable chair and singing/reciting a story/ repeating "sleepytime" while the little one is in bed complaining was another part of the new routine which also worked for me.

By the way, it is interesting that DH and MIL still almost rock DS to sleep, but DS knows what to expect from me, and lie down (even if not asleep) happily when I do it. It took a lot of patience, though!

Just a thought: as a preparation for the arrival of the new baby, maybe you could start a new practice of reading a bedtime story in the near-dark, AFTER DD is in bed, after milk and everything else. It will be your special time, which she has with you thanks to the new baby's arrival. You can also record your reading books, so she can play them for herself at other times.

Good luck with the sleep, and also with the new baby!