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Original poster

10 week old - Talk to me about routine!

16 replies

maldivemoment · 12/12/2009 16:59

I am currently feeling like I'm the only Mum (albeit a new one!) who doesn't have a routine which baby follows at night. Despite our best efforts - lullaby, bath, feed, etc - our little one seems to have his own agenda! It takes us, on average, 2 hours to settle him in his cot so I'm wondering what / if we are doing something wrong.

We generally try to put him down for 7.30/8ish, with bedtime routing started an hour beforehand, but often I am still in the room with him at 10, by which time it isn't much longer until his next feed (I'm breastfeeding). Is this too early to put him down? Should we hold off until 10? - this seems rather late to me but as I'm new to all this I might be wrong.

Since he was born my husband and I have not sat down for a meal together and I have lost count of the meals that have either gone in the bin or I've eaten in bed!!! Please don't think I'm complaining. I just feel as if everyone else has got this sorted except us! Probably not helped by the number of people who ask if he's sleeping through the night yet and then go on to tell me that by 8 weeks their little one was sleeping like a dream from 7pm.

All comments / advice appreciated! Many thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MrsBadger · 12/12/2009 17:27

at 10wks I was mostly feeding with one hand and eating with the other...

spending 2h trying to settle her sounds like a waste of a perfectly good evening to me

fib to your babymates

heylottie · 12/12/2009 17:27

Oh yes I'd like the answer to this too please! We have no evening 'routine' as it were, and our LO often awake from 7pm til 11pm. Not grizzling, just awake and doesn't want to sleep.

I envy those able to 'pop' their babies in the moses basket at 7pm, and then do a dream feed at 10ish.

Sigh...

MomOrMum · 12/12/2009 21:11

Is he unhappy in the evenings if he stays down with you, or will he doze and feed?

10 weeks is still very young. If he is happy staying down with you, I would keep up with that and try again in a few weeks.

My DS was very screamy in the evenings and wouldn't settle downstairs with us, so we had to perservere with the bedtime routine. Also realised we had to start it earlier than we were - he was better off with a 6 or 7 bedtime.

But if yours is happy down with you, that is easier all around.

LiegeAndLief · 12/12/2009 21:55

If he is settled and happy, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Start cooking meals you can eat with one hand and don't feel like you have to get him in bed by 7 because this is what everyone else does. I can guarantee you will not be the only one.

I have a dd who is rapidly approaching 6 months and went down at 9:30 tonight (was often much later when she was younger). She goes in the bath with 3yo ds and I start her "last" feed at about 7:30, but sometimes she just isn't ready for bed then and has a little play, then another feed after which she goes down very easily. We were spending hours pacing up and down with her in a darkened room trying not to wake ds up, then realised how much more pleasant it was to let her kick around on her mat for half an hour before trying again! It really won't be forever. I would carry on with what you are doing for bedtime, if he is tired, great, put him to bed, if not bring him downstairs and try again when he starts to get grizzly.

countrylover · 13/12/2009 09:10

Our DS1 wouldn't settle at this time either. From 7pm-10pm was a nightmare. However the only advice I can give you is that it does pass.

If you like routine (which I do) then I would personally persevere with what you're doing. He will settle into it eventually, probably sooner than you think. DS1 suddenly started settling around 8pm at about 12 weeks and then slept through until his dream feed at 11pm.

We did exactly the same for DS2 and he went into the routine of bed and sleep at 7pm at 10 days old! We did nothing different and didn't leave him to cry or anything. So every baby is different and it's certainly nothing you're doing or not doing.

christmasgoblin · 13/12/2009 09:15

heylottie: those who are just popping them into the basket at 7 and dream feeding at 10 are probably not also mentioning the crying in between that they can hear are ignoring or they are fibbing.

it is a rare baby that will be popped down and 7 and not stir till woken up for a dream feed.

the biology of most new borns just doesn't work like that until a lot of crying is ignored and the baby get conditioned into accepting it.

SpawnChorus · 13/12/2009 09:18

TBH I never even tried to get my DCs into a bed-time routine until they were 4-6 months old. I quite enjoyed having them up with me and DH (especially now that we have three DCs and it's nice to have some one-to-one time with the baby).

The one-handed meals are a pain in the arse though, I'll grant you.

duende · 13/12/2009 16:36

my DS now falls asleep in his cot between 7 and 8pm and we start the bedtime routine about an hour before. he is now 19 weeks and only started falling asleep that early at about 13 weeks. before, he would regularly still be awake at 10p.m.

Minshu · 13/12/2009 18:29

Maldivemoment - thank you so much for writing this question - was thinking of posing a very similar question You are definitely not alone!!! (except we eat in shifts or one handed - could never bin food)

I was thinking of trying to start a bed-time routine after Christmas - my DD will be 12/13 weeks old by then.

