Ok - daytime naps total disaster. How long can I leave a 5 month old to cry for?

[LittleDoe]

I'm tearing my hair out with my 5 month old DS's daytime naps - or severe lack of. I try every day to put him down in his cot knowing that he is fed, warm, clean nappy etc AND TIRED but this is just constantly met with major crying fits that just get worse and worse and worse until I give in and pick him up and give up till next time. The whole thing is a complete nightmare. As I type he is screaming his little head off upstairs and I am just at my wits end with the whole thing. I know he needs sleep as he is quite a cranky baby when he's not slept - otherwise I would just accept that he is a baby that doesn't sleep.

I generally don't leave him to cry for any more than 10-15 mins - can I / should I leave him longer?

I'm currently trying a white noise CD but I think he is crying so loudly he can't hear it! Also am trying to put him down before he is overtired but nothing seems to work. Yes he'll nap in the buggy (after a while) this isn't really a long term soluction and I really really want him to learn to nap in the cot.

I would very much welcome any advice or reassurance....

Sorry I can be of no help for you as I have never been strong enough to let my babies cry for more than 2/3 minutes, if that! I simply cannot imagine let them cry for 10/15 minutes, let alone any longer!

Just because he won't drop off in the cot now doesn't mean he will never be able to do this. I ended up carrying my ds round in a sling although he was getting heavy at this age.He would sleep in the sling.

Tbh my DS didn't get the whole concept of naps until he was nearly 1. For most of his first year I was lucky if he slept 40 minutes at a time in his basket or cot - no matter what I did (shushing/patting/warming the bed beforehand etc.) he would ping awake after 40 minutes and there was no getting him back to sleep. It did my head in, not just because he was so tired but because I barely had a minute to myself.

However, he would sleep for hours in the sling or the pram, and would also kip longer if lying on or snuggled up next to me. So we just did that (leaving him to cry wasn't an option for me) and I had to trust that sooner or later he would learn how to nap in his bed. No one was more surprised than me when he did! Now he is 16mo and naps beautifully in his cot

Please try not to worry too much about this right now. 5mo is still so young, he doesn't know anything about the world yet and is still learning about sleep, day, night etc.

Could he be overtired? Could you try putting him down earlier? Or try snuggling up on the bed with him while you both have a rest.

You may not think buggy is a long term solution but we still resort to this for DS 17m when he goes through a cot-refusal stage. There's really no reason for him not to nap in a pram if you can make it work for you both.

I could not get dd to sleep anywhere but my arms for the first few months, then we had to stop because she was waking up after only 20 minutes... have you tried sitting with ds with your hand on his tummy and just sssshing him? I could never leave dd to cry endlessly, so I would leave her for 8 minutes (I know it sounds a mad number ) then if she was still shouting (I like to think she is not upset, just tired and frustrated) I would go in and sit ssshin her and she would eventually go off. Each time got less and less and dare I say it, now she doesn't need ssshing/tummy rubs unless she gets unsettled at night time.

It is awful stressing about their sleep. Everyone says to relax (that is not a dig about other comments) but it is impossible, well, I found it impossible. Still do somedays, once you get one thing cracked something else challenges you

Good luck

littledoe that is tough, but at his age, a few minutes of crying is long enough. have you tried shushing, patting? and coming back a few mins later and doing it again? sounds like he could be overtired?

5 mins max at that age imo.

Thanks everyone.

I really do hate leaving him to cry but I guess I just don't "get" why he won't nap during the day in his cot when he is generally fine going off to sleep there at night. I know lots of babies are like this though.

He has never been a good daytime sleeper - on a good day we will get maybe two 45 min naps - and this is generally in the pram although occasionally in the cot (usually if I feed him to sleep and manage to transfer him without waking). This just doesn't seem enough daytime sleep for a baby of his age!

DH says I should just accept that he won't nap there during the day but it does drive me insane.... I keep thinking that if I persevere he will eventually get the hang of it.

