3 week old only sleeps when held...

[Flowerface]

My 3 week old DD will not sleep in her moses basket AT ALL. Even if I hold her until she is completely dead to the world before putting her down, she immediately starts to flail about and grunt restlessly, or to scream. This ends up with me going to sleep in bed holding her, which I know is not safe, and the whole thing is really giving me the stress. What should we do? She is quite colicky - not sure whether this is related. I have tried propping up one end of the moses basket, and rolling up towels at the edges to make it more enclosed. I have also tried swaddling, with no success at all - she immediately wrestles her way out. My Mum has suggested warming the bed with a hot water bottle first, which I will try. Does anyone have any other suggestions? It is really really worrying me, as no matter how hard I try to stay awake while holding her, I end up waking with a start a couple of hours later...

Is she bf?

Co-sleeping in a bed is dangerous if you smoke, are drunk or on drugs, are overweight. Are you any of those?

If you are bfing, it can be so much easier if you do co-sleep.

have you tried laying her on something that smells of you like a tshirt?

Use a swaddle blanket with velcro - I was rubbish at swaddling. Possibly psyche yourself up and use Baby whisperer 'pick up, put down' technique until she will settle (she will - this is just a phase).

Do you leave her to grunt & flail ever? My DD always has a good flap about when she lays down, I pick her up if she cries but if it's just a little grumbling I leave her and she often falls asleep.

Just support here - I feel for you. My first did this, I ended up co-sleeping, even thought I really did not want to. I just want you to know it is not you; I have just had another baby, she sleeps almost all night from birth.

It is just that babies are different. People who are against co-sleeping, safe co-sleeping, have probably not experienced the level of sleepless nights that you are.

Do what you have to do to stay sane. I hope you can find it!

My four week old is exactly the same. If I'm lucky I get an hour with her in her bouncy chair during the day if she can hear people moving about. I think you just have to let them have the contact they want, they are only tiny and it won't last forever. Use a sling in the day and read up on co-sleeping.

mINE WERE BOTH LIKE THIS.i HAVE NO ANSWERS APART FROM CO SLEEPING,THEN EVENTUALLY THEY TOOK TO SLEEPING IN THEIR COTS

buggering "caps lock" sorry for shouting!

My dd2 was exactly like this. I slept with her on my chest for the first 3 or 4 weeks. Then I gradually managed to ease her onto the bed, still touching me. A couple of weeks later, I began inching her further away from me. She's now 3 months and we're still co-sleeping, but she has her piece of bed and I have mine. DH has been ousted to the spare room to give us enough space.

I think the only sleeping on you thing is pretty common in newborns but does tend to get better after the first few weeks. Lots of my friends have had the same experience.

If you want to try swaddling again, I once used "miracle blankets", from mothercare. They are incredibly difficult for babies to escape from.

Thanks everyone. I have had mixed messages about the co-sleeping - our HV was very negative about it. I am not drinking, a smoker or overweight, and DP sleeps in the spare room at the moment. But it still worries me...

My DP has an excellent method of swaddling, both our babies have loved it, although it does look a bit odd. He lays the blanket out on the floor or bed, puts the baby on the edge, holds their hands in, then rolls them over and over, wrapping them up. We use a light blanket for this so they don't overheat, but they seem to find it harder to escape from than the traditional method. DD2 will settle for, ooh, a good five minutes, using this method. It does help her sleep not quite as close to us though, she seems to just need some kind of contact, and sometimes is just satisfied with the sound of our voices for quite a while. I find it helps if it is a blanket we have been cuddling up together with, I suppose it must smell of me.

Hot water bottle to warm the Moses basket up first is a good one. After all , as my midwife said to me, would you like to be plonked down in a cold bed after you had got all warm and cosy cuddled up to someone?!

I wasn't keen on co-sleeping at first either but you are very tuned into your baby, I bf/sleep on my side lying down and don't move at all in between!

Another vote for swaddling here - DS was a flailer and constantly disturbing himself. We tried the miracle blanket, but found the SwaddleMe was much easier to put on and certainly kept our DS contained well enough.

Have you tried white noise (e.g. tumble drier)?

And some babies really love those huge swing things - although our DS didn't.

I never had much success with co-sleeping, although having a lying down feed at nap time was a bit of a lifesaver some afternoons for me.

Good luck - it doesn't last forever, promise .

Have you considered carnial osteopathy? Our DC1 was an awful sleeper and we just lived with it, but by DC3 we needed to try something new. The local NCT co-ordinator was a huge fan of this treatment so we tried it, and IT WAS WONDERFUL (no apologies for "shouting"), DC3 was immediately calmer and slept much better from about an hour afterwards.
I am a bit nervous promoting this as others may have had a diiferent experience, but we only heard good reports and and had a good experience.
Also as Beveridge says - warming the basket/cot first is a good tip, especially in this cold weather.

