Nap crisis - considering controlled crying - help! - long, sorry :(

[Bababa]

Today I almost shook my baby - I need some help please to sort out his daytime naps, feel as if I can't cope anymore.

So DS is 8 months, almost 9. He now FINALLY sleeps through, has done for almost a month - asleep by 7:45 and wakes up anytime between 6 and 7.

The problem is his naps. Basically he's got used to only napping in his buggy which was fine to start with - could just park buggy once baby asleep and do my own thing - but now it's become a nightmare. He wakes up as soon as I stop pushing or jiggling; if I go into a building (so no shopping or going back home); if I start talking on the phone (so no catching up with mates); if dog barks; if someone stops to chat with me. And once he's awake that's it, he's had a catnap and WON'T go back to sleep. It's driving me crazy. I have mild PND but feel it getting worse. Also I live on a windblasted Scottish island where it's dark at 3:30 pm so really can't face having to face the elements to get my boy asleep twice every day. I feel as if he's sucking all my time and energy, I can't even sleep when he sleeps.

Tried putting him in his cot for his morning nap 2 days in a row and he screamed himself hoarse for 2 hours. It was awful. He did then sleep but I need to know CC has worked for other people for naptime before I try it again. Gave up as we were away visiting my inlaws and they volunteered to push the buggy. Now am back and at snapping point.

Sorry for the big moan. Any comments or experience or suggestions would be more than welcome. I know I'm so lucky he's sleeping through now but just feel like I'm a rubbish Mum and have no energy and no time for me during the day ever and have no clue what to do. Don't even know how much sleep a baby of DS's age "should" have at night or during the day or in total? Oh, and he was BF until a month ago and has never wanted to cosleep. He just wriggles and wants to play.

God well done anyone who even got to the end of this. I used to be a cheery person honest

I know exactly how you feel! My children have all been awful nappers and I am currently struggling with DC3 who is only 5 months always bloomin' 'alert' but that's another story..Anyway at 9 months you might find that he actually only needs one nap in the day now he sleeps through the night. I got this tip from one of my mum's friends, although living in Scotland at this time of year it may not help and it depends on your house...I used to put DD in her pushchair in front of our French windows so the sunlight would make her shut her eyes and so fall asleep. Once asleep I would move her out of the sunlight, make her comfy and she'd sleep for quite a while but only if she'd not napped in the morning AT ALL, even the smallest micronap in the car would put pay to any other naps. Once she hit 15 months I gave up on daytime naps completely. Hope this helps.

Frog thank you for answering. Really helps to hear other mums' stories.

I had started to think DS only needs 1 nap a day but he still does seem shattered after being awake 3-4 hours - clingy, girny, losing coordination, eyerubbing, the works. But maybe 1 big nap in the middle of the day is the way forward. Sun in his eyes makes him wake up / scream in annoyance but might be worth a try...am desperate!

Did you ever manage to get any of your annoyingly awake delightfully alert DCs nap in their bed?

Ok, I got my guidance from Gina Ford without going all stark raving clock obsessed loony.

My DD is 8 months and has been sleeping through the night and napping at set hours during the day since she was 8 wks old. This is what I think:

No point trying to get him to nap unless he really tired. If he's shattered he'll sleep through anything. So wait after his big lunch and then stick him in the stroller. Do what you want (talking on the phone etc). He needs to fit into your life and NOT the the way around.

Once he wakes up, he wakes up. No point trying to make him go back to sleep. Wait 2 hours after which he'll be getting tired and try again.

CC only works if he feels loved and doesn't start getting distressed. So keep hugging him or acknowledging his presence every 5 mins.

Do you use a comfort object? DD has taken to a Kaloo bunny, whose existence until now I had questioned several times...

And finally, don't worry. I reckon they'll be old enough for us to return the favours before we know it. Good luck!!

hi there, my dd is roughly the same age and also very 'alert', I can appreciate how draining it is to put so much effort into getting them to nap. Can also appreciate not being able to stop/talk/go past anything noisy when they're in the buggy!

I leave it until she's really really tired (but not tipped over into the 'overtired state). Then she goes off to sleep fairly easily. For her at the moment, it's 3 hours from wake up to am nap, then if at home with no buggy, around 4 hrs bet am and pm nap. We have a 'wind down' nap routine, that is different to the bed time routine.

