Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

Two week old DD - ok to sleep with us?

18 replies

TotallyFreaked · 09/12/2009 19:41

Can anyone let me know if they have had their baby in bed with them for the first month or so and then been able to progress to sleeping in a cot without much intervention?
Me and DH are exhausted as DD has no pattern and only seems to get more than an hour sleep at night when she is next to us in our bed - we put her between our pillows and get cold shoulders by keeping our duvet off her - are we bad?
I am panicking that we are creating that 'rod for our own backs'. Please help either put our minds at rest that we are ok to do this or any tips on getting DD to sleep in her cot - we've tried hot water bottle to warm the mattress... dummy... getting her to sleep on us then transferring...Thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

EatingSwansHorror · 09/12/2009 20:34

Mine slept on me til 10 weeks there was no other option as she would not sleep otherwise. Then I slept in the double bed on my own with her - rolling her off once she had gone to sleep. She would not sleep any other way. I was shattered! I Put a bolster down side of bed so she couldn't roll out and she had her own cover. by 5 months she was in her cot by my bed and at 6 months in her own room. She has never been a great sleeper - whether this was because of this or not I don't know. She's justy started sleeping through aged 2 1/2. The moral of this story is whatever route you take is the best one for you, you can't predict the outcome. Do what you need to to be safe and stay sane.

EatingSwansHorror · 09/12/2009 20:35

Not rolling her off the bed. Rolling her off me onto a nice comfy mattress!

steffibabes · 09/12/2009 20:36

That is what I did for the first 8 weeks of my DDs life! I have no idea how often she fed at night during the first few weeks- she used to kick me to wake up then I would stick a boob in her mouth and we would go back to sleep when she had finished.

After about 8 weeks she started going a bit longer between feeds and I wanted to be able to turn over in bed. So I bought an Amby hammock which took some getting used to and then at 8 months she went into a cot which again took a bit of work for her to get used to after the snuggliness of the hammock and the motion.

On the other hand, there are babies who refuse to sleep any where but their parents bed even when older and your DD may or may not be one of those babies. I just thought that I would share my experience.

I also remembering thinking that my DD would never let me put her down but that also passes.

I am not one to give advice but I would say that your DD wants to be with you at the moment as you are all she has ever known and feels comfortable sleeping with you. In a month she may feel different and enjoy stretching out in a cot. I know that having a baby is the most bizarre world turning upsidedown thing that can ever happen to a person. I would for now go for the option that gives you the most sleep and when you have had some rest and you get to know your DD better then you can work on cot sleep.

Does this help? Sorry if its a bit waffly!

domesticextremist · 09/12/2009 20:39

Yes, we did this with ds as he wouldnt sleep anywhere else then about 6 weeks moved him to the cot beside the bed and it was fine.

Lionstar · 09/12/2009 20:47

We went through hell in the first 8 weeks, with DS only sleeping on/with me and only in 2-hourly chunks interspersed with colicy screaming . DP moved out for most of it [hmm[ . However things have improved in the last 2 weeks, he has lost the colic, and even better the last 3 nights he has gone down in his moses basket at 7pm!!!! And stayed there most of the night (has at least 2 feeds in night).

So things can change . However there is nothing wrong with safe co-sleeping (make sure you read up on the best techniques). My DD co-slept on and off with us for 2.5 years.

PapaLazarou1977 · 10/12/2009 12:18

Hi all,

We are currently going through this at the moment, our DS is just under 4 weeks old, and will only sleep on DW's chest or co-sleeping in our bed. I see from reading this forum that this seems to be pretty normal. Most of the NCT group we had seem to be able to settle their children after about a month in their moses basket, but our DS is having none of it at the moment. I started thinking maybe we should bring his cot into our bedroom and use that as maybe he feels a little claustrophobic in his moses basket as he cannot see out. I know I am starting to stress my DW out but I really worry that the longer we leave it to get him settled in his cot/moses basket the more of a 'rod for our backs' we are creating (no matter how often I read and hear that you can't 'spoil' them at such a young age). Maybe I am just being over paranoid being a first time parent and all......

hattyyellow · 10/12/2009 12:29

All three of my babies spent the first few weeks in bed with me at night. I was nervous about DH sleeping there too - so I did kick him out into the spare bed! That way I could roll the duvet around myself and put them on the sheet in a grobag. They can go into grobags pretty early - about 9lbs I think?

I started persisting with putting them all in their moses basket for daytime sleeps or especially if they'd fallen asleep.

And when they started to go a bit longer between feeds at night I would transfer them into their moses basket next to bed after feeds once they'd zonked out.

All three were happy in their basket after a couple of months and then happy in cots after that - so I don't think you're creating a rod for your own back. Your baby is sooo tiny, I think they just want to stay as close to you as possible at the moment.

