cotrolled crying questions....

[sjcmum]

I am starting to think that I might have to use controlled crying for my 11 month old dd2. Not a decision I find easy to make - and am still weighing it up....

Question is, if I go for it - do I stop feeding her in the night at the same time? She currently feeds about twice a night, and it would seem to make sense to try to cut that out too??

Also - she has a dummy - worth leaving that with her to help her settle, or be really mean and try to get that off her as well?

If you have done cc - how long did it really take and was it absolutely awful??

Hello,

Firstly, you have all my sympathies as we have had lots of ups and downs with our 19 month boy.

We have used cc about twice since he was around 10/11 months and it always works really well and really fast. 3 days is the longest. He then goes into sleeping through night after night for weeks and weeks but often a hiccup like teething or illness sets him back again.

The thing I would say is your little girl is so used to getting fed twice a night she wakes up in habit. Assuming she gets enough to eat during the day, I'd advise you try and wean her off the night time feeds. Maybe try one at a time so it's gradual.

I would be inclined to let her keep her dummy as it'll be a useful tool to help her self-soothe. Our son never got into dummies but we encouraged all sorts of other comforters and his bunny is what he uses now (which stemmed from the first time we did cc).

While it is really hard you have to keep in mind that it will work and probably much quicker than you could imagine. You have to set aside a time when you are prepared to start and stick to it all the while believing that a few nights of crying will result in blissful unbroken sleep.

You can adjust the amount of time you leave to suit your daughter.. 2 mins, 3 mins, 5 mins etc.. building up slowly ... but keep your eye on the clock - it helps take the mind off the situation and makes it slightly easier.

It is awful to hear your little one crying out for you but once you get your sleep and she gets hers, everything will seem a whole lot brighter.

I hope that is useful, I've babbled on quite a bit!

First things first: are YOU ready for this, because you can't do CC half heartedly. If you want this to work there is no looking back and it takes a good week or two. And every new tooth, cold etc sets the timer back to zero so it's a marathon really.BUT WELL WORTH IT!

I would definitely drop night feeds because THAT is why she wakes up. She needs to learn to self soothe or at least find others ways to go back to sleep.

for your sanity, I would suggest keeping the dummy for now.

Last but not least get her to sleep OFF THE BOOB. So feed, put in bed and do shushing patting, gradual retreat at bedtime then do the same (minus feed) during the night.

good luck

I have just done CC with my 10m old. We stopped feeding through the night as I knew he was getting enough through the day. The key though is getting your baby to self settle to sleep at bedtime. If you have that in place the CC through the night will be easier.
We did-
bedtime routine, bath, pjs, 2 stories, BF in our room with dim lights, through into his room, cuddle, lay down in cot, then I say in a bright but soft voice; Night night baby we love you, time to go to sleep. He then drops off within 10 mins.
Then when he wakes in the night, wait for 5 mins to establish if he with settle himself or not, if not, go in, lay him down-do not lift him out of the cot- and say go to sleep, night night. Repeat as necessary every 5,then 10, then 15,no more than 20 mins apart. I made my husband do this as if I went in he would go mental. Husband has no milk to give so DS settled better. We would then get him up and out of his cot at 6ish, if he slept later, brilliant, but otherwise we would start the day at 6am as my DS would usually wake at 4ish and not really settle back to sleep when we started the cc. At 6am, back into our room, lights on, morning feed and then a play in our bed while my husband and I moaned about whose turn for a lie in it was!
I would say it took 4 nights to crack it, and the 3rd night was horrendous, but we stuck with it and have not looked back since.
I have given you alot of detail, sorry! I hope thats OK,.
My last tip would be, when your baby is crying and your cant sleep, don't lay there is darkness sweating feeling like cack, do sometime to distract yourself. Read, knit, play cards..
Best of Luck to you,

Thanks for your support and suggestions and the detail is helpful! I think I might try to gradually wean her off the feeds before I go for it fully.

The real problem is getting her to settle - she has never really learnt to self settle, and will cling on to my arms and scream if I try to put her down in the cot when she doesn't want to, and will sit up/stand up etc - so shushing/patting etc isn't really possible (although this can work with her lying on our bed, or the beanbag in her bedroom sometimes - but never the cot). I've tried to do the gentle approach, but haven't been able to crack this at all, which is why the HV has suggested maybe going for a more dramatic approach.

