Am utterly fed up......

[JollyPirate]

DS nearly 7 (possible HFA/Aspergers but NOT confirmed)is a nightmare at bedtime. No matter what I do he is awake at 9.30pm+ - if I am lucky he is asleep by 9.30 - most nights it's after 10.30pm with a 6.15am start the next day.

He is utterly exhausted but cannot sleep - he says he doesn't know how to fall asleep (actually staying IN the fucking bed would help ). As I type he is up there walking around having imaginary conversations with himself and in some imaginary world - it would be quite endearing if he wasn't so tired and I wasn't so bloody worried about him. Frequant reminders to go back to bed - resettling are not helping and I am at the end of my tether with it.

I have tried toys IN the bedroom, toys OUT of the bedroom, books in bed, no books in bed, DVD to watch, no DVD in the room (there is no TV in his room but I tried letting him watch a DVD on the portable player - it just stirred him up more).

Up and down the bloody stairs with every conceivable excuse about why he is not in bed.("My foot/hand/face/head/willy aches").

I have tried back massage (to try and calm him) but it only works when done late into the evening (ie when he would normally be falling asleep anyway).

He is not yet reading, and is unlikely to be if he keeps going into school this bloody tired. Paediatrician thinks he could be dyslexic (to add to the dyspraxia and possible Aspergers - great) local SEN office not taking it seriously and refusing a statutory assessment.

WTF can I do??????? Am so pissed off.

Any ideas short of drugging the little bugger?

have you tried the "If you dont stay in bed you dont get xxx" or if you stay in bed and try to sleep and dont get out i will give you xx tomorrow (it doesnt have to be big or expensive just something he may want - i give ds a kinder egg if he stays in bed as he really likes them).

could it be he has just got into a routine of not sleeping? try and see if you can establish a whole new bedtime routine, ie bath, story, bed and even try making sure he is bed for 6.30pm? he wont want to go so early but you could say you want him asleep by x time and that if it didnt take him so long then he could stay up later.

my ds has learning difficulties as part of his medical condition and used to go through a stage of getting up at the same times every night (usually about twice) it was routine and as soon as we had to slowly change his routine so he would sleep right through.

I understand your frustration completely JollyPirate - I am going through a similar problem with my DS1 (7 and in yr 2) at the moment. From the age of 7 months until just before his 7th birthday a couple of months ago, he was an angel at bedtime, but recently he has been finding it very difficult to get to sleep at bedtime - I can't get him to be consistent about his reasons for finding it so hard, but suspect he just has too much going on in his brain and can't switch off - he has also said "I don't know how to go to sleep, tell me what I have to do"

I have also tried everything I can think of, so far without success - I have even shelled out on a fantastic new mattress and pillow for him because he said his bed wasn't very comfortable (and he was right!).

Tonight I have tried the following (and he hasn't yet appeared at the top of the stairs, so fingers crossed I'm on to something): he has to lie in a comfortable position and basically try a bit of yoga-like relaxation - I talked him through focussing on each bit of his body in turn and making it relax whilst breathing deeply.

I have also thought about getting him a personal stereo and playing some very gentle and relaxing music, but am not sure about this.

I hope you find something that works for you too

Thank you both so much. I cannot see the wood for the trees with DS. AS a HV I am sure I have all the info I need in my head but with DS I cannot get into HV mode. Just the "bewildered mother" mode. I am going to try a whole new bedtime routine - a new bed arrives Monday (we have just moved which will explain why he is struggling at the moment) and I am sitting down with him to plan the new bedroom (he wants a "space" room). Love the idea of the relaxing music CD too - we also have story CDs which might be good.

Thank you

I would suggest:

• no TV after 6pm (it's a stimulant)
• no caffeinated drinks (be careful of hot chocolate)
• no pop (too much sugar)
• watch E numbers, etc.

and then helping him learn to relax:

• yoga visualisations as suggested earlier
• talking to him about his day in the darkened bedroom while he's in bed (in case there's something on his mind)
• audio books in the dark (to help him learn how to lie still and clear his mind/focus on one thing)
• ... followed by the soothing music (in case he stays awake to listen to the story IYSWIM)

For reading, let him read books that have pictures in the place of words, and let him read the same book over and over. Find one he likes that you can incorporate into the bedtime routine and read together so he can learn to recognise the words.