meeting other mums but too tired!

[scrunchie]

This might seem like a stupid question - but baby is now 5months and we have had very little sleep since he was born in the Summer.

At first I ran around trying to meet people at groups but just found myself becoming more exhausted. So now just stick to one thing a week - meeting my NCT lot.

However the group has not totally gelled and I feel lonely a lot of the time.
My usual way of dealing with this would be to get out and about more - but these days,I would rather sleep! Am also trying to make sure he has most of his feeds at home as he gets very distracted otherwise.

I'm not sure how to get round this problem. Just accept that for a little while more things may be a bit lonely but once things improve then I can get back out to groups etc again?
I wanted to sign up to various classes for next term but as getting there all depends on how the previous night went (as I might need to go back to bed) it ends up being a waste of money as some days I'd rather go back to bed!! (or the baby ends up napping when he should be awake for the class!)

Anyone got any ideas? In some ways feel that, rather than meeting people in the same bboat (who are equally tired) I need people around me who are past the stage of no sleep aand can come round to give me a hand and practical support.

Sorry to whinge, just can't think of a way round this at the moment!

Well feel better for having got that off my chest, may be the answer is to come on to mumsnet more

I'm the same as you but have two ds's. DS1 is 2 and would really benefit from going to more groups.
Ds2 is two months so isn't fussed.

But i'm so tired and my driving is dire when i'm tired!

I managed to dent my old car twice when ds was little through crap judgement in car parks from sleep dep.

I do think winter makes it all allot worse. I just want to stay in. and veg out which isn't great for my social life.

At least in summer the sun and longer days tempt you out.

Do you find because you are so tired you find it hard to be your 'usual' self as you lack the energy?

I find that after having both boys i am a watered down version of myself. I find it much easier to make the effort with people when i'm not tired and make friends easily. But come across a bit stand offish lackluster when i'm tired.

Are you breastfeeding? 4-6 with ds1 was hell! 2 hourly night feeds. We didn't get much. He settled down when he reached 6m and we started weaning but because we did BLW he didn't really eat much. He eventually slept through at 8m until 10m when he started teething!........and i'm doing this all again....must be nuts

Hi Scrunchie

Sorry you are feeling so tired and that your NCT group hasn't quite gelled.

Does your NCT branch offer any groups that meet near you? Just thought that you might meet some more Mums, with children of various ages and make some more friends without having to sign up for any classes that you may miss.

Other good places to go where you don't have to pay, or pay by the term are playgroups, aquatots at the local swimming pool or see if your library does something like Rhymetime or Storytime.

As for the tiredness, DH usually leaves for work at about 8 am and if I've had a bad night he leaves me in bed until about 7.30am and that helps me cope much better.

i'm in much the same boat scrunchie our DS is just over 5 months and has never 'slept through' last night only did a couple of 2-hour stretches, the rest very wakeful, one feed, etc etc. it is totally exhausting!

would also love to go out and be more sociable (the dream of a pleasant maternity break: coffee mornings, walks in the park with other mums, etc) and in a couple of months time (when DS may be sleeping better) I won't have the option anymore due to work, aaargh

can't imagine what it would be like with 2 though littlemissbliss exactly right though when i've forced myself to go to meet ups in a tired state i just come across dazed and a bit slow, not my usual self -- and end up fading rather quickly after an hour or two of chatter sigh

so here's an idea: maybe we should try to do things that don't require a lot of talking -- taking a baby massage class? inviting some of the NCT lot to 'scream' film sessions? (obv not applicable with 2 DC) things where less energy is required but you are still out and about ?

Thanks everyone
It helps to know that other people feel like this. If only we lived in the same road like in Neighbours..!

Yes it is hard to be usual self, be chatty due to the tiredness, and yes am BFing..

Good idea re going to free drop in stuff - there are things like this around so these replies might give me the push to do that.

Kazookazoo - I think you have hit the nail on the head. Maternity leave in my head was not meant to be like this! I too was going to have the cofee mornings and walks in the park!
Have done baby massage and the film thing is quite hard to get to on time for me.. but yes "quieter" things would be a good way forward, am trying to think of other things. I think that and picking things that are flexible with timings are a good idea. Will post back if I come up with anything!

DD2 is 4 months and still feeding every 2 hours at night... However I find getting out and about makes me feel so much better so I do think it's worth the effort (for me, anyway)

How much sleep are you managing to get at night, and what time are you going to bed? Is there any way you could go to bed a bit earlier rather than catching up in the day?

Hello

I think you need to find a list of things to go to that don't matter if you turn up on time and don't matter finanically if you miss something. So have something you could go to for every am and pm and if you go you do, and if you don't it doesn't matter. I found getting out made it easier to ignore tiredness and it might make baby sleep more too!

Good places to check for things to do are: all local churches (most have web sites or noticeboards outside), our Salvation army does lots, schools (one near us does a mother and toddler group), community centres, libraries, sure start centres, gym centres, lesiure centres, soft play centres, swimming pools, local tourist attractions, NCT etc Blitz the net, make a list and then see who you can find. You will start bumping into the same people over and over I'm sure!

The other thing that worked for me was a lady accross the road with a similiar aged baby just came and knocked on my door one day to say hello and now we are good friends (if you have seen any good candidates for this). We text each other if we are free and see what the other is up to.

Hope that helps. I hate being alone, can you tell

Thanks ladies, good ideas, really grateful.

Which reminds me, better go to catch some zzzzss, it is now past my bedtime!! (Going to bed early does help, sometimes I forget though and pay the price the next day!!)

Moomaa wish I had thought of that idea before!!