Agree with swaddling our DD was a flailer ( still is to a degree) the miracle blanket worked for us. Just on a side note she is too young for pick up put down try shush pat instead if you need something to help get her off to sleep.

Have you tried shush-patting her? We used to put DD in her hammock and pat back while shushing her (from baby whisperer). That way she may cry, but knows you are there. A course I did suggested babies can only concentrate on two things at once so they stop crying. Used to work in a few minutes. Good luck!

I have found that swaddling tightly (tighter than you think) really works, though it took me a bit of getting used to - you feel mean, but it does seem to make tiny babies feel more secure - I think you may not be doing it snuggly enough - have a look at 'the happiest baby' but harvey karp with diagrams! the other thing that seems to work which he suggests is white noise, and this certainly worked for my older two, though not for my little one. get an old radio, put it between stations so it just sounds crackly, and turn the volume up loud! warming the mattress is a really good idea, as well as making sure they are warm enough. I agree that sometimes they may cry a bit on and off before settling, but it is worth letting them settle themselves (unless they are really distressed obviously) - it may take quite a time at first, but good luck!

Thanks everyone. Will try swaddling again. I tend to become hopeless at the thought that it will be like this forever, we are setting ourselves up for a lifetime of broken sleep and are somehow crappy parents. I guess I have to remember that she is only three weeks old...

Hello, my baby is 8 weeks, and refused to sleep in the Moses basket to begin with.

We found a combination of pre-warming the blanket (midwife suggested a fleece blanket on the bottom of the basket, not a sheet), swaddling tight (have both the gro bag and Miracle blanket wraps, but roll him in his cotton blanket on top of that) PLUS a little bounce on our birthing ball before putting him down, does the trick.

He stopped needing the hot water bottle about 2 seconds after we bought another kettle to avoid so many trips down to the kitchen, and actually doesn't always need the bouncing at night. I am sure you can remove the crutches one by one.

Seems a long time ago now, but I remember that 'waking up when put in cot'. As suggested, swaddling will probably help, and/or warming the cot/basket beforehand - and when you put your baby in, because you are changing from moving around/motion while sleeping to no motion, I used to do strange slightly rocking/patting movement to get DS in the basket, then continue with the patting for a minute or two.

It won't be like this forever! But when you're sleep deprived it can feel like it. Sleep WILL get better and they will eventually begin to have some kind of routine that is more predictable.

If you do end up taking your baby into your bed and you (or your HV!) need reassurance, see these:
statement on bed-sharing www.babyfriendly.org.uk/items/item_detail.asp?item=106
Unicef: a bed with your baby www.babyfriendly.org.uk/pdfs/sharingbedleaflet.pdf

Aww Flowerface, 3 weeks is tiny. You really shouldn't worry too much about setting up bad habits at this stage - just lots of cuddles and doing whatever they need so that you all get as much sleep as possible.

For lots of people, but not everyone, it can get easier quite quickly. If you are one of the unlucky ones, keep posting and you'll get loads of support here.

Hello
If its any help to you my ds was exactly the same and now he is 6 weeks and is starting to settle in his moses basket much to my relief - was going mad as couldnt relax in bed holding him resulting in 0 hours sleep!!
Warming the matteress helps a lot. Are you bottle feeding? if so try dr browns bottles as they help a lot with the colic and he settles quicker after a feed. Also I recommend getting those baby sleeping bag thingys when she is big enough as if she is anything like mine she kicks the blankets off and then gets cold and cant sleep.
One more thing - I know this is hard but if you resist picking her put as soon as she makes a noise she might settle on her own. I have resorted to ear plugs as he is so noisy grunting and wriggling etc - if he starts to cry I can still hear him.

Good luck
xxxx

Just like to add that your HV has to say be negative when you mention co-sleeping or she risks her job by giving advice that her employers don't back up.

Plus if you are going to fall asleep with her then it would be much better to have planned for that with your bedding etc even if you don't intend to co-sleep as a parenting decision.

I spend a LOT of time getting newborns to go to sleep in their cots and this is what I do:

Swaddle snuggly so the baby can't move arms around.

Wait until soundly asleep then gently place in cot slightly on one side, just a bit so you can get access to her back.

Keep hold of baby with one hand and with the other pat her back gently until she's drifted back into a deep sleep.

Keep patting for another 30 secs or so then slowly ease baby back onto her back.

Keep holding onto her around her arms so she thinks she's being held and gently let go.

This usually works IMO and if not I would re-settle and try again.

Personally I co-slept with my last two babies and found it a life-saver; as others have said if you're breast-feeding, a non-smoker, not been drinking etc then there is no evidence of additional risk.