Bedtime - we have a good routine and generally she settles really quickly. As she shares a room with DD1, I feed her in our room, and she often falls asleep in the middle of our bed, or in my arms - but not actually feeding normally. First feed of the night tends to be quick and sleepy and she is only up for 15-20 mins and is happy to be put back in the cot asleep. The real problem is the second feed. She will be wide awake and standing up when I get in, she'll feed and then it'll take me an hour and a half to settle her again. Sometimes she is wide awake and wanting to play, other times she'll happily fall asleep in my arms, but the moment I put her in the cot she pings awake, screams, won't let go of my arms etc. Luckily DD1 sleeps through this, but it is often 10 attempts or so before I can get her down.

Something has got to change - I'm exhausted and go back to work next week - I have no brain at all though!!!

I would try and stop feeding her to sleep at bedtime. IF she falls asleep on you, rouse her and take her into her cot so she is awake when being out down.
I think staying in the room trying to settle her is a false economy as you say it takes so many attempts and she is no longer able to stay asleep when you have fed her and laid her down.
This sounds so similar to how it was when we reached our tipping point to do CC. I would just go for it and not bother with doing it gradually. In for a penny in for a pound and all that. Your baby wont realise that they can have a feed at 2am, but not 4am. They wont get it IYSWIM
I think you need to think about your needs first and the reality is that you cant really do a days work on sustained shite sleep.

Louby3000 - thanks - definitely sounds like we should just bite the bullet and go for it at some point. Haven't managed to yet because she's had a constant cold and cough for the last fortnight... now might just wait until I'm off work between Christmas and New Year

You have my total sympathy! My 17 month old is getting worse and worse sleep wise and I am 6mnths preg and really exhausted. I have tried everything - even going to the length of paying £250 for expert advice from a baby sleep clinic -who did not recommend cc. In fact lots of baby sleep books are against cc - ie Baby Whisperer and Save our Sleep/Tizzie Hall. They both say it distresses and confuses some babies (ie with the constant going in and out of room) I have tried cc with my baby several times and he has often cried non stop for over 3 hrs and if does fall asleep at end of this , it is only for max on 30 mins. The SOS book recommends leaving the baby to cry and either not going back into the room at all or staying in room whilst baby cries but not picking them up - just sit there until they go to sleep (which in my experience can also take hours!)
This is my first time on here so I am not sure how this works but I would happily email you the sleep plan the clinic gave to me if you would like it? There were def some v helpful tips in there that I continue to use -my baby did improve drastically for a while but has now regressed.

Thanks for these tips - my 10 month old has only ever slept 'through the night' (if you can call it that..) TWICE, meaning I've only had two decent night's of sleep since she was born. I'm beginning to panic as I go back to work soon, and I will be like a zombie if this continues. It's interesting to hear that some books don't recommend CC, which I'd understood was the fastest remedy. I do feel incredibly uncomfortable about using it, as it just doesn't feel right to ignore your maternal instincts and leave your baby to scream and scream.
I'll take a look at the other books recommended - and any other tips greatly accepted!

You poor thing - thats a tough 10 months and I know what it feels like. On a positive note, I found going back to work with little sleep better than I expected (not easy but not as bad as I feared)At least at work you can sit down, have a coffee and arent doing all the constant cleaning up, feeding,carrying etc that you do when you are at home with the little one?
The Baby Whisperer book is good in that it ackonwledges that there are different types of babies - ie passive, spirited, grumpy etc and that some types will just not respond well to things like cc. I have def found that it makes my "spirited" baby much worse!
Millpond basically recommend: giving milk downstairs a hour or so before bed time, 5 minute calm bath, straight into bedroom after bath, story and then gradual retreat over a period of approx 10 days. They did recommend for me to leave the room if baby continued to cry or stand up in cot for over 20 mins but only to leave the room for 10-60 seconds - ie just enough time to show baby that you werent putting up with the protest but not long enough to really distress them. The SOS book recommend the lay down technique - where you lay them down up to about 40 times - most babies go to sleep by the 40th time but of they dont they you also leave the room for approx 20 mins and then go back in and do it 10 more times, leave again etc I found this worked really well for a few weeks and really thought we had cracked it (was amazed that baby stayed lying down by about 3rd night) but then he regressed again.
You may even find that your baby suddenly just starts sleeping? At 12 months mine totally changed and we had a blissful 4-6 weeks of 7pm-6am (coincided with him learning to walk/maybe being more tired?) but then it went pear shaped again! I was just grateful for a few nights sleep though so wont complain.
Good luck with whatever you try.