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Sleep

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Original poster

Co-sleeping with 13 month old boob monster when will I get a good nights sleep??

24 replies

barbareebaahumbug · 27/12/2009 22:26

Just need a bit of a moan if you don't mind...
I co-sleep with my ds on a double mattress on the floor of his room. I totally think it's the right thing for him but am getting a bit weary now of the situation. I suppose I just don't want to have half my body exposed in these arctic temperatures or have someone chewing on my nipple half the night (ok not chewing but am fed up!)
I am not going to do any sleep training, this is how it is but blurgh. I want to snuggle down. When will I ever be able to do that?
So tell me, if you co-sleep, when (what age dc) can you just sleep normally (under duvet)? When will he stop wanting boob? Ever? Please tell me some happy stories of how good co-sleeping is so I feel more positive!
TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

thisisyesterday · 27/12/2009 22:30

am pretty sure you can use a light duvet now.

no comment on the wanting boob or getting a full night's sleep though

Original poster

barbareebaahumbug · 27/12/2009 22:44

I know. He is never just magically going to not want to feed during the night is he?
fah.
I do use a duvet, just round my waist (brrrrrrrr) but sometimes it creeps up. He is big tho- in 18mth-2yr clothes now.
Sorry. am not sure what I want from this thread. I suppose just that it will get better. somehow.

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thisisyesterday · 27/12/2009 22:52

am sure they say you can use a cot duvet for children over a year, so am sure you can use yours properly over you (and him) now

and just have an extra blanket on you if you need it

it will get better, it'll just take time. i know someone whose 3 year old was still waking regularly at night, but i know others who were going through between 12/18 months-ish, so i guess it's a how long's a piece of string question

Original poster

barbareebaahumbug · 27/12/2009 23:03

Yep I guess so.
We have some really good nights, I go to sleep listening to him breathing softly - bliss!
I think as long as boobs are there he will be after them!
I think we will be doing this for a long while yet but I miss:
sleeping with my dh
getting drunk!
And how will I ever cope with another? (if by some miracle I should become pregnant)
Sorry for moan. Think he is stirring now. gah!

OP posts:

cheesebaby · 27/12/2009 23:03

OP, how weird, I was going to post this very question a couple of days ago... I have been co-sleeping with my 11 mo in a grobag and me under my normal duvet, but in this recent cold snap I have, like you, got sick of being 1/4 out of the snuggle-zone. Added to which now she's more - ahem - mobile & forthcoming for her boob in the night, I was finding that she'd end up in her grobag AND under the duvet! So two nights ago I ditched the grobag all together and we now snuggle up under the duvet - lovely!

Hope you find a satisfactory solution.

thisisyesterday · 27/12/2009 23:06

well you know, there's nothing wrong with a bit of light sleep "training" imo, if you are ready for it.

not any leaving to cry or anything like that, but there are things you can do to maybe lessen the night feeds and to start helping him to settle back to sleep by himself (if you feel you're bth ready)

misdee · 27/12/2009 23:09

i have two blankts on my bed. one on my bottom half, and then a lighter one over the top, where dd4 sleeps snuggled upto me.

greenblanket · 27/12/2009 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

barbareebaahumbug · 27/12/2009 23:17

cheesebaby - that sounds great! Do you go to bed at the same time then? ds is in a gro-bag, I feed to sleep then sneak off for a little mn time! ds has also ended up in gb under duvet too. glad it's working for you!
Thisisyesterday - well sometimes I'm not so forthcoming with the boob and he cries a bit- sometimes he settles himself and sometimes he gets cross so I give it to him. I'm hoping over time he will decide that it's too much effort to demand boob but am not going to do anything rash! I think it's going to be a slowly slowly approach! Any tips?

OP posts:

Original poster

barbareebaahumbug · 27/12/2009 23:22

x-post!
misdee- blankets - that sounds like a plan. I guess you can tuck them right under, out of the way.
At the moment I am using a single duvet of high tog - a bit too bulky I think

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 27/12/2009 23:28

best tip is the pantley pull-off technique which i got from the no-cry sleep solution book

basically you always try and de-latch them before they fall asleep, if they cry then put them back on and then try again.
took a while for ds2 to get it, but it did eventually work and it was nice to know he could get to sleep by himself.
so that coupled with other "sleep cues" meant that quite often in the night i could get him back to sleep without feeding

i don't know if you've ever read the book but basically pantley suggests introducing lots of sleep cues, so a comfort blanket or toy, certain words or music you can say/play when they fall asleep (words are much easier if they're waking frequently!) and stuff like that,

we gave ds2 a blanket, and i used to pull him off and say "sleepy time now ds2" and snuggle him down. the idea is that they associate the objects and what you're saying with going to sleep and settle down easier.

it did work for us. I only used it to cut down on the night feeds as by 10 months he was still feeding hourly at night , but I think that with some determination i could have got him sleeping through as well.
as it is he has just started doing that at 2 years old!
nothing to do with boob though as he weaned while i was pg with ds3, but woke still during the night and just needing tucking back up

thisisyesterday · 27/12/2009 23:30

also, if he helps himself while you're asleep rather than crying and asking for it you can try wearing less accessible clothes, so he might try and not get anywhere and go back to sleep. or if he really wants milk he'll let you know!

RobynLou · 27/12/2009 23:36

I have a 2.5 yr old boob monster who feeds regularly through the night, so obv can't help wih sleep advice, but re keeping warm, I sleep in a dressing gown, snuggly and warm but easy acess for dd so she bothers me as little as poss when helping herself....

