4 week olds and sleep

8 replies

hazhawken · 09/12/2009 18:09

hello,
i'm a first time mum with a 4 week old girl. She generally falls asleep on me - feeding or just lying, or with DH bouncing with her on the birth ball or walking around with her. i'm struggling though with the views of the older generation. my mum visited yesterday and DD was feeding and coming off the boob and grizzling and feeding again and she seemed to be getting tired. If i was alone i would have walked around with her, carried on feeding, bounced on the ball and eventually she would have falled asleep. My mum said that i should put her in her moses basket in a darkened room and let her go to sleep. I thought i'd try this, though felt under obligation.. (mother pleasing !)i put her down, left the room and within a couple of mins she was wimpering. My instinct screamed to pick her up so i did. My mum said i was a wimp or words of that effect and that i'm setting myself up for trouble. I felt stressed. and DD got more and more cross and tired, didn't really sleep much all day and i wasn't very happy either. Today we've been alone, she's slept loads today, fallen asleep on my lap twice and both times i've transferred her to her basket no problem when she was deeply asleep.
is it best to put babies down to sleep if they do get over tired ? or is it better to comfort them and be there with them ?
my instinct says the latter, but i don't want to make things more difficult for myself in the long run.. and maybe it is better for her to cry then go to sleep and then feel better than have a day of not sleeping and feeling cross.
i feel a bit confused and would welcome advice,
hx

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DrCosyTiger · 09/12/2009 19:25

Hi Hazhawken, at risk of causing trouble between you and your mum I would say your instincts sound just fine to me. In fact I think you're doing brilliantly. Please don't worry about all that making a rod for your own back nonsense. Your LO is still soooooo small. If you've found something that works and makes you both happy, don't mess with it. My DD is almost 9m now. I could barely put her down for 3 seconds in the early days without her screaming. I let her sleep on me whenever she wanted. It was the only way to survive. But now she settles herself in her cot just fine for naps and at night. So just keep on going with your instinct, I would say.

Original poster

hazhawken · 10/12/2009 10:25

thank you DrCosyTiger.. it does feel right to follow my instincts and deal with my mother pleasing issues ! so at what age do people do sleep 'training' - is there an optimal age to do this ?

OP posts:

throckenholt · 10/12/2009 10:34

from personal experience I would say it is best to put babies down to sleep before they get overtired. Once they get overtired it is a whole different ballpark.

rubyslippers · 10/12/2009 10:38

leave things be

My DD is 9 weeks and fed to sleep most of the time - sometimes she self soothes but she can't do it consistently and i don't expect her to

sleep training - well I wouldn't even think about it at this age

BeckyBendyLegs · 10/12/2009 12:57

I'd say she is your baby, not your mum's or anyone else's, so you do what you feel is right for you and her and you'll be happy.

BornToFolk · 10/12/2009 13:27

I did read somewhere that babies can't self-settle before 3 months (though I'm sure that some do)
For me, once DS got to about 5 months and had a fairly good routine (ie. things happening at about the same time each day and in roughly the same way) he was ready to self settle. Before then, we did whatever it took to get him to sleep and never left him to cry.

BeckyBendyLegs · 10/12/2009 16:35

I think all babies are different. DS1 couldn't self-settle to save his life and was a very sensative baby (and still is a sensative little soul). He couldn't settle by himself until he found his thumb at about 11-12 weeks and even then needed lots of encouragement from me to settle and didn't really sleep well until he was a few months old. DS2 could self-settle from about 4 weeks and did give little 'tired' cries sometimes when he went to sleep but he was probably helped by the fact I was running around after a toddler. He slept very well - I was very lucky with him! I have a four-week DS3 and he sometimes settles without a peep too, other times needs some shushing and other times needs more, or to be in the sling with me, so it varies completely. Again I am v. busy with other DSs but when he needs me to help him, I'm there. (I just wish I'd had a sling when I had DS1 as I spent hours and hours, weeks, trying to settle a very cranky boy)

Every baby is different and every mother is different. I think people should do what they feel is best for them and their baby. I've been different with each one.

loopyloo82 · 10/12/2009 16:55

I hardly put my baby down when she was that age and she is now 4 months and still needs me to fall asleep.
But I wouldn't have (couldn't have) done it any differently. She is certainly very sensitive like Becky says, and has always cried if left to settle herself. I've always picked her straight up.

I often wish she could self-settle, and wonder how I can get her to now, but I've found with everything around being a mum I've felt much happier when I've gone with the flow, followed my instincts and done what works now. Go with what you feel is right and not what other people tell you.

Flip