If he doesn't sleep longer soon I think I might die

[roslily]

I can see why sleep deprivation is a torture method.
My ds is 11 weeks. He goes to bed at 7pm and sleeps until 10/11ish. Then every 1-2 hours until 5am, which is when he wants to get up. And get up means being held, not kicking on mat.

I don't know how much longer I can do this.

thought about making bedtime later, but then no evening time to do washing up, washing, eating etc that I can't do during day. And I like my few hours break from not having to constantly hold him/entertain him.

Argh. The thought of months more of this

Yes it is a form of torture. The only way I could cope was going to bed very early - 8pm - so I could at least get a couple of hours sleep before the first wake.

Do you have a sling? Maybe you could hold him while doing things you need to do?

I also realised with my ds that he would calm down when the hoover was on.

Agree with Cat.
Also try swaddling him and lineing the moses basket (or where ever he sleeps) with blankets. Sometimes this helps to convince them that they are still being held. Or bundle him up in a blanket when you hold him and then lay him down. Also with my DD id bounce her to sleep in her bouncy chair then just leave her there rather than try to move her. Good luck and remember it can turn around very quickly!

Really good points below - worth trying them all, specially the sling for snuggles and mobility. Also worth trying a cranial osteopath if you had an assisted birth. DS1 was a different child after he went for just 2 sessions.

In the meantime, hang on in there and remember that dc's (particularly dss IME) are programmed to take everything they can from you, but are also programmed not to drive you over the edge. It's not in their genetic interests to let you die of sleep deprivation - though some are pretty good at knowing where the fine line lies, and pushing you right to the edge!!

I agree give in to the sling and sleep when they do. I only learnt that after 3 months... it makes all the difference.

It is so annoying the way the first bit of sleep is the longest when you are up and about - but that changes at some point I believe!

Another vote for a sling.

Do you have a DP that could do the food prep/washing etc?

my daughter is 12 weeks old and the routine we seem to be in is that she has a feed at 7pm ish, then falls asleep til 2am then wakes pretty much every hour til 6, we have tried waking her at 11pm to give her a top up feed before we go to bed but that didnt work!! so i know how you're feeling, it definately takes it out of you! guess we gotta ride it out!

ditto the sling. Do you have a DP? Are you breastfeeding? Could he give a bottle (either ebm or forumla - which ever you are doing) at 10/11ish so you could at least get a few hours solid kip?

Message withdrawn

My DD only started doing the 7pm til 10/11ish when she was 5 months old, so you're almost lucky!!
Until then, it was maximum of 2 hours sleep at any point day or night, totally unpredictable. She is now (almost) 1 year old and sleeps as follows:

7pm til 11pm.
11.30pm til 2am.
2.15am til 4am.
4.15am til 6.30am.
Get up.

2 naps in the day, 1 hour each.

She was colicky and we spent the first 5 months of her life pacing up and down, I have no idea how any laundry or washing up got done! The sling was a godsend and we also tried craniosacral therapy.

What I'm trying to say is I totally second the sleep when the baby sleeps thing. Sometimes she used to do whole nights without more than one hour sleep between 10pm and 8am. I feel your pain!

It will get better though!

Thanks. I have a dh, but well...oh he is a bit crap and I don't have the energy to nag him over it. When he comes in from work he asks what I have done with my day as nothing around house has been done (Grrr)

I failed at BF so am FF- dh will not do night feeds as he "has to work" he sleeps in spare room and I sleep in our room with ds (at least I get the good bed). Ds will go back to sleep quickly for me but not anyone else (dh, my sister, my mum)

I have a sling but mostly he headbutts me in it! He will sit in his swing and watch me do washing up/bottles but I worry that I am depriving him and being neglectful.
Argh, I guess I have to ride this out.

I was going to recommend a swing if you don't get on with a sling - it was a lifesaver for my constantly-had-to-be-held DD.

Honestly, do, do, do sleep when he does.
It DOES NOT MATTER if your house descends into a tip for a few weeks months years.
Even if you just go to bed with a sarni and a book (so you feel like you've had some of that dreaded 'me time' - foul phrase), it'll all help.
And if you're feeling more refreshed, you'll get through more in the daytime, so it is a virtuous circle.
Dh & I went to bed at 8pm for ages with ds (it was fab )

What sling have you got?

all great advice

i'd also give you dh a kick up the arse to be frank. can he do the 10 and maybe 1 feed while you go to bed at 8 and get some decent sleep? (its only for a matter of weeks til he drops the 1am ish feed)

Thanks. I was going to bed with him, but stopped to get some evening time.

