Reluctant co-sleeper needs reassurance

[naturelover]

DS is 3.5 months, in the last couple of weeks I've brought him into my bed in the night in desperation, as he wouldn't settle in his cot (which is right next to the bed). I think a combination of things have bothered him: a cough/cold, his jabs, the cooler temperature in his room (now fixed) and I suspect he's having a growth spurt now to make up for not feeding as much when he had a cold - he certainly seems to be feeding more in the last couple of days.

While I like the idea of co-sleeping (although DH does not), I'd prefer it to be short-term not long-term, especially since I'm not geared up for sharing a bed with him once he can roll over. Right now I'm relying on his inability to roll to keep him safely in bed with me. I was paranoid about him suffocating (as I like to sleep under thick duvet up to my chin) but I've solved this by sleeping under single duvet tucked under me, and have DS in his own grobag.

Right now DH is in other bedroom and we'd ideally like DS to sleep in his own room alone by the time he's no longer feeding at night - he's bf by the way. This is what we did two years ago with DD (she was 5 months old when she no longer woke to bf in the night). DH is a light sleeper and has never slept in same room as baby, and obviously we'd like to share a bed again soon for the sake of our marriage/intimacy.

I suppose I'd like reassurance that I can meet DS's need to be close to me now without creating a metaphorical rod for my own back (to use an expression I hate) in the future. Is it harder to get them into their own cots, the longer you co-sleep?

Thanks in advance.

First off - have you seen the guidance from Baby Friendly about how to co-sleep safely? Its available at www.babyfriendly.org.uk/pdfs/sharingbedleaflet.pdf

I ended up bringing my daughter into bed in desperation as well and found it so much easier than our son was in bed from the start.

They will all sleep alone when they are ready - my son who was in with me from the beginning was a much better sleeper than our daughter - who we'd tried everything else with first.

One thing that can help is if you can remove the side of the cot - even though it may not be any closer, being able to reach a hand out and comfort them can help, which you can't do with a barrier there.

If you meet DS's need to be close now, then it won't come back later (worse!) I have friends who insisted I was making a rod for my back when my little ones were tiny and sleeping with me, but later on the tables were reversed as my two are now happily sleeping in their own rooms and their 4, 5 & 6 year olds are waking and coming into their parents room now....

So I'd say relax and go with the flow and you'll be rewarded by a happy, content child in the future

www.babyfriendly.org.uk/pdfs/sharingbedleaflet.pdf

My DD co slept with me until 6 months as i bf too.
I found that having something i've worn that had my 'scent' on placed under her head when put down to sleep gave the comfort required.

I was going to recommend the Unicef site that BE posted. I co-slept with my dd out of desperation for the first 6 months when she was a pretty terrible sleeper and had the same worries as you. We moved her in her own room as 6 months and she immediately slept better and hasn't been back into our bed since. I co-slept with Ds from the start and he now does most of the night in his cot (6.5 months). 3.5 months is very young and his needs will change. Since ds has started the night in his cot, dh and I start off inthe same bed and then one of us de-bunks when ds wakes up, which is halfway there!

I co-slept with my DS from 2nd night home from hospital. I never thought I would but it was the only way we were going to get any sleep at all.
DH is a noisy sleeper and 18st so he slept in the spare room.

When DS was about 12 weeks, we put his cot into our bedroom next to my side of the bed and took the side off the cot and shoved it up against my side of the bed so that the mattresses were adjacent. When he woke in the night I could then have him next to me without danger of him rolling out of bed. (He was an early roller and I wonder whether it was the incentive of getting close to me that encouraged that )

At about 20 weeks, we put the side of the cot back on and started a strict bedtime routine. This was fine except that DS ended up back in bed from about 1am every night so DH went in the spare room again.

DS is now 7mo and 2 nights ago we put him in his own room for the first time and DH moved back into our bed. Night one and DS woke at 11pm for a feed and then slept til 5am. Lsat night he slept from 8-5!!!

I guess I just wanted to reassure you that you won't be tied to co-sleeping for ever!
I hate it when people have asked me how DS sleeps as I feel [hblush] talking about co-sleeping but I think more people do it than admit to it tbh.

Thanks everyone.

In RL I know a fair few people who co-sleep. At my local La Leche League group I am the only non-co-sleeper.

The last couple of nights DS has been unsettled even in bed with me so I wonder if he's feeling unwell? He's feeding a hell of a lot so am hoping it's nothing but a growth spurt.

If I didn't know better I'd assume I didn't have enough milk as he feeds so much and my breasts feel soft and small - but I bf my daughter for over a year so I know this is ok.

People in RL will start telling me to wean him at this rate, as he's a big boy and clearly my milk "isn't enough for him"

Anyway I like the idea of moving the cot alongside and take one side off, and trying to get him at least used to the cot. The strange thing is that two weeks ago he was feeding twice only at night and settling back in his cot straight afterwards... so this is probably a phase.