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Original poster

Co-Sleeping with a new born - how did you do it?

24 replies

Southwestwhippet · 13/12/2009 09:03

I'm 35 weeks with first, I really want to co-sleep from the start, it just feels right to me. My mum co-slept with her last three and really rates it, she was very laid back by then thought and just had baby in bed, no worries.

As it's my first, I'm a bit more worried. I'm wondering about things like duvets v. blankets, baby in middle v. baby on edge (against wall), whether to use a gro-bag or not, how to wrap baby up without getting him/her too hot etc etc all the practical stuff. Even wondering if I should suggest to DP that he sleeps in the spare room for the first few weeks but I think that would make him feel really rejected???

So how did you do it? What worked for you?
thanks MNers

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SpawnChorus · 13/12/2009 09:14

With the first two I had a moses basket pushed up against the side of the bed, and had the baby sleeping on the edge of the bed (i.e. not in between DH and me). The moses basket was there just in case the baby fell out of the bed (they never did! ). I tried to keep them in their gro-bags on top of the duvet, but they quite often wormed their way in with me, so I'd remove the gro-bag just in case they over heated.

I also tended to sleep without a pillow and would wriggle down so that my head was level with theirs. If I fell asleep while BFing (lying down), the baby would be shielded from the pillows by my arm.

With DC 3 we started out with a proper bedside cot, which was great, and made it easier to police the grobag / duvet thing. We've now got a full-sized single bed pushed up against our bed, which is also working very well.

elvislives · 13/12/2009 09:33

I have co-slept with DD since birth. I did banish DH because he tends to fling himself about while asleep and I couldn't take the risk of him squashing her.

I slept on my side facing DD with my arm above her head (not a comfortable position), or put her higher up in the middle of the bed, well away from the pillows and on top of the duvet. She was covered with a cellular blanket.

TBH I wouldn't put the baby between you and the wall.

Rosebud05 · 13/12/2009 20:09

Unicef have some safe sleeping guidelines on their website - hope that this link works.
www.babyfriendly.org.uk/pdfs/sharingbedleaflet.pdf

neolara · 13/12/2009 20:15

I co-sleep with my 14 week old dd. Like elvis I banished my dh to the spare room, mainly because I then had more space so could put dd more centrally in the bed and not worry about squashing her or her rolling out. In the beginning though this was not such an issue because my dd would only sleep on me, so would sleep slighly propped up with her snuggling on my front.

Incidentally, after a week or so of my dh, dd and I all sharing a bed together, my dh was more than happy to move to the spare room. It meant he got a good night of uninterrupted sleep.

liath · 13/12/2009 20:16

I made sure the duvet was only half way up the bed - ie covering my legs, then had a blanket over my top half. I just had one pillow on the bed. DH did sleep in the spare room, he just didn't feel comfortable co-sleeping and TBH we all slept better that way - I instictively would sleep in the middle of the bed curled round ds and as he was a pretty frequent night-feeder it made a big difference not having to keep getting up to feed him.

winnybella · 13/12/2009 20:28

I think first week or so I was v.paranoid about it and slept with duvet only half covering me and put pillows far away from her. Then, though, because she was breastfeeding non-stop, I wasn't ever really sleeping and was constantly aware of her movements etc, so she was in PJs/ sleepsuit and I was on my side, her attached to my breast. I rested my head on my arm and the arm on the pillows and she was well below them. I covered myself with duvet, but probably not up to my neck iyswim. Now she's 10 mo and still wakes in the morning ( or the middle of the night, sometimes), I take her to bed and just make sure she is between me and dp at all times as she moves a lot now.
And also, before,if she was in gro-bag, I would dress her only in one layer as she would be covered by duvet.

winnybella · 13/12/2009 20:33

Also, no need to send your DH to sleep elsewhere, as long as he's not an extremely deep sleeper, or moves around a lot, or, obviously, would drink before bed or do drugs, as that is v.dangerous.
My DP was scared at first of squashing DD, but then he realised that he was, same as me, very aware of where she was.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 13/12/2009 20:39

We have a kingsize bed and basically we shoved the pillows up either edge leaving a good gap between. Popped baby in there with a light blanket to cover, and we had the duvet over us as usual. (Not covering baby)

When it came to bf I usually tried to feed on my side which just meant moving him a few inches. The only real problem with this arrangement is that dp occasionally rolled over and laid his elbow on the baby in his sleep. But I was so hyper-aware of what was going on I always immediately woke up and moved him.