It's so reassuring to know that we're not alone in this.

plantsitter · 13/12/2009 18:35

I think we started the routine an hour before we knew that DD would go to bed and then once she was used to it gradually made it earlier. I think the thing is to create the cues so I wouldn't bother doing it at 7 if you know she won't go to sleep. DD didn't sleep through for ages but it meant I actually got my evenings back which was lovely. It did take a while though.

skidoodle · 13/12/2009 18:35

I used to put my DD down at around 6pm (well that's when she'd start her last pre-bed feed and she'd be down by around 6.30).

From what I've read on here and seen with other people's babies, this was not typical at all. My niece (3 months today) doesn't sleep in the evening and tends to feed constantly at that time.

If it's taking all evening to put her to bed, then the advantage of being free to have your dinner in peace is not really working out. Seems it would be far easier to keep her downstairs with you and drop your dinner on her head while she feeds.

Don't worry about what other people are doing. Despite what you may hear, little babies vary enormously. The differences between my DD and my niece in terms of sleeping, feeding, alertness, communication, etc. are amazing.

You've got the baby you've got. No point working against that. Work with what suits her and enjoy her

Original poster

maldivemoment · 13/12/2009 18:47

Thanks all for sharing your stories and experiences. I have breathed a huge sigh of relief just knowing, as you say Minshu, that I (we) are not alone on this one. It's so reassuring to know it's not just us and makes me feel less incompetent as a Mother to know most parents have been here and done it. I'm now starting to think my friends/colleagues with babies are painting a rosier picture than was perhaps the case!

Last night we didn't even try to settle our little one until he was ready - about 10ish. This meant husband and I sat down and shared a meal while our little one sat in his bouncy chair fairly content - all very civilized!!! I even had my first glass of wine in almost a year!!!!

I suppose I am just worried that our baby is not getting enough sleep as he is such an inquisitive little baby that he would rather look around a room than close his eyes and sleep. (Just out of interest, does anyone know how many hours a 10 week old should sleep for?) However, I think I have to relax a little more and let him dictate the pace and take it from there.

Once again thanks to you all!

OP posts:

merrilyverily · 13/12/2009 18:49

I eventually managed to put dd2 down at 7pm when she was 10 months. at 10 weeks I think that the evenings were when she just seemed to want to feed and feed .... and feed. also I wasn't that great at getting her to settle so we did co-sleeping until about this time, when she went through the night, and that way everybody had a great night's sleep pretty much all the time. 2 hours is a huge amount of time to be pacing up and down a darkened room - i think i'd give that up! in my experience they sleep when they are ready and you can help them synchronise with you, but co-ercion in babies doesn't really work.

strawberrie · 13/12/2009 19:57

Our DD kicked around with us in the evenings until she was around 4/5 months - before then evenings were just a continuation of the daytime, with a mix of naps, feeds, and awake time. If she wanted to sleep we would put her down in the pram carrycot in the living room, and she came to bed with me around 10pm for her final feed before going into her crib. Of her own accord, she started sleeping for slightly longer stretches in the evening (say falling asleep at 8.30 and sleeping till 10), at which point we started putting her down in her crib in the bedroom.

Honestly, just do what suits your family and to hell with everyone else and their arrangements. It sounds like your evening last night was fab, and just as it should be, and I promise you're not storing up bad habits or anything like that.

skidoodle · 13/12/2009 19:57

Doh! Sorry you have a boy

Last night sounds much more civilised

Don't assume your friends are painting a rosy picture, they just have different babies.

There are advantages both ways - because our DD always went down so early it was impossible for us to go out at night when friends were able to take their babies out with them to restaurants where the baby would doze/sit there/feed. DD would have screamed the place down.

I think around 14-15 hours sleep for a little baby of that age? They still need a lot of sleep then.

MiniMincemeat · 13/12/2009 20:10

Glad you had a better evening Maldive As skidoodle said, 14-15 hours is about right. Mine needed a bit more than most and still has 14 hours at nearly 1.5! I used to do the evening feed in two halves - feed from one side at 5 p.m. then do the bath, lullaby etc and then give the other half of the feed around 6. That gave me plenty of time to settle him by around 7 (sometimes he would be down by 6:30 and other times neares 7:30). In the early days that would be in a moses basket downstairs with us but as he got more nosey and alert we started putting him to bed upstairs.

They're all different and their parents are all different too. My DS needed a lot of sleep and I felt like I needed that evening time before the next feed so working towards a 7 pm bedtime was important to us. If it works better for you all to have a glass of wine with your baby downstairs then stick with that. As your DS gets more active he may start to naturally be tired by 7 anyway.

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