Please help 10 month old DS is driving me up the wall and CC not working!

[SilverSixpence]

hi everyone, I really would appreciate your help, DS is 10 months, and has always been a terrible sleeper. He has never slept through, still wakes 2-3 times a night and almost always ends up in our bed as he will just stand up in his cot and scream until we pick him up. He's a nightmare to get to sleep as well, always stands up as soon as he's laid down in the cot, but starts screaming if we go out of the room. The only way we can get him to sleep is by leaving the room, then coming back in so he stops crying and calms down, after which he will lie down and allow himself to be patted to sleep. we have to pat him until he actually goes to sleep though, which can take ages!

We have tried PUPD with limited success before, but the effect always wears off after a couple of weeks This time, we really want to crack the sleep thing, and have tried to be firm about him falling asleep in the cot, but the CC (started yesterday evening) is making him extremely distressed, and he hasn't so far gone to sleep on his own because of it, only after we've gone back in and patted him to sleep. When we tried it in the middle of the night, he screamed for 40 minutes, and in the end went to sleep after patting.

My goal is to get him to sleep with a minimum of fuss in the evenings, i don't mind patting him to get him sleepy, but having to pat/stroke his cheek for 15-20 mins each nap/bedtime (only after getting him upset and him then calming down) is stressful and very tiring

I'm really getting to the end of my tether, it's been 10 months and not a single decent night's sleep! Help...

Er, didn't want to leave this unanswered, and I don't think you're going to find this helpful, but doesn't sound unusual for a 10 month old to not want to be left to me.

He's very little, and as you say, it's not working. I know it's knackering, but some dcs aren't going to sleep happily alone; mine didn't. For the sake of all of you having some rest and happiness, would you consider backing away from the 'cracking the sleep thing' approach, and trying something else? It's a long time ago for me, my dcs are aged 12 - 5 now, but I have to say it was a lot more than 10 months before any of them slept through, and I don't think that's unusual. We did a mix of co-sleeping, then Pantley(?) no-cry sleep solution. And that 20 mins to get to sleep; also not really that long, but it feels like it whenn you're stressed and desperate to get away. Sure someone with better info/ more current insights will be along soon, but try not to expect too much of yourselves or him. Sorry, I know lack of sleep is just awful.

thanks Saintmaybe, I'm just worried that if we leave it longer the sleep problems will get worse or that he'll be more mobile and even harder to get to lie down and sleep. He's a very energetic and strongwilled little boy

My DD1 was like this,and CC is hell,but the key is to keep up the continuity (if you can bear it)

He is only continuing to scream and not settle alone,because he knows you will eventually come back and pat him.

I think that you have to decide which method you want to use,and then follow the "rules" completely.

If you can't bear to leave him crying,then by all means go and pat him etc.

Otherwise you need to be firm and let him cry.If he's very distressed,go and say shush and time to sleep etc.pat him briefly and leave quickly.IME its better not to pick them up,or hover too long.If they arent too distressed they'll settle themselves eventually.

My DH and I made a pact that each of us would be "strong" for the other,and "stop" us returning.In 3 nights she settled herself,and it didn't have any lasting effect/damage on her,as some people suggest.

If you follow the quick reassurance and go,then repeat,thats fine.If you want to do CC,then its hard but quick if you follow it through.

You have to do what you feel is right. I haven't done cc or pupd (apart from 5 hellish minutes), so I'm maybe not the best person to advise. Hope you find something that works for you all.

DS is ten months old and he's not a great sleeper either. We've had a handful of nights where he has slept through, but I've woken up expecting to hear him!

He has got worse about being left in the last few weeks and got quite clingy with me in particular and DH to a lesser extent. I think it's some seperation anxiety starting up.
Just wondering whether now is the right time for you to push for your DS to fall asleep by himself or whether you should go with it for now?

Can't really offer much in the way of advice, except that we have a couple of playlists that we play for DS at nap times and bedtimes when he won't settle. He recognises the music and it seems to soothe him. It doesn't always work, but it does help more often than not.

it could well be seperation anxiety. Could he have his cot in your room?

Can you be firm and sush & pat him to sleep? Try stopping when he relaxed and drowsy but still awake so he actually goes to sleep without you patting him? Sit by the cot still?

I would also suggest craniel osteopath to check everything out in case there is something going on which is stopping him from sleeping better.

Hi,

Maybe he's teething?

Also, an option is to have him sleep with you or next to you in a dropside cot.

Whatever you decide, don't feel guilty because a good nights sleep is good for all of you!

Am going to bed now, sorry, but just wanted to say mine was exactly like this (I didn't do CC, we just did rocking/patting/feeding to sleep). He started going to sleep just with one of us in the room around 12-13 months of age and now goes to sleep on his own most nights, except illness or teething. He's 22 months.

He does still wake and come into bed with us most nights but we all get enough sleep and I do think it is quite normal actually - when you say "sleep problems" they may not actually be problems as such, just an extreme of normal which is not nice for you! He will get better, 10 months is tiny

thanks for all the advice, this is why I love MN! DS does sleep in our room (in a cot), and will do at least for the next 2 months until we move house.

Last night, he woke up and I managed to get him to sleep without feeding or too much fuss by just holding him and then putting him down and shush-patting to sleep. He then woke up at 6am and I fed him and he went back to sleep.

I agree that it probably is separation anxiety now I think about it, he doesn't like me leaving the room during the day either, even if only for a few seconds. is there anything i can do to help this? I dont think CC is going to work for us, not without it being quite traumatic, so will just go with things for now.

when mine went through Sep Anx during the day I purposefully left them for a minute and then came back and then 2 minutes etc etc I also tried to come back in at moment they weren't crying. It is a short stage usually.

Sleep vibes for tonight!

I think SA can last for a long time and can come and go. The advice I was given and would give is to provide as much reassurance as you can to make them feel secure. DS still doesn't like to be left sometimes, but as they start to understand more you can explain things and know they get the message that you will come back.