2 year old won't go to bed, DH and I can't agree on what to do

[chocolatestar]

DS is just over two and we are having a nightmare getting him to bed. He is still breastfeed so I feed him but he doesn't feed to sleep so he goes down awake. We then have endless getting up and screaming if I try and put him back to bed.

I was initially just popping him back each time he got up but then my DH started to go up and give him stories etc.

Tonight went like this - I bf him and told him a story then put him in bed. He got up and started to play at putting his teddy to bed for about half an hour. He kept lying down so I just let him get on with it thinking he might go to sleep eventually. He didn't. He then asked to go in my bed which doesn't bother me and I thought he was going to sleep so I came down stairs. Cue crying. DH tells me to just leave him to cry but leaves it to me to go up and down the stairs to keep putting him back in bed. DS starts to shout for his Daddy who goes up once and then starts blaming me for not getting him to sleep before. I go up a few more times and keep putting him back to bed and then DH goes up and shakes him to sleep.

I feel a bit pissed off with DH who always leaves me to battle with DS until the last bit where he gives in to him in some way. I don't want DS to cry but I feel we are being really inconsistant with what we do. I also end up feeling like shit at bed time as I am the one doing the horrible bit of putting him back in bed until DH comes up and does a rescue at the end.

I don't know what to do with it all really.

He needs to know when its time to go to sleep, at the moment its mixed messages. I would be consistent, stick with one partner at a time at bedtime - you could take in turns. After the feed, bath, story etc its lights off and time for sleep. If he gets up you just put him straight back to bed. No real conversation, no light on, just shh, time for sleep now. Repeat ad nauseam! I know its really difficult, and sometimes he will scream and you will feel awful but you will crack it eventually - it may take just one night, it might take a few nights. I wouldn't even go downstairs at first - wait upstairs quietly next door, then you can put him back in bed quicker if you hear him get up.

Thanks - that is what I had been doing and thought we should be doing but DH keeps messing it up and then blames me for him not going to sleep. I said to him we need to agree to either be firm and put him to bed or to stay with him and do stories etc until he goes to sleep but not this mish mash of both. He just says you can't just put him into bed because he gets too wound up and then won't go to sleep anyway.

I am annoyed with him and feel like a crappy parent myself.

Like Pinkteddy says. You need to be consistent, and boring! Agree with DH in advance what the bedtime routine will be (eg bath, feed, story, bed) and who will go in to comfort (eg you could take turns). Once in bed I would keep him in his room, go in every few mins to tuck in if necessary but keep lights off, be as quiet and dull as possible and don't let him wander around. Soon enough he will get bored and go to sleep!

Also, does he still sleep in the day? If he's faffing for ages after bedtime then it might be time to cut it out -- DS1 was a nightmare for bouncing around for hours after bedtime, but since he dropped his nap (at about 2.6) he goes down at 7 without a peep!

He is still having a nap. He is easier to get to sleep if he doesn't have it but he does struggle if he doesn't have it.