This time round we do have a moses basket and a bedside cot, but I was considering getting one of these for the first couple of months.

greenblanket · 13/12/2009 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

countrybump · 13/12/2009 21:35

sorry for the one-handed typing, currently feeding!

i didnt plan to co-sleep, and i didn'y with my ds, but i'm so much more tired this time with dd, who is now 11 weeks.

dd lies in the middle of the bed - dh is in the spare room - and i lie facing her. her head is at boob height so she can feed and is well clear of the pillows. sometimes i have my arm around her, and sometimes i rest my head on my arm. i have the duvet over my legs and wear a cardi-type thing over my pj top - this one www.mothercare.com/M2b-Sporty-3-Piece-Pyjama-Set/dp/B002KA4946/sr=1-21/qid=1260739978/ref=sr_1_21/28 0-8761446-3766155?_encoding=UTF8&m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&n=42797041&mcb=core so i don't get cold. dd is in a gro bag.

incidentally, i've found breast feeding much easier this time, and think it is the co-sleeping that has helped this.

motomoto · 13/12/2009 21:37

get a bedside cot? think that's safest all round - can feed but then they have own sleep space

LaTrucha · 13/12/2009 21:47

Anyone used one of those little beds that you put in your bed? I'm trying to find a picture.....

LaTrucha · 13/12/2009 21:50

hubpages.com/hub/Deluxe_Snuggle_Nest_Cosleeper_Review

Ahhh! Don't we all look like that lovely family at 4am?

LaTrucha · 13/12/2009 21:53

God sorry.

LaTrucha · 13/12/2009 21:54

this

Original poster

Southwestwhippet · 14/12/2009 08:23

Thank you everyone, lots of good ideas here. I will have a chat with DP when he gets up (he is not a morning person!)

I can't wait - only 5 weeks til due date now

OP posts:

TeddyBare · 14/12/2009 09:38

We have a kingsized bed which helped, but we just squashed the pillows over to the side as far as possible, so there was a gap in the middle. dd then slept in a grow bag between us. We were more confident using 2 single duvets rather than 1 large one.

LittleWhiteWolf · 14/12/2009 09:52

I had DD in her moses basket up against my side of the bed. When she woke for her first nighttime feed I would often feed her on my side and often she would fall asleep with us in that position. It was July so I just had the duvet over my legs and DD would have a blanket swaddled around her. I pushed away my pillows so there was an empty space above her head so she didnt overheat. DH was perfectly comfortable with this arrangement. And even now that shes in her own room and is not waking for night feeds anymore, sometimes in the morning we still bring her into our bed, but between us on these occassions and sometimes the three of us have a morning snooze
I just always make sure I/we are turned towards her and I tended to bend my leg towards her to brace myself IYSWIM from rolling towards her. But TBH I was always aware that she was there.

janek · 14/12/2009 10:19

we had a bedside cot - i still had to sit up to feed her, but at least i didn't have to put my feet on the floor... but that's because i never really mastered feeding lying down.

she was generally very good, but if she wouldn't go down in her cot i would turn my pillow through 90 degrees, so there was only enough room for my head, with the rest of it up against the headboard, to make sure that it went nowhere near DD. same with the covers - she had a grobag and i slept under the very edge of duvet.

the bedside cot also meant that she couldn't fall out of bed - only into her own cot, which would actually have been a good thing...

AitchTwoToTangOh · 14/12/2009 10:25

we swaddled and placed the baby between a snuggler (which is really not much more than two rolled up ends of a towel). plus we have those memory foam pillows which are like bricks so don't travel.

Iloveautumn · 14/12/2009 10:36

I got rid of the duvet and we use a sheet and blankets. It is not as hot and also much much easier to make sure the baby is not covered, even if you are.

I use a really small thin pillow and have it long ways so only my head is on it. Alternatively, don't use a pillow.

My newborns were difficult to get to sleep so I used to sleep on my side actually cuddling them, with their head on my arm. That way I also knew they weren't going anywhere and couldn't fall off the bed. Otherwise, in the middle of the bed.

Co-sleeping is great, but my ds1 is now 3 and a half and he still comes into bed with us in the night half the time... It can turn into a long term commitment!!

Iloveautumn · 14/12/2009 10:41

Sorry, forgot to say, dh has always stayed in the bed too, but he doesn't move much in his sleep. He also isn't overweight, a heavy sleeper and doesn't drink or smoke.

I think you have to think about how your dh is in bed - is he likely to roll over onto the baby? If so, put him/her on the otherside. A bedside cot is great for that.

As I understand it, the research shows that the primary carer (ie mum) won't roll on to the baby because she is so intune with the baby and the baby's needs. But other people, like the dad, could well roll on to the baby so you need to be careful about that.

LaTrucha · 14/12/2009 13:40

I slept with DD in a grobag or swaddled on top of the blanket and in the crook of my arm. She was on the outside of the bed but we had the cot pulled up against it in a hopeful sort of manner. Nothing untoward ever happened except for my hips hurting like hell due to the position.

missjackson · 14/12/2009 22:46

Co-sleeping is great! Lots of people will think you are crazy though. People seem to think it means you no longer have a sex life but we seem to be fine in that dept, unlike most of my non-co-sleeping sleep- deprived friends!

Deborah Jackson "three in a bed" is a lovely read.

It does feel a bit strange at first with such a tiny new baby in with you, but you soon get used to it. We tucked the duvet under the bottom of the mattress so that it couldnt rise up past our waists, then used cellular baby blankets for top half. As ds got older, seasonal changes etc., we evolved through several different systems, and now at 10 mos we basically all just pile in and snuggle up.

Brilliant for breastfeeding too.

Hope it works for you

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