Honestly LittleDoe, my DS was just the same and I really sympathise, it drove me insane too. All my friends' babies seemed to have long luxurious naps several times a day, leaving plenty of time to get things done, while I felt guilty about how tired DS was and how I'd like to enjoy a hot cup of tea every once in a while But I do believe that babies learn to do things in their own time. DS just seemed to get the hang of it when he was ready and now he mostly sleeps through the night and loves going to bed in the evenings.

Hang in there

45 mins x 2 during the day isn't bad. They get better at it, generally, I believe. It's completely natural for him not to want to be left to sleep in a cot, away from you - in fact it shows a good strong survival instinct! Out in the wild world, babies need to be next to their mothers to survive. At 5 months he is too young to understand that he's safe without you... but eventually he will - in his own time. Hang in there.

I can't nap in the day either, and it's because I hate to think I'm missing out on things! I ascribed the same feelings to DD when she wouldn't sleep in her cot and let her nap in her pushchair downstairs while I get on with doing whatever I'm doing. Has the added value of getting her used to sleeping with a bit of noise. It's probably nonsense but it's how I made myself feel better about not doing the conventionally 'proper' thing (i.e. what I said to my mother when she criticized it!).

Thanks - lots of helpful chat here.

Think I will persevere with trying to get him used to daytime naps in his cot but at the same time try not to get too stressed when they don't happen. Incidentally, I am also rubbish at sleeping during the day even when I'm exhausted so maybe he gets it from me!!

Trouble is he won't nod off even in his little baby seat or baby gym in the house - I really do need to take him out for a walk or in the car for him to sleep - don't mind doing that once a day but I do get a little fed up wandering the streets with him...suppose it keeps me fit.

Think I'm just a bit down about the whole thing at the mo, as one of my friend's told me this week her 4 month old DD is having 2 naps a day in her cot and sleeping through from 11pm to 7am....I know it's no good comparing babies but when you're really knackered and sleep deprived it's hard not to! (DS is much cuter than her though....did I say that??!)

i have one like yours littledoes - she's nearly 6 months. She does not do napping in the day - will conk out in pushchair or on playmat occasionally but only for 10 mins or so. I put her the cot cot when she is tired and fed etc. but no dice all yells so i go and get her again. She sounds like she's going off but can't quite do it. It does my head in a bit as DD1 was so easy and did everything by the book - this one is so different.

She is also still waking for a feed every 2 hours at night though, so hope that helps to offset your friend's baby

I also have a DS who would never nap in the cot, but has suddenly (aged 8.5 months) started to quite happily. We have tried regularly (i.e. for about 1 week per month) his whole life, with no success. So, for 8 months, I have walked him in the buggy or driven him in the car for all his naps. Knackering, but I couldn't see an alternative.

Then, suddenly, he decided it was ok on Sunday and has done 5 days of cotnaps beautifully. Just at the right time, as there's no buggy/car options with a foot of snow outside the house at the moment.

So, hang in there. It will just happen

Well DD2 has just gone down for a nap in her cot!

She was up every 1.5 hours in the night though, so i suppose the poor little thing is tired

Have you tried pick up/put down as descrbed in baby whisperer book? We started this at 5 months and we've gone from baby only napping when being taken out in pram to doing all naps in cot. Some days there is still a fight back but she does nap. We don't leave her alone tocry think 5 months is too young to understand why they'd be left alone.

A little progress has been made...Christmas Eve we got 2 naps in the cot, Christmas Day 1 nap, then yesterday and today 1 nap each! Woo hoo!

Just need to keep putting him down I think so he gets more and more used to it. I haven't been leaving him to cry tho - left him for a bit too long one day last week, he eventually did fall asleep but woke up after 10 mins so I'm not doing that again. I'm glad in a way that it didn't work as it is far too stressful.

It is sooo lovely when they go to sleep in the house, isn't it....?

Might try the baby whisperer thing too though.