Sleep and breastfeeding

[sleepless2009]

I am still breastfeeding my two-year-old daughter and she will not fall asleep or sleep through the night without my breast.

She wakes up around seven times a night.

Can anyone advise about how to stop her dependence on breastfeeding? I am completely exhausted and although my husband wants to help, we cannot work out how, as our little girl insists on having me at bedtime and through the night.

We have never been able to do controlled crying.

Thanks for any advice!

Do you co-sleep?

I ask because I breastfed ds to age 3. We co-slept and there was a point (I think when he was around 2) that I stopped offering him the breast through the night, because the demand was getting tiring and too frequent.

I took the decision one day that whenever he woke up at night looking for the boob, I would offer him a cup of milk instead and gently explain that there would be no more boobie until the morning. He hated it at first and would bawl his little eyes out, but because he was in bed with me I was able to give him a reassuring cuddle and sing a little song until he dropped off. As I recall it took a couple of nights of singing 'Here we go Looby Loo" over and over again until the penny dropped and he just went off to sleep without even wanting a sip of the milk. For the next year I fed him first thing in the morning and last thing at night until one day he just forgot to ask for a boob at bedtime and the breastfeeding thing just stopped like that.

I hope that helps.

I only managed to stop night feeds by stopping the bf altogether when DS was 2.

I knew I wouldn't have the strength to say 'no' in the middle of the night, not after two years of utter sleep deprivation, if it was something I was still doing the rest of the time.

It didn't fix his sleep though, but it did mean DH could help a bit more. Hope things work out better for you. DS is a bit of an extreme case when it comes to sleep, so my experience is not typical - I think quite often no nightfeeding means better sleep all round.

I did it at around 2.4 and it was so straightforward that I wished I'd done it sooner. No tears, dd now never feeds at night (2.7) and she just a few short months ago she was feeding to sleep, feeding continuously through the night and we were all exhausted. She also self settles easily.

Try googling Dr Jay Gordon night weaning. It's aimed at co-sleeping families which we were at the time but not so much now. You can adapt it though.

I know it feels like it will never change, I remember that feeling well but it is possible.

Many thanks to you all for your help!

AccioPinotGrigio, we co-sleep. Our daughter won't accept the hugging and cuddling without the breast, unfortunately! She doesn't drink milk from a cup or a bottle. Singing or rocking without the breast upsets her a lot and she cries the house down, so I give up and give her what she wants in the end.

OmniDroid, did you stop bf at night by CC? I'd be happy to give up bf but we can't manage CC. Are there any other options?

LastOfTheMulledWine, do you think you succeeded because it was the right time and that it wouldn't have worked if you'd tried earlier? One thing we are thinking is maybe this will just happen at the right time and we maybe can't force it . Thanks for the name, too. I've started to look at his site.

Hello again.

I am a firm believer in sleep being linked to development. I do think if we'd tried sooner that it would not have worked. I would never have used cc, it goes against all of my natural instincts. I wanted bed to be a happy, safe place, not somewhere dd felt that she was forced to stay. We did a lot of playing in her bed and her room, talking about what would happen etc. We also changed the routine after the bath and stuck to it consistently. Straight to her room, pjs on, she chooses 3 books, turn nightlight on, read books, cuddle, bfeed, teeth brushed, lights out.

DD knows that if she wakes up and wants me then she comes through and gets in with us. I think the security and the gentle method means that she took to it very well. She's proud of her bed and her bedroom but knows that she can come and cuddle us in the night if she feels the need but no milk because milk is for in the daytime, not the nightime. She accepted it all readily.

DS had to be BF to sleep and woke about twice a night, looking for a BF to settle him until he was around 21 months. We'd tried leaving him to whinge a bit but I was unwilling to try CC. He'd also cry if my partner tried to settle him. The only thing that worked for us was when we agreed that I would be removed from the equation altogether! I stopped BFing, DP would put DS to bed and get up with him every time he cried, offer him a beaker of milk. Like your LO, DS never drank cows milk.... until I stpped BFing him then he got the hang of it!

I'm not sure if this would work for you as you are co sleeping. I just found that as long as I was there, DS would want BF.

Good luck with whatever you chose to do!

Thanks for all your replies.

I've stayed out for the last three evenings and my husband has managed to put our daughter down (with some crying but for no longer than three-five minutes at a time).

Wattinger - our case sounds just like yours. We're ready now to let my husband try to look after her during the night, but how did you remove yourself at night? In the evening we say that mummy went to work, but what can you say in the small hours so the little one doesn't feel abandoned?