I found tricks for settling them were making the space smaller around them in basket/cot. I used tightly wrapped towels stuffed down either side to make them feel snuggled in. I also used to wander round the house or sleep with the towels draped around me which meant they were warm and they smelt of me and I suppose of my milk as I was breastfeeding. Or you could try tucking the top you're wearing very tightly over the sheet so the cot smells of you?

All sounds strange - but I think if you can make them feel tightly snuggled in, warm and safe they will settle better in cot/basket!

PapaLazarou1977 · 10/12/2009 12:37

Thanks Hatty!

Yeah, I can't wait until he gets to about 9lbs so we can use a Grobag, we bought one the other day as the packaging said you could use it from 7lbs but apparently they have changed the guidelines since and it is now not recommended until around 8lbs 7oz.

My wife can get him to sleep sometimes in the moses basket during the day, but hardly ever at night. It's probably that he is still in the pre-birth routine of sleeping in the day and not at night.

It's funny you said about the towels down the side of the moses basket to make them feel secure. I read this somewhere else earlier on and have mentioned it to my wife to try tonight as it sounds like it might work. We have also been using a t-shirt worn by her and a muslin which she has had on her skin. Both worked for a night or 2 but after that didn't seem to do the trick. I suppose some nights are going to be more successful than others.

ThumbleBells · 10/12/2009 12:38

I co-slept with DS in my bed for the first 5 1/2 months - DH moved out into the spare bed. This system worked very well for us because DH is a royal PITA without sleep, much like a toddler. Then I put DS into his cot in his own room and he mostly stayed there, until the last feed of the night (or early morning), which would usually end up with him coming in with me so that I didn't fall asleep on him while bf'ing in a chair.

You do what you need to do when they're this young to maximise what sleep you can get. Worry about it later, i.e. when they're more than 6m old.

hattyyellow · 10/12/2009 12:41

Oh and ignore, ignore, ignore what the rest of your NCT group are saying! My group all admitted several years later that they were all exaggerating/bending the truth somewhat about just how well it was all going! If only we had all been honest with eachother about what a wonderful but terrifying and earthshattering experience first time parenting is1

Hope the towels help. You're right, things work some nights and not others - but it WILL all settle down and you WILL get to sleep full nights again!

hattyyellow · 10/12/2009 12:42

Sorry didn't look at your name! Huge apologies for presuming you are female!!

PapaLazarou1977 · 10/12/2009 12:57

Thanks guys, and don't worry Hatty, most people who post on here are girls, I just thought I'd come in with the 'concerned husband' angle!

PapaLazarou1977 · 10/12/2009 12:59

....Oh yeah and about the NCT guys, my wife reckons they're bending the truth slightly too! Hopefully, if they are, they too will come clean one day!

lucysnowe · 10/12/2009 13:10

some info about safe co-sleeping:

www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/sleep/cosleepingsafely/

I read somewhere it is better to have the bed against a wall and the baby next to it, rather than between you? I'm not certain though, could anyone confirm?

hanaflower · 10/12/2009 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hohohonotlongtogo · 10/12/2009 13:36

I think co sleeping is fine as long as it is done safely i co-slept with ds1 for aaaaaages and only really got him into habbit of going into his own bedroom and bed while expecting ds2. (he is now 3.8) I am co-sleeping with ds2 atm, he is almost 4 months and has a grobag so seperate from my covers and we dont use pillows either on his side. I sleep in a sort of c shape with him on his back or sort of facing me just next to me. I find it natural and comforting for both of us and did with ds1 aswel. Also it makes the night feeds alot easier in the first 2-3 months as all you have to do is get a boob out and hey ho! Anyway i have co-slept for that long now i don't think i'd find it easy to sleep in my own bed on my own. He will sleep in his own cot though if i want him to now at almost 4 months so he is in thier until i go to bed then when he wakes up at around midnight he comes into my bed (my choice) all this "rod for your own back" stuff is nonsence to me i have chosen to co-sleep and they won't want to do it forever so i'm just making the most of it while they're small!

hohohonotlongtogo · 10/12/2009 13:37

Oh and i co-slept with both from birth

Original poster

TotallyFreaked · 10/12/2009 17:15

Thanks to you all for your replies - this was my first posting and I was so emotional and slightly embarassed that I had to ask such a question but it was heartwarming to read that others are doing the same as us and that we don't need to feel guilty or worried about sleeping patterns in the future. I am so grateful that common sense prevails and as long as me and DH are careful, we can continue to sleep with DD and all get some sleep!

Last night we managed to get DD to sleep on my chest and then transferred her to the crib (we had warmed it with a hot water bottle and used her special blanket that had been on my chest too). She did wake up about an hour to 90 mins later but we put her back on my chest until she was ready to feed. We felt much better.

I'm sure each night will be different for some time yet, but at least we are more relaxed about her being with us.

Thank you all so much!

OP posts:

Flip