Two year old daughter suddenly refusing to go to bed!

[motherinferior]

My dd was 2 in February. Since she was very small - about 4 months - she's slept through the night except when ill; we had a brief phase of very bad nights earlier this year, but solved that with a night light.

Her bedtime's moved from 7 to 7.30 to 8, which is pretty well a limit as far as I'm concerned/can cope with, quite honestly. She naps for an hour or more in the afternoon, and it's virtually impossible to get her out of this habit. So far so not too bad - BUT over the past week or so she's started refusing to go to sleep, for ages. I was so knackered on Sunday that I curled up with her - and she kindly gave me a fleece blanket and some toys, and then tried to get down and play herself! She cried, wails, declares pathetically 'I'm not very well'- even yesterday when she actually hadn't had a nap and was clearly dog-tired (she'd tried to crash out in front of the telly earlier). I don't know if it's the light evenings, and/or if she's getting disturbed by the fact I'm clearly heavily pregnant (baby2 due in 7 weeks or so) - but it's driving me and her father bonkers, at a time when we really need some sleep. Please, any suggestions?

I'm just reading Christopher Greens book - Toddler Taming, have you read it? He has some good suggestions about settling reluctant sleepers. I'd say she's probably trying to stake her claim to the throne before the new baby arrives (Apologies, I'm not suggesting you're ignoring her needs at the moment, but i'd say every child has moments of uncertainty before the next sibling arrives). I'll be going through this in a few months as well I'm sure.
Anyway, I'll have a read of the CG book tonight and let you know what he says tomorrow?

my dd2 was 2 this week, and for the last 10 days has also been refusing to go to bed - she screams 'I don't want to go to sleep' and 'i want to go downstairs' !

I have tried the following

Controlled crying - some success
Reading a story in bed - success, but heard me leaving!
Stopping daytime nap - always success
Going for a drive - success
Being firm and saying go to sleep - success only once !

Hopefully it is just a phase, as this is an age where they really want to asert their independence!

We had this and her bedtime went from 7pm to 11.30pm some nights. Nightmare!

If she didn't nap after lunch she would just be a more miserable version so we gave up trying to keep her awake.

What worked for us was to do the usual supper, bath, story routine. Then say goodnight, kiss and cuddle and put her stairgate up. She was allowed to play (and we told her this) but when she felt sleepy she used her step to get into bed and go to sleep. Took her 3 nights of shouting downstairs (and us ignoring her) and she got the message.

Obviously, you can only do this if you know that she is well and safe in her room. If in doubt go and check her every half an hour but say goodnight and go downstairs again.

Can only offer sympathies I'm afraid - yet to find the solution ourselves!

Our dd who is almost 21 months is similar. Up until now a firm "Lie down" and a few minutes of token wailing have done the trick. Now she is hysterical and just wants to be cuddled. Am wondering if she is perhaps cutting molars but once she goes down she will still generally sleep through or resettle herself if she wakes. Did try leaving her to cry the other evening and she eventually went to sleep only to wake 1/2 hr later in far worse a temper. She still needs a nap during the day, and frankly I welcome the break!

Let's hope it is just a phase....

sometimes reading until they ask me to stop talking works and sometimes it doesn't! Just like everything else!

Many thanks. She actually got off to sleep fine last night - possibly because I was so knackered myself I'd actually got into our bed for a little kip, and when she came into our room she said cheerfully I Want To Be Naked, took her jimjams off and curled up for a cuddle, all of which put her in bed-time mode. Then, however, she got up at 5.30...

As she's quite capable of understanding, I might try the Genghis approach next time. But all other suggestions VERY gratefully received - and thank you!

Good luck - cannot offer any suggestions however other than to say don't feed her to sleep as i have done - you then have my problem...

I had sucess with CC for Dd1 who I had a similar problem with but she was a lot younger
Hope it goes OK - I will keep reading yur threads to get the progress

ds1 (26 months) has always been a good sleeper but I think he has noticed how frazzled we are with ds2 (12 weeks) and builders in doing an extension so he is not being quite so compliant in the evenings - he knows he is pushing his luck but we let him play as he is soo sweet at this time of night trying to buy some more time - if we keep repeating that it is bedtime eventually he realises after about ten minutes of repeating it that he cant escape it and goes upstairs with his dad - waits by the cot - bless!

I would suggest reassuring your daughter that everything is the same as she may be preparing for your new arrival - we have been lucky at ds1 acceptance of new brother - hope you are too

motherinferior, I think some of it is the age. My son who is 2 1/2 periodically says he doesn't want to go to bed. I find that if I let him take one of his current favorite toys to bed it often helps. This does mean that he has gone to bed with everything from a stuffed animals, to hot wheels to a rather large plastic jeep. Also, I sometimes let him "read" to himself (after daddy is done reading to him) by the light of his nursery nightlight. I have also recently purchased a couple of pairs of "cool" pyjamas including one with fire engines all over them and another pair with a glow in the dark skeleton. (the only problem is getting them off him the next morning).

Thanks for all the advice. Some nights aren't a problem, some are...it's reassuring to know a lot of it's age and quite honestly, I want her to be thinking a bit about the new baby (so that it isn't a horrible shock)...but after all your posts I'm feeling a lot better at going with the flow!

Just wanted to add, had same problem with dd at about 2, coincidentally when she was out of her cot, I faffed around with everything, controlled crying, reassurance, stories, sitting in room quietly, counting to 100 over and over again (then had major worry that was predisposing her to numbers so did the alphabet alternately!) The only thing that I got out of it was a 2 year old who could count to 20 and could do her ABC!!!

Anyway finally stumbled on this book and my life was transformed, Its called "The Baby and Toddler Sleep program" and basically what it says in 150 pages is put the child to bed at bedtime that you decide, story etc and say goodnight. Don't go in until morning regardless of what they do. It's really well written and totally changed my life 6 months of terrible nights after sleeping so well nearly killed me, I should have put my foot down earlier but dh is a soft touch (I had to chain him to the bed to implement the program but he didn't mind that!!

Also she was going to bed at 9.30, having a bad night and still getting up at 7 - arrgggh. Anyway changed bedtime to 7 o'clock and after few days she was sleeping all night until 8ish and was back having a daytime sleep sometimes - bliss.

No happy ending in my case though as I now work evenings and dh is "in charge" of bedtimes so it's back to what she wants not what he says.