I have a close baby carrier. He sometimes likes it. I do bring ds into bed with me sometimes as he goes straight to sleep, but he has to sleep right up against me so I get back ache from not moving. And I keep getting told that by letting him sleep in bed with me I am "making a rod for my back"

That rod you are making for your own back...?
Use it to beat the people who tell you about it!
Seriously, co-sleeping was the turning point for us, I can't recommend it enough.

And ditto sanfairyann give your DH a prod and remind him it's his baba too!

DD2 is 6 weeks - to be honest there's no way I'd expect her to "go down" at 7 by 11 weeks. She stays up with us - sleeping as she wants to - until we go to bed at 10 and then she'll sleep til about 2 and then til about 6 or so. I'm not expecting to be able to get her into a bed time routine for a few months yet.

You are NOT neglectful letting baby have time in swing while you get things done! Agree that your DH needs a kick up the arse - looking after a baby all day is hard work! I'd forgotten just how hard it was and had been having thoughts of morning telly, long lies, afternoon naps and gourmet teas. In reality its just rounds of feeding, changing, cuddling, cleaning and cold cups of tea!

I found my sprout was champion at fighting sleep so upset and tired looked the same to me in my ignorance. Regular nap times also helped here in cutting back on the overtired I need rocking scenario. He's still not a great sleeper though.

Message to Roslily's OH. RL goes to fricking work every day looking after your child. It's an important job - and probably more safety critical than the job you do.

My OH and I didn't make the link on the my job/his job thing for ages, and actually he was different - more than willing to help but we were both being ignorant about what was happening. It wasn't til I went a bit crazy that we realised what was happening and started to share night times more. That really helped.

Ask your other half if he is really happy to have a sleep deprived woman care for his child on a daily basis.

There's a lovely book called 'what mothers do: especially when it looks like nothing', which just describes what it's like (rather then telling you how to do it). One of the chapters is called 'So tired I could die'. We've all been there.

I found that once I gave into the fact that my sleep would be broken and in chunks of no more than 2-3 hours for the foreseeable future, it somehow get easier to cope with. I'm still getting woken up once or twice a night by one or the other of my DC, but I can cope with it as I've just accepted it. On any night when I get cross about it, it always makes it so much harder to deal with, and I fell much less rested from the sleep I do get.

If you go to bed at 8pm, and Dh is responsible for the baby until midnight, that means 4 hours sleep. Sleep in the day when DS does. And maybe have Friday and Saturday nights off (no work excuse for DH!).

And it does get better, you'll see.

Thanks. I haven't actually instilled a bedtime for him, he always zonks out for his long sleep between 7-8, even when breastfed, he would cluster feed in afternoon then sleep in evening. Have tried keeping him up with us, but doesn't work.

I will try to sleep more with him. I had accepted it and was getting better at coping, but then a friend started complaining that her 8 week old had started waking at 2 and not going 10-5am!!! I know, I know every baby is different and I have to accept mine!

I will get through this, it is just so hard. I just don't feel like me anymore, like I will ever get to read a book, or have a bath or watch TV ever again. Selfish I know, I don't think it all the time.

Btw- I am not a clean freak, in fact quite a slob, just sick of comments from my mother!

roslily, I remember feeling like that. Go back to accepting it, ignore what other babies do (or what their mothers say!). DC1 slept through from 9 weeks, I was terribly smug but she stopped at 5 months and woke 3-4 times a night until she was a year old, she still wakes once most nights now and she's 3.6yo.

In the end you will get to read a book, have a bath and watch tv. And eat without interruption. And enjoy a good sex life. And go out for a drink/to the cinema/ for a meal/with friends. Stick it out (as if you have a choice! ) and it will come. For me, the magic age was 1 year, but there is something to be said for the 12 week/6 month milestones too.

Being this tired, being 100% responsible for a baby, facing this enormous change in your life is difficult to cope with and can put real strain on your relationship with your DH, but you'll come out of it stronger (you and your relationship) and of course so blessed by having DS in your life.

I feel your pain

sleep when baby does

gecko is 2.9
she wakes every 2 hours on a good night or every 20 to 30 mins on a bad night for boob
has done since birth