I've never been up for controlled crying for naps, too much effort and it's really not long before they start to drop naps. Soon he'll just be having 1 nap a day anyway, so half the effort!!!

HTH

Hah! WHo needs the nap indeed Starlight. Bah humbug. You made me smile a lot. Ds does still get really tired though during the day and if he doesn't nap he's unbearable to be around. How did you know your lo was ready to drop her naps? And - do I remember reading your posts on "baby still not sleeping through at 6 months" threads? I lurked there a lot . If so, congratulations and hurray on babyStarlight entering civilised sleep land!

Tasmaniandevilchaser, I agree about the cc for naps not being worth it. In my more rational moments that is. What is your nap wind down routine, if you don't mind sharing? Feel devoid of inspiration right now.

Masalamama, you're right and it will pass so soon. Perspective seems to go out of the window a lot these days but aye it will pass soon. Ds has a comfort thing yes. I'll try to wait till he's properly tired and see.

Whoneedsthenapwhoneedsthenapwhoneedsthenap

my ds gave up his naps around this age was very grumpy come early evening bu ti would just pop him in cot late morning to play or do whatever he wanted sometimes if lucky he would doze off if not i knew he was safe and i would go do what i need

you cant force a child to sleep if not tired its the age of exploring and not wanting to miss a thing its normal progression so if you need a rest put him safe in cot with some toys and go get some rest

also cc isnt about letting them just scream for hours i would have just got him up in all honesty cc is about leaving it few min calming them down leaving few mins longer going back in etc lengthening the time you go back in calming them down but if sleeping right through i would doubt very much ready fora morning nap so maybe try for after lunch but again pop some toys in the cot so can play until he is ready to sleep if ready my ds would just lay there playing for an hr

but it was still a break for me

For months and MONTHS I struggled as BabyG wouldn't nap and if he did, it was only 30 minutes. He was awake 2/3/4 times during the night too - I have two older DC and I was very difficult at times.

He started sleeping through at night and I feel that as long as I'm getting a night's sleep, I can cope if he doesn't sleep during the day.

I sat and re thought it and started to put him down for a nap after lunch, hwne he's shattered. Now he'll have anything between 30mins and 2 hours nap every day just after lunch.

My DS is 9 months and for the last 6 weeks doesn't nap easily (it used to be relatively easy to wind him down with a suck or a rock or a pram walk). Just a tricky age I think as he also gets v tired and grumpy but not tired enough to sleep - life is too exciting. I too have tried putting in cot and crying but he just stands up and gets v upset and cries. All that works at the mo is feeding to sleep (and I appreciate you have stopped bfeeding).

I think we should try waiting til they are really tired as someone advised.

My Mum says she has noticed how mothers always think their children are tired but it is really because the mother herself is tired! That may well be the case with me.
(Wish my DS slept through the night - how did you manage that?)

Nothing useful to say except we have the same situation at the same age. Must be normal? GOOD LUCK

Hi there, for similar reasons you alude to, just wanted to say we've just bought the 'no cry sleep method' by Elizabeth pantly, and the no cry nap method by the same author.

We're just getting started, but the one thing that is clear, and - touch wood - seems to be a positive thing, (and dare I say it seems to making a change) is creating a pre nap routine. eg a quiet play/ activity in half hour prior to nap time, saying same key words 'eg nap time, time for sleep sweetheart' (not please go to sleep I beg you~( same routine upstairs eg soft music, change nappy, soothing words, special nap blanket or grobag or whatever, a comforter type blanket/ toy which smells of mum (stick it up your jumper!) read the same story etc etc The upshot is that at this moment, and by god by me saying it, it'll all go tits up, DS is having at least one nap in the cot, with no CC.

The key thing is I hate leaving my baby to cry and this woman does give at least many ideas on how to go about getting LO off to sleep without crying. Like you I am suffering with PND and you have my upmost empathy and sympathy - sleeping through is one thing (and sadly at 6 months my DS isn't any where near!) but when you just want to have a break in the day and instead have to traipse the streets and the little darling won't settle off/ stay asleep, its not funny at all.
There is also a chapter in her nightime sleep book about the mum, sleep deprivation etc.