Original poster

barbareebaahumbug · 27/12/2009 23:48

Thanks for the tips!
He will settle himself from time to time if I unlatch him when he's awake (this was a halleluah moment!!) and of late i can sing 'twinkle twinkle' and it will either send him to sleep or make him irate!!!
TBH things are getting gradually better (compared to 6 months ago) just been feeling a bit down about it.
Will look into the Pantley book.
Robynlou - dressing gown sounds like a good plan too.
thanks for all responses! am going to attempt to creep into bed now!

OP posts:

cheesebaby · 28/12/2009 00:52

barbaree - yes we do; earlier in the evening she sleeps in a bouncy chair in the living room - a hangover from when she was tiny, and I prefer to have her with us than leave her in the b/room alone (prob a bit of pfb-ism going on here, but it suits us...).

She almost always gets boob'd to sleep, but will drop off by herself too. I couldn't tell you how often she feeds in the night - maybe 2 times b/w midnight and 8ish? A couple of weeks ago I thought I'd see if she would re-settle without boob in the night, but I found I was having to wake up too much to avoid giving her the boob - defeating the co-sleeping object somewhat.

missjackson · 29/12/2009 00:15

All three of us snuggly under the duvet here at 11 months. Ds is big boy too. Will also try Jay Gordon when I have the energy.

babymutha · 29/12/2009 22:18

Hello - ahh yes I know the feeling!My DD is 2 now and I think about 18 months I finally had had enough and spurred on by my sisters success (took her 3 days) I decided to stop night feeds. 2 months and much screaming later DD finally accepted that there would be no milk at night. It was hell. I think I started too early. But now she is happy to cuddle up in bed and go back to sleep.... eventually. Re the snuggle/duvet thing I found the best thing to be a combination of long sleeved thermals with low neck (or cut in a bit) coupled with a high necked fleece which can be yanked up and a duvet around the waist. V snuggly in this brrrrr weather. Good luck. One day they will all sleep. In their own beds. Without wanting milk. And we will think back so fondly of their little heads snuggled into our breasts in the freezing cold weather. Just not yet.
xxx

hellymelly · 29/12/2009 22:35

I used a duvet from the beginning pretty much,as did all my friends.I am still co sleeping with both girls (just turned five and two and a half)two year old still bf and still waking ! sorry!in fact the smaller one has only just this week nestled under the duvet ,she doesn't like covers usually(she has poss swine flu)and prior to this she was in a little woolly bag,as she is at the wall side of the bed.I could really do without the night feeds but I haven't the heart (or the energy!)for stopping them.I like them in the bed though.the older one does have her own bed but she prefers to sleep next to me.Was reading about Jo whiley and she has a big family bed and all four of her kids pile in with them,I thought this was lovely as the older ones are virtually grown ups.I like being able to reach out and just comfort her with a hand if she has a bad dream or something.Lord knows how I will get round to weaning though,I have asort of idea that I will stop around May when the little one turns three but I have no idea how to manage this,my older one just decided herself to stop,can't see guzzler no 2 doing that anytime soon.Is this helpful?probably not! I have had no sleep for a week due to the possible swine flu so I am a raving madwoman.

Original poster

barbareebaahumbug · 30/12/2009 22:57

I have had a couple of really good nights so feeling much more positive!
It is so lovely when everything is going well! Ds does seem to want to bury his face into my armpit, I do worry about him!
Hellymelly - when you had dd2 did you co-sleep from the start and bf both at night? I am starting to wonder what to do - am not pg but thinking about trying next year but can't imagine ds will want to give up his place in the bed or his boobs! How did you manage?
Thanks for all responses and lovely stories of happy co-sleeping!

OP posts:

Original poster

barbareebaahumbug · 30/12/2009 23:00

p.s - hope you feel better and get some sleep soon!

OP posts:

Imbacille · 30/12/2009 23:06

awww at these stories

bless you all

[misty smile]

sweetkitty · 30/12/2009 23:09

I have coslept with all 3 of mine, the last two were complete boob monsters, I got to 13 months and wanted a full nights sleep again, I was being wakened 5 times a night at least, they just wanted a 2 minute suck then back asleep, it was all about comfort not food.

I got all drastic and cut out night feeds altogether and it was surprisingly easy and relatively painless. What we did was when they first woke DP went to them, stayed with them, cuddled them, lay on the floor next to them so they were never left alone just no boob, I wasn't in the room so there was no boob at all. DD2 it took 2 nights, DD3 about 3, they weren't crying and all distraught or left to cry on their own. At 13 months they realised if they woke there was no boob and it was better to go back to sleep.

I adore cosleeping and I think there gets a time when you need your own space back a little.

On the cold front, I used to wrap the duvet round my arms and under theirs, knees up under them, duvet tucked around them tightly if that makes sense. I also had a bedside cot which helps a lot.

lindsaygii · 04/01/2010 19:50

I ignored the duvet advice, because it didn't make sense to me. When DS and I co-sleep (not all the time, but fairly often) I have him in his gro-bag, so he can't shuffle about much anyway, plus he is enclosed in the leg-arm cage created by my body. He doesn't overheat, and I'm warm enough.

I'm sure some of you will be outraged by this, but it works for us.

As for finding a way to sleep peacefully with a baby? I don't think there is one. I'm actively cutting the amount of night-time we spend together.

Frankly, I think any loss to him of not lying next to me all night (when he's asleep!!) is more than compensated for by the much better mood and longer patience I have for him when he's awake (because I got some sleep).

MrsMotMot · 04/01/2010 21:50

I have 14mo DS in his cot with one side down too- I shuffle over to him in the night and then shuffle away again (or more often just end up in his cot!) and it is working for us. I do worry about the night feeds though as I hope to go back to work soon (some night shifts). Hmmm...

On the cold front I wear thermals and expose only the tiniest bit of boob (thermal top up, vest down) and I just tuck my duvet around me carefully... plus I haul DH over to warm my back! On very cold nights I wear my dressing gown. HTH

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