Please can someone offer tips/advice/experience with bed time routine for baby & Toddler

[no1putsbabyinthecorner]

I have a dd age 2.4yrs and ds 10 mth. Bed time routine is getting harder and harder.
My dh works shifts so is hardly ever here to help.
I started off with taking dd to bed as normal,ds on my knee. Stories,beaker of milk for dd bf ds. Sometimes I would go put ds in bed then come back and sit with dd, or just sit with her till she fell asleep.
dd used to go to sleep well, and never/hated getting in our bed. However since ds was born she started to get in with us.
(should have left her in a cot)

Then bedtime routine changed to sitting on our bed, bf ds stories,milk etc.... for dd. She fell asleep and was then carried into own bed.

My problem now is ds just can't have is bed time feed as he is just so nosey and wants to see/play with dd.
Now I can't put him to bed first and let her play, as she is into everything, and just keeps coming into bedroom and disturbing him.
I can't put her to bed first as then ds is layed crying and she then can't sleep and it upsets me so much, I just end up near to tears, chest starts getting tight and I end up yelling at dd to either
'get in bed'
'wait in bed, mummy is coming back'etc....
It really is horrendous and stressful. Bedtime tonight took an hour with screams from both while I flitted from room to room trying to console. I could just sit and cry.
I have tried the rapid return routine with dd. I hated every minute of it,but worked in 3 days.
(only did it at bed time not in middle of night,when she gets in with us.thought just one step at a time)
My dh then undid all my hard and upseeting work as when he is off he can't do it, as she has never really let him put her to bed unless exhausted and he can not let her cry at all.
So sorry this is long, I am really at a loss as feeling guilty enough about dd as she seams to dislike ds and seems very jealous. DShe hits him/lashes out at him at any given opportunity but that is probably for another thread.
Any advice or tips gratefully recieved. Thanks

There was a thread like this the other day, will find it for you.....

Putting 2 small dc's to bed is shite . I hate it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/783860-Can-39-t-manage-to-get-toddler-and-baby-to

I'm not sure that link will work as I've done it on my phone. The thread was only a couple of days ago.

Thanks for that.
I have tried everything, I may have to go back to using sling again, but its just so hot to be putting him in one at the moment.
Do you think going back to rapid return with dd is cruel, I would be more than happy for her to sit and play in her room while I settle ds, then I can go back to her and read/cuddle etc... but she just won't stay on he rown and I don't blame her really.

Hi

We survive the majority of the day and then have to face the bedtime challenge! My DS1 is 2.6 and DS2 is 6 months - getting to the stage when looking about is infinitely more interesting than feeding - I feel for you.

Is there any chance that you could read the 2 a story together - possibly in DD's room - and then ask her to look at a story book and "read it" (check out the pictures and think of questions to ask you etc.) whilst you settle DS. Or perhaps express some milk to give him so that he's not demanding quite as much attention from you when putting the 2 down? If it is any consolation my (loving/ spirited) DS1 regularly (enthusiastically) pats him baby brother to get attention. I don't think it is solely a jealously thing, more attention seeking behaviour - look what happens if I poke/ pull/ hit this.

Good luck - I find a large glass of wine at about 8pm helps....

sorry - x posted. Just wondered - does she hae a doly/ teddy that she can settle too?

doesn't really work with trains or trucks in our house though!
And no - I don't think that leaving her on her own is cruel.
x

Thanks for that, yes she has a teddy that she has had since birth that she can't be without. I do stories together, he does take a bottle.
She just won't stay on her own. Occasionally she just stands at the door and peeks in. I feel so sorry for her and yes I meant to add that it is attention not always jealousy.
Afterall how can I expect her to understand that I am sat feeding him and she can't have a cuddle too.
I try to explain that I am coming back to her for a cuddle and some more stories.
Sorry I am moaning on now, it's just hard and I feel so guilty.

Oh wine o clock

How long does it take to get DS down? Can you let her have a quiet DVD/TV/something on the laptop?

Thankyou for more good ideas.
I think I will try to feed ds first, then try him with some toys in his cot.

I can't use a gate on dd's door as it has to go in the door and she likes it closed.
Every night can be different too.
Sometimes ds is out like a light while I am still with dd so I go put him in bed then go back to her. Would be great if this happened more often.
My dh is off all this week so we need to decide how we are going to tackle this, as I get up in the night with both of them, and it ends up with her in with us as he says he is too tired to take her back or listen to the tears and have both awake.
We will get there in the end.

No it does not seem fair sometimes. I appreciate he works shifts and long hours too, however as he is the one moaning about not getting any sleep because of dd coming in our bed. (she is a fidget and she snores)
I think it is only fair he helps sort out these nightime problems. As for ds waking he just says I cant do anything with him due to bf. He has been having ff for a while now, so he just needs to persevere with him.
He is upstairs now getting them both ready for bed I hope while I mn get milk.
So tonight will be easy to settle them, but hoping to start a routine tonight.
Thanks for advice/support.

how did it go? hope all ok tonight and that you are enjoying your glass of vino - I am!

Hi, dh put ds to bed with a bottle (probably the first time while I have been in the house anyway)
I put dd to bed, I ended up laying with her till she fell asleep though,whcih was about 5 min. Not sure if this is really the way to go, but just love the time with her and love to see how she is with me. She holds my hand and hugs and kisses me and sighs 'ooohhh mummy' bless. I don't get this from her in the day
I have glass of wine tonight, but very tired after doing the 'race for life' this morning

If you like it and she's not mucking about then where's the harm?

Just a thought - but could they share a room. My girls are 2.5yrs apart and have been sharing a room since the youngest was 6 months. That way i can read them both a story put one in her cot and then read a second story to the oldest.
They get a lot of comfort from being together and now that they are older they play together when they wake up in the morning.

Sharing a room not an option, as dd hits ds at any given opportunity.
I have friends who have done this though and their dc's have slept through ever since.

It is something I will think about, she may decide she likes him if she has company all night.