Bubblagirl yes it is true I must remember it is their age for exploring and everything. I did go up every wee while to ds to comfort him and calm him - never left him more than 3 minutes - when we tried the cc for naptime. If I'd got him up he would have been tired and grumpy anyway...oh I don't know, it's a touchy subject, I was so upset by it and I felt like such a totally shit mother.

MamaG will se how DS goes and try to keep him up til after lunch, others advised this too, it's just that he is really tired 3 hours after getting up like Tasmaniandevilchaser's LO but it may change soon. Tis all a mystery really.

Dycey your Mum's comment is true. Although doesn't change the stress of tiredness it does help with MUCH needed perspective. As in when I blame my baby for being tired and not sleeping it's me being PND-ey and not coping, he's just doing his baby thing they all do.

The way we got DS to sleep through was a mix of no-cry-sleep-solution type tactics (routine = same song, goodnight to every object on the way to the bath, bath, same song and musical star, taggy comforter, milk, cuddle, bed) and a bit of harshness (refusing any drink but water from 7 months at night). Crying was indeed very much involved - DS was furious, loudly loudly so, when refused the boob - but it worked. We got to the stage where we knew he didn't need the milk and we all 3 were so much happier when he started sleeping better at night.

Littleweed, it's so good to read understanding words. I'll try to adapt the nighttime routine to naptime and let you know what happens.

Have to go to sleep now shattered! But loads more hopeful thanks to responses thanks again all...

Hi there, just wanted to say that i do have a friend who did CCing for nap times and it did work for her. I am not sure how long it took but i can ask. I think her daughter was around 9-10 months.
Also around this time i found DS would not go to sleep like he normally would for naps (usually just put down in the cot when looking tired), but he suddenly started going to sleep if I cuddled him (2 months before this would just have made him furious). So you could try new methods that wouldn't have thought would work, eg cuddling, stroking in cot, etc, anything that you haven't tried in a while if you see what I mean.

hi there, hope you're surviving. Just wanted to report the naptime routine is still working. Even today when he wasn't very tired but I needed him to have a little nap before we had to go out. The cues seem to help him.

Bababa your post really struck a cord with me, my 9 month old is at a very similar stage and I totally understand where you are coming from! I have come to the conclusion that her sleep needs are changing and she only needs one nap in the day, and even that doesn't need to be too long. I agree with you though that she seems tired long before this one lunchtime nap but she just doesn't want to go to sleep so what can you do?! I got very stressed for a few days trying to get her to sleep when she didn't want to, but now have decided just not to fight it. Keep her awake all morning and put her down just after lunch. This goes against what has worked right up until now which is to put her down as soon as seemed a little bit tired. Oh, and we have also had to start reading books/relaxing music etc. at nap times. I am hopeful this way we will get at least one decent nap a day and so far does seem to be working. They just change so quickly don't they, you're always having to adjust your routine and expectations and it is hard. Wishing you the best of luck in getting something sorted out and a bit of time to yourself again!

Wonder how long your friend took Summerlightning. i read somewhere that by aroun 9 months babies start to develop the ability to stay awake even if they're tired, like adults. That terrified me. Ds already seems to have been doing that for months... I keep on trying all possible getting to sleep methods, like some crazy merrygoround, hoping to get something that works. Will keep on trying.

Littleweed, how is your naptime routine different from the bedtime one? I tried a naptime routing with my boy but maybe I got it wrong - he just looked panicked and kept on turning his head to the window and the door as if to say "but it's not dark!" and "but where's Dad?" - and it didn't work Maybe it was all too similar to bedtime? But I didn't do the bath or all that. Hmm.

Keeping him up til after lunch resulted in lunch all over everything (more than usual) and hysterical overtiredness.

Will keep posted on progress, or lack of. Not a good few days. This will pass, this will pass, this will pass...

Progress report.

Tried to keep ds awake with no morning nap again - not a good plan . He was so tired he scrathced all his face, hasn't done that since he was 4 months old.

Can't face the screaming of the cot in the day. DH away long days at the mo and need to stay sane as possible with Ds on my own.

I have thought of a new tactic: trying to get DS to nap still in the buggy but jiggling him in the garage so I don't have to leave the house. HAs anyone tried this? Tried it a few months ago and it didn't work but you never know now...send good thoughts for tomorrow please...

Seems to be working! Now I spend naptimes reading in front of a SAD lightbox in the garage. Infinite improvement. Thank you all for your advice