I just don't see how I can go back to work with him waking every hour in the night

[roslily]

I am a teacher and supposed to be going back to work in 2 months, when ds will be 6 months old. His sleep is getting worse and worse and from at least 3am he will wake up every hour. He dfoesn't sleep during day either, but I just don't know how I will cope.

Any magic solutions? My neighbour and mum want me to try Gina Ford and leaving him to cry for a bit, have tried baby whisperer. I want to be a good mum and not leave him to cry, but I can barely function now, let alone a whoel day of year 10s!

Plus being back at work means bringing wotk hoem with me, so I won't be able to go to bed when he goes to bed.

Argh, getting myself so worked up about this.

can't help I'm afraid but bumping for you as although I have another 11 months before I go back this worries me even now.

I like sleep

4 month old is entirely different from a 6 month old and he might not be doing this at all. Also 4 months old is prime growth spurt time.

Failing that could you try to be poorer for a while and extend your leave?

are you full or part time?
I'm really lucky. Also a secondary teacher, but went back part time when DS was 7 months and somehow managed to get 3 days together (unheard of usually, i know!) so I have 4 days off all in one block.

This means I kind of struggle through the 3 days (stumble.... trip... falll....), but survive.

DS is 10 months old now and still wakes up at night up to... god... er...7 times last night??? but you just kind of do it.

And other things get easier as they get a little older.

Also... believe it or not, even a day of yukky Y10s/11s is sometimes less exhausting than a day with a 4 month old baby! yes really! good luck :-) and don't worry about it too much in advance. Deal with it when/if it happens....

Richard Ferber's book on solving your child's sleep problems is good. Personally we did our own version of controlled crying with DC3 by just stroking/gradually withdrawing out of the room.

You don't say if he is feeding at night, but when I was trying to drop night feeds, I sprayed myself with perfume to hide the smell of milk and just cuddled him to sleep. The first few nights were bad and I just logged onto mumsnet and held him until he stopped crying and slept, then I gradually started putting him back down awake etc.

Good luck!

From the other side of things, I did leave my dd to cry as she was waking hourly or more at 6 months. I did this when I was sure that she wasn't hungry, her nappy wasn't full and she was well.

It took 2 nights, and then she started to only wake when she was hungry - 2 times within 12 hours. By 19 months it was once a night, then she slept through from about 10 and a half months.

There were no ill effects whatsoever, it took 2 nights to change her sleep patterns and she is a happy and well-adjusted toddler now.

I thought of it this way - many times while out in the pram she would cry if overtired, and cry to sleep. I didn't take her out or fuss over her, just pushed the pram and let her get on with it. Doing it at night was surely no worse.

Only you know if this is the right thing to do in your case - for example, I have not done this with ds, but he has never fallen into a pattern of waking hourly or more often! He is up 3x a night max and feeds well each tyime so I am happy to carrty on like this.

I hope a different perspective helps you, good luck.

Controlled crying does work and it works relatively quickly. You'll have maybe two nights of hell followed by years and years of a full nights sleep. But then again it's a contentious issue and many would say it's cruel.

Also I would second what picc said, working is sometimes actually less exhausting than looking after a baby. I know when I went back to work after DS1 I was less tired than when I was looking after him full time. Never underestimate how knackering being a Mum is - it's one of the hardest jobs in the world!

Is your DS still in your room? If not, I would suggest moving him into his own, maybe a week or so before you start back. Sometimes having a quieter room helps, and also you won't wake to his every noise/movement. I did this with both DS1+2 before I went back to work, although they were better sleepers.

Good luck.

DD was a dreadful sleeper at 4,5, even 6 months but that was while she was still in our room so every snuffle we woke each other up. When she a) started eating solids, so not needing as much milk at night and b) sleeping in her own room, she slept much better. OK, she was still waking once or twice a night for a couple of months more but that is sooo much better than every hour! And now she sleeps pretty much 7-6.30 every night.

It really will get better! As coldtits says as well there is a mammoth growth spurt at 4 months and it's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is there, honest

I had this and was dreading going back to work, but amazingly dd suddenly got it at 6 months, literally in the days before I went back, she suddenly started sleeping better. So I echo what previous poster has said, there's a big difference between 4 months and 6 months.
It's hard though and you have my sympathy. I honestly don't know how we managed sometimes. Well I do, we were both exhausted and just held it together. It gets better.

Thanks. I just feel so desperate for sleep sometimes that it feels neverending.

He feeds at 10.30ish and then again at 2am. After that he wakes up all the time, but isn't hungry (i have tried feeding him) sometimes he will settle quickly but wake up again.

Have exactly the same with DS sometimes. First part of the night good, second part awful.

Firstly, I do have to echo the others and say it's likely to get better.

We've always just gone with the flow, and DS has "good" nights and "bad" nights depending on teething/ whether he has a cold etc (but friends with "sleeping through" babies also have these problems!!)

But.... overall, he has many more nights when he wakes "only" twice than he used to (if that makes sense).

And when he has nights like you've just described, we just bring him into bed for the last 4 or 5 hours. When he's not hungry and is just unsettled, I hug him until he falls asleep again.

He cries a bit, but it feels better.

I'd really say dont worry too much cos, like everyone says, a 6 month old baby is very different to a 4 month old one.

But also, just do what feels right for you. And if that's CC or co-sleeping or... whatever... so be it! it's your baby you're talking about!

The vast majority of 6 months old wake at night. I personally think that waiting until they are a year old will ensure that you will probably be having a full night sleep and be ready to go back to work. I personally wouldn't do CC before they are a year, it is quick then and I never had to repeat it. There is alot of teething that leads to wakefulness in the 6-12 month period. Can you extend your maternity leave, get a holiday period from your mortgage etc...

I am the major wage earner and we cannot afford for me not to go back to work. I would love to take the full year and work would fully support that. We can't take mortgage holiday as we are in negative equity to mortgage company have turned us down.

Ds was a (wonderful) mistake, so we were not prepared with savibgs etc. We were gonna start trying ofr kids in about 2 yrs.

Then you need to get your DP to deal with the night wakings.

He doesn't sound like he has learnt to self settle. Does he go to sleep on his own or do you help him. Do a routine put him to bed and leave him to settle himself - he will cry but very unlikely for more than 10-15mins. The earlier you do it the better. It doesn't guarantee a full night sleep but he will definitely wake less.

My DS started sleeping better (and during the day) immmediately he ws having 3 meals. I had introduced the meals too slowly as it was such a production to get him to eat that it seemed he hated food. Lo! When breakfast (the last meal) was introduced, he slept more! Your darling is still only little so there is no telling what might happen once you wean.

P.S. Don't panic about weaning; too early is too early if you think it is, but it will happen sooner or later.

You could consider co-sleeping instead of controlled crying. I am back at work for an intensive but short term contract, and am really loving the time with my 11 mo DS that co- sleeping gives us - even though we are both sleeping for the night, I still wake up feeling like we've had lots of quality snuggle time

Don't know if this would help but I have a friend called Josie whose 18 month old never slept through the night. I suggested she see if Sleepytot could help cause they helped me ages ago and her son slept through by night four without controlled crying. Obviously all kids are different but it might be worth a try?