Would any co-sleepers like to send me a virtual hug?

[monkeysmama]

We've just celebrated dd's 1st birthday and dp and I agreed (I think I agreed?) that it would be a good time to start trying to get her to sleep in her cot in her own room.

She has gone into her cot in our room at 7 every night & slept there until waking around midnight for milk (I am still bfing) and to get into our bed where she slept for the rest of the night.

Around 2 months ago she started to fidget madly and wake herself as welll as dp and I several times a night. The usual irritation / guilt followed and mixed with the fact that our sex life has been non existent since dd's birth & arrival in our bed it led us to deciding she was ready for her own bed and cot.

So, we re decorated our room as a kind of new start. I took dd to stay with my mum for a week while the decorating was being done and when we got back and looked at our room she looked around desperately for her cot and then at me with this panicked looked. We took her into her room (she has always napped there twice a day and plays there) and she saw the cot and her special light and was happy again. But 3 nights in and my heart is hurting me so much . I keep waking up in a cold sweat not having her near me (which is of course my issue not hers) and she's woken scared at least twice for the past 3 nights so I have ended up sleeping on the floor in her room as she clings to me & wakes every time I try to leave.

I know she'll be fine but I just need a virtual hug to get over this bit - I feel really guilty and like one of my bonds is being severed unvoluntarily!

Thank you
A sad feeling MM

Oh you can certainly have a hug.

I am you or you are me. I understand completely. I lay awake in bed with tears running down my cheeks hating dd being so far away. What I didn't realise was that dh was doing the same thing and after a few days whispered 'can I go and get her yet?' to me.

We decided it wasn't time. We didn't want it to be about us missing her and we acknowledged that we needed some alone time in bed. So, dd was encouraged to start the night in her own bed and then she could choose to come back in with us on first/second/third waking or not at all if she preferred. She's just 2 now and sometimes she's in with us by 2am, sometimes not until 4am, sometimes not at all. She is making the transition herself and slowly the balance tips so that she's in her bed more than ours. It feels better this way.

Could you perhaps compromise?

I didn't expect to miss her so much when we tried moving her.

Castiel thank you. We discussed it again this morning and decided we'll bring her in with us when we feel she wants to come in if that makes sense. It makes me feel better knowing I am not alone.

Aw (and I don't do hugs much in RL let alone MN!)

It is hard I know. I had to stop co sleeping with ds1 who was 2, when I was 6 months pregnant with ds2. Although it was hard on ds1, I think I found it harder But sometimes you just have to make changes for the benefit of the family that are upsetting in the short term. I think Castiel is right about compromising if you feel it would help. I think if you go with your instincts you